Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Is friendship and attraction enough ?

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  • #879949 Reply

    I have a family friend and his name is “Eric” we’ve expressed our attraction for one another on and off since we were 17 (were now 23). Throughout this whole time we’ve never been on the same page and he’s a bit of a womanizer. We’ve never had sex but like I said we have compliments each other, kissed, and expressed thoughts of being in a relationship. He’s currently in a relationship and he claims to be in love with her but when he has issues with her he usually comes to me for advice. I can understand why and it’s because we’re very good friends, but he also makes flirtatious remarks and when he was in one of his “breaks” we did kiss. I did feel guilty about it and I want him to be happy even if he never decides to pursue me. Like I said I want him to be happy and I know if I’m not he’s not my match I’ll eventually find the right one. My issue is if I’m waiting in vain or having wishful thinking that will never happen ? It’s difficult I guess I am in a love triangle , but I’m just wondering if I’m going to end up with the short end of the stick. Any advice or understanding of what he might be thinking would help.

    #879964 Reply

    This is unfortunately a common scenario. This guy is not ever going to be your boyfriend. He’ll enjoy having you around for friendship and validation, maybe even physical stuff, but he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material.

    I knew a woman who spent her entire adult LIFE entangled in a “thing” with a male friend, who she was sleeping with on and off, and she desperately wanted it to be a relationship. Meanwhile he’d be dating, living with, engaged to skinny blondes or redheads who were her physical opposite, and he’d never have her over to his place, just come to hers. She never dated anyone else because she was consumed with this guy.

    Don’t be that woman. Don’t stick around settling for friendship and crumbs from this guy who clearly wants to date women who are not you. Just remove yourself from this whole situation and focus on meeting guys who want to date you (when social distancing is over).

    #879967 Reply


    #879969 Reply

    You’ll be waiting forever for this guy. Listening to his sad stories about his problems with his girlfriends, getting the occasional kiss while he’s between girlfriends. Waiting, waiting, and missing opportunities to be with guys who actually want to be with you.

    He knows you’re into him. He knows you’re willing to be in a relationship with him. He chooses other women instead. Guys who are into you don’t act like this.

    Don’t do this to yourself. Start dating other men.

    #879971 Reply

    Hi Trisha-Everything the others said! Plus would you really want to be in a relationship with a bit of a “womaniser?” Forget this guy and get a healthier mindset so you can find a good guy and relationship.

    #879973 Reply

    You’re NOT in a love triangle. He’s a flirtatious friend who comes to you for relationship advice and kisses when he’s single.

    DO NOT wait for him! Live your life. It’s possible you two could get together when you’re both older and wiser but that’s not a guarantee. It’s definitely not worth putting your life on hold. DATE people, be in relationships, find out what you like and what you don’t. Focus on hobbies, your education, friendships, work, yourself, etc.

    If you find the current state of your friendship to be to much to handle right now, then set boundaries. When he comes to you for advice tell him you’re not the person to talk to and he should talk to his girlfriend. If he starts getting physical tell him no and put space between you. You’re worth more than this.

    #879989 Reply

    You are waiting in vain. You are not in a love triangle. And he’s not that good of a friend.

    #879992 Reply

    Yes. Move On Already. You can and will do better.

    #880005 Reply

    Friendship plus mutual attraction can be almost enough. Unfortunately, from what you write, I don’t think you really have either Friendship includes trust and mutual respect, which seem not to be present. In addition to friendship and attraction, a level of responsibility, loyalty, and life security are needed.

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