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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Interested in a gorgeous and highly popular guy at my college

Home Forums Advice & Chat Interested in a gorgeous and highly popular guy at my college

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 85 total)
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  • #1108865 Reply
    KatieKat
    Participant

    Hi everyone, my college has returned to normal studies since a while ago, and there is this guy at my college who I have been interested in for a while, and I have wanted to approach him in some way;
    we have several classes together, so I see him pretty often.
    But the problem is, he is extremely attractive – just to give some context, he is maybe 6’6, big and muscular (in a way that looks totally natural), and he has a beautiful face and beautiful eyes and everything.
    I have found myself making some brief nervous eye contact with him several times, and I always find myself struck by his beautiful eyes and look away, and I get nervous and self-conscious when I stand somewhere close to him.

    Also, there are lots of other girls who constantly hit on him;
    there are always several girls who stand around him and flirt with him and “act cute”, like giggling, playing with their hair, and sometimes straight out asking him on dates.
    There have been a few times after lectures when 2-3 girls from other classes have approached him and asked him on dates, and then he has pretty much acted flattered and had to make a choice.
    I have also seen him sit and make out with different girls, and also seemed to take different girls home.

    I am not sure what to expect from a guy like this;
    he does seem to be humble about all this, but it also makes me nervous that he gets dates from girls like this without making any effort whatsoever.

    • This topic was modified 1 month ago by KatieKat.
    #1108872 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Well, I guess what do you want here? If you want to go in a date with him or make out or have him sit with you at lunch, you know what to do, follow these other girls’ example. If you want to date him and be his girlfriend, that doesn’t seem to be in the cards right now, as he’s certainly enjoying all this female attention and doesn’t need to make any effort at all.

    At least try smiling at him and saying hi. You’re not getting anywhere by looking away. After you look away, look back and make eye contact. Smile. I think it’s okay to seem a little flustered, but obviously with a guy like this you have to make some effort.

    #1108887 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    I would maybe try for a guy who isn’t constantly covered in other women.

    #1108890 Reply
    KatieKat
    Participant

    I have been asking myself that a few times – it seems tricky to flirt with a guy who has loads of admirers like this – but every time I see him I start to hope that I will be able to become a bit close to him.

    I am not sure what to expect from a guy like him;
    I mean, he is definitely aware that he is super-popular, but he also seems to be very humble about it, and think of it more like flattery than anything else.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by KatieKat.
    #1108894 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Sure, maybe he’s nice and humble, but at the end of the day he’s a super hot, very young guy who’s well aware of his desirability. He’s got endless options and you always see him with different girls, not settling down with anyone. He has no reason to. If you want to just hook up with him, that’s probably relatively easy to do. But I would suggest trying to get to know him better, to figure out if you really like him or you just like the idea of him based on what you see from afar. But the reality is, it’s probably not realistic to expect a guy this young and this hot to give anyone his undivided attention.

    #1108896 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    It’s interesting that when I asked what you want, you put it back on him and what you could expect from him. Be careful about that. Really think about what you’re looking for. A boyfriend? A FWB? Casual dates with different guys? And act with that in mind so you’re less likely to settle for whatever a guy will give you.

    #1108897 Reply
    KatieKat
    Participant

    I would say that at the moment my first goal would be to get some good contact with him, and become physical with him.
    Then after that, it would be great if it became a relationship, although that would be a bonus that I am not expecting too much right now.

    I think that one possible reason why he seems to dump girls quite quickly is probably because they seem to put him on a pedestal;
    like I said, I have seen him sit and make out with different girls, and all of those girls have seemed spellbound by those moments, and lovestruck by him.
    I guess maybe it is possible for them to act that way around him if they both find him super-attractive and also end up liking his personality.
    Of course, I don’t know him myself yet, but my impression of him so far has been that he is very humble and relaxed, while at the same time definitely not being a pushover – he always seems very firm about things when this is necessary.
    I definitely like that combination, and I believe that the other girls feel that same way as well.
    I guess I just have to try to avoid acting the way they do. xP

    Either way, I will have to try approaching him some time, so that I don’t regret that I never did that.
    I have been thinking of asking him if we can study together, maybe.

    #1108898 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Right, you’ve been able to observe his behavior, and the result that other girls’ behavior seems to have, and you don’t want that same outcome. So the simple answer is don’t be like those girls unless you want to hook up and get dumped quickly, right? So that might actually mean NOT approaching him, at least not overtly. Maybe it’s more like trying to just have a normal casual conversation with him either in class or at a party.

    #1108899 Reply
    KatieKat
    Participant

    Yes, I have to avoid that, since I realise that I would be one in the bunch if I acted like the other girls.

    I will try to start a few normal conversations with him next time I see him – hopefully on Friday – and then I will see how that feels, and if he seems interested back.

    I am also not sure how he feels about those other girls;
    I have noticed that he always looks delighted – like he is constantly thinking “wow, I love this” – so I guess he thinks that it is a huge rush to constantly get all this attention.
    But maybe he also feels a bit bored of that, possibly.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by KatieKat.
    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by KatieKat.
    #1108902 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    You also need to assume he’s loving them and leaving them if you’ve seen this happen often. I mean, he sounds like he gets around, not that that is a bad thing, but that doesn’t really sound like what you want? Maybe you do, so keep the expectations realistic. It’s okay, he’s young and hot. Live it up. But don’t expect you to be the magic one to stick around. He’s young and hot and has a lot of options and takes advantage of them.

    #1108903 Reply
    KatieKat
    Participant

    I guess so, especially given that he is exceptionally hot to a degree that he really gets all the attention.
    It always amazes me a bit how easy it is for him – girls can walk up to him out of nowhere and ask him for dates with a lot of excitement, or sit down close next to him and start flirting, or walk into him a little bit when they pass him, or just stare at him and wink at him and things like that, and it just keeps going on like that, at least from what I have seen when I have noticed him.
    It seems like it would be very tough to have a relationship with him, but I still want to see how far I can get with him if I approach him.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by KatieKat.
    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by KatieKat.
    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by KatieKat.
    #1108909 Reply
    ele4phant
    Guest

    Honestly, I don’t care how hot he is. He’s a human being, talk to him a like you would any other person. You don’t have to play games or strategize how to get what you want from him, just be friendly and talk with him and if there’s a connection and interest on both sides, well you can go from there.

    He may very well enjoy his youth and attention and not want a girlfriend or anything serious right now, but all the same, talk to him, get to know him, get a sense of him, and you’ll know what he’s after. Sometimes hot people with lots of options do get in relationships with people they really like. Sometimes they want to play the field. I dunno, but talk to him and get to know him and see if you even *like* him beyond what he looks like. You may find him a total bore or super different from you and not really compatible or fun to spend time with.

    Honestly, your post kind felt similar to what we often hear from young men that are anxiously trying to figure out how to “get” the hot girl. There’s no trick, you treat them like people, and find out if there is mutual attraction, interest, and desire for the same sort of relationship.

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