Yes, I do realise that I should talk to him like any other person;
it just feels like it will be tricky since he has all of those options and a lot of girls have no doubt tried to make the best possible impression in front of him, but I will make sure to keep in mind that I should treat him like any other person.
Hopefully I will find an opportunity to talk to him alone, without any other girls trying to distract him.ele4phantApril 27, 2022 at 3:25 pm #1108911
It’s not tricky.
He’s just a person.
He may not be interested in a serious relationship with anyone.
He may not be interested in a serious relationship *with you*.
*You* may not be interested in a relationship *with him* once you get to know him.
The only way to find out is to just talk with him. You don’t have to be all flirty or try to be someone you’re not, just say hi, be you, and start a conversation and see if his personality matches his looks and if you are even interested in him before you start to care about whether he is interested in you.ele4phantApril 27, 2022 at 4:08 pm #1108913
I mean, I wouldn’t even try to flirt. You’re just going to be nervous trying to come across a certain way.
Just be friendly. Be you. Say hi and ask him how he found that latest assignment, or whatever. And remember despite how gorgeous he is, you may not like him, so your goal is not to make him like you, but get to know him and see if he’s even all that and a bag of chips anyways.
He may not be!ele4phantApril 27, 2022 at 4:44 pm #1108915
I have no idea, he may not be.
Again, the point is not to position yourself as different and therefore more appealing than other girls – it’s to treat him like a person not a prize, and take an honest look at whether you’re even interested in him before you start wondering about his interest in you/interest in relationships generally.
Just get to know him as a person.ele4phantApril 27, 2022 at 5:59 pm #1108918
I really want to impart on you that a) he is a person, and b) you don’t know that person.
You like his face and his body, but you don’t know at all what he’s like or if he has a chance *with* you, much less if he wants to give one to you.
You need to ratchet your expectations down like 1000% and stop thinking about trying to get a “chance” at him, and just introduce yourself and chat and see if he’s even worth being interested in.
Forget about all the other girls and distractions. Starting something with someone is a two-way street, and if he’s into you he’s into you, and if he’s not he’s not, and same on your end.
Just, get to know him.
She did say she would like to get physical with him and then kind of see what happens from there. There’s nothing wrong with this being a lust attraction kind of thing and really just wanting to have sex. It might not be that important to spend much time getting to know him. If she told us she’s interested in a boyfriend relationship, not something casual, I would say really take the time up front to figure out what type of guy he is. But maybe who cares.
I guess the simplest way to put it is that I would enjoy whatever I got out of this.
If I didn’t end up liking his personality, but still found him to be a decent person, then I would still definitely enjoy having sex with him, and then if things happened to become more serious after that point, then that would be really great as well.
I have heard that some popular guys apparently have casual sex with several of their admirers, so that they rotate between them.
I am not sure how common it is for guys to do that, and I am not sure if this guy at my school does any of that, but I guess I wouldn’t have too much trouble with that if we only had purely physical meetings.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by KatieKat.
You say these women objectify him, but so do you. I’m not saying this to shame you, just stop saying you have some greater interest in him. The interest is physical for you, right now. That’s all it is. He’s eye candy that has you dreaming of more.
elephant is right that scheming and pretending might get you sex but it’s not going to get him to know or like the real you.
What do you want? Sex? You said anything you could get you’d enjoy. Would you enjoy making out with him on Monday and seeing him kissing the next girl on Tuesday?
Talk to him. Stop scheming and planning and just talk to him, if you can beat back the crowd of admirers.
I understand the LUST crush. I had one in high school. I actually got him to drive me home one day and I realized his IQ was smaller than my shoe size and that killed it for me.
I think this LW is setting herself up for some heartache. Sure, she claims that she’d be ok with a purely sexual relationship, but at the same time, she wants to see if there is something more (also per her words, actually more of her words lean towards relationship than a FWB type situation).
LW, ask yourself if you are emotionally strong enough to handle sex only with this person if it doesn’t turn into something more. After you have sex with him, would you be ok seeing him flirting with other women? Possibly sleeping with them?
If you’re confident you can separate sex from emotional connection, go for it. If you don’t think you can, then I think you need to take it slow and try to go the talking to him / dating route.