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Dear Wendy

Inconsiderate Husband

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  • #878962 Reply
    avatarHowdywiley
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    Ehhh you had me until you mentioned the mom is a nurse. This is bigger then you now.
    Take one for the team and get these kids into a home where the risk of infection is lower and the adult there isn’t working insane overtime in unbelievable conditions.

    #878975 Reply
    avatarTimidTammy
    Guest

    I work 40 hours a week and I’m an essential worker so I can’t stay home. And when I am finished work I can’t just take my keys out of the ignition and go to my bunk and lay down. I have an energetic 3 year old that needs a present mother. When I married my husband he was not a truck driver. The decision was made to pursue his CDL when he had a difficult time finding full-time work that paid adequately in our area. I was told that once he got a year experience driving over-the-road that he would look for something local. That hasn’t happened because the pay is not comparable to what he makes driving OTR. My problem is not rooted in his children coming here to visit my issue is with my lack of involvement in making decisions that affect not just him but me as well. I would never make decisions for another adult without getting their input, not even on minor things.

    #878978 Reply
    avatarTimidTammy
    Guest

    All 3 of Adults are essential workers so I don’t necessarily see it as him trying to save them when there is a degree of risk in each home. The difference is my son was born prematurely and with that came more concern to his pediatrician with infectious diseases when his immune system is slightly underdeveloped for his age.

    #878981 Reply
    avatarLisah
    Guest

    There may not be much you can do to salvage this situation as circumstances are a little chaotic at this time. The issue is he does things his way with very little consideration of how those decisions affect you and then ignores you when you protest. As soon as this is over you need to get into therapy to discuss your willingness to accept this treatment and maybe include him in couples counseling. Good luck since he is out of town all week.

    #878984 Reply
    avatarTimidTammy
    Guest

    I have already settled with the idea that they will probably be coming to visit. He has already had the conversation with them about staying here so I do not want to become the Debbie Downer of the situation and tell them they can’t come.

    #878999 Reply
    avatarLeon
    Guest

    Emmm. I think you should take care of them, but at the same time have a talk with your husband about what he expects. It is really easy to take things for granted, and I think it is up to you to express your valid feelings about how he expects you to be, basically, a maid, nanny and hardworking woman.

    If he wants the kids here, great. But in the weekend, he should be responsible of them.

    #879104 Reply

    If his kids end up staying with you, remember that you cannot do everything right now. I work for an urban school district in California and we know most of our families do not have the luxury of homeschooling their children full time. Our district is scrambling to find as many resources as possible for our families, but online education only goes so far. We know that many students will regress during this time and we expect that our students will need a lot of support when they return.

    You’re a parent, not a teacher. Think of this period as childcare, not homeschooling If your kids need more screen time to keep them occupied, that’s okay. Encourage the kids to read books of their choice or to play games together. Try to spend some time just talking to them. What these kids need most is love and support.

    #879146 Reply
    avatarbrise
    Guest

    How this can be discussed without your imput? I don’t understand that. And what does think their mother? It makes sense that in this context, they live for a while at your place. Look, you married a father, and the possibility that his children are at your place was always there. You have to accept it. BUt you can discuss the length, the conditions, and above all, his implication in the process. For example, you get a free afternoon just for yourself on his week-ends – you need to have a break too. He does the groceries when he is back, and so on. You have to react, stand up for yourself and stop complaining in your corner. For these kids, be there, please, be a step mom. No need to “home school” them. Just make sure that they do their homework and discuss with them how you all can organise yourselves so that this period is best and manageable for all. Listen to them. Open your house, your heart, but make him work more.

    #879205 Reply
    avatarbrise
    Guest

    I have a suggestion for you, LW: as the mother won’t have to buy the children’ food, you could ask her to pay for a private tutor for her kids. There are plenty of students who propose their tutor service online for kids stuck at home, for a small price. Hire one for one hour a day, half an hour for each kid. So you are sure that they work at least at that time. You can’t homeschool them: you work, you have a toddler and you are no teacher. This is the time when some money spent on kids is really well spent. Good luck! I am sure you will all manage, even though it is difficult.

    #879264 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    If you want to force a serious discussion of work load and work division with your husband, you could tell him that he has volunteered you for another full-time on top of the almost two which you already have, that you have decided to quit your job. Tell him he has left you with no other workable choice.

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