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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Is he garbage or was I not good enough?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Is he garbage or was I not good enough?

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  • #1098127 Reply
    Financialad429
    Guest

    -He’s married but left his wife and son for faraway job – says he just felt like it, for $/selfishness/ freedom , and his family cried for him to stay and he ignored. In the meantime, he told me, he asked his old GF to move w him instead, then went back on it. Says His wife briefly thew him out & his ex tried to commit suicide bc of him.

    -Initially led me to believe he’s getting divorced, but then went back on it for his son’s sake/ so he doesn’t need to give away $.  Freaked out over 1 pic of us I posted and said he wouldnt be allowed to see his kid.
    -at all points he’d tell me he’d never want to, or even could be, in another relationship bc there’d always be expectations he couldn’t meet and he will never be able to fully be w anyone 

    -he would say passionate things in text but always in person was cold and detached/ like always left right after sex, if I ever put an affectionate hand on me he’d remove it 

    -Says he’s a sociopath and feels nothing. After telling me we would only ever be friends tried to make me feel badly for seeing other men and then I asked him about one girl liking all his social media. He said a bunch of elaborate stuff about how he wanted her and they were close in the past, then said he made it up to get me to move on, then she defriended / blocked him. Then suddenly he’s going to a party w her and bringing his son allegedly buT at very same time sexting me and making plans to meet up with me again for sex

    -When I talked to his wife first she accused me of making up the account w screenshots, then said ok whatever he’s playing you too; let me know when you make it publiciy official 

    I mostly feel he’s just scum and never going to leave his wife And have anything w the Ow either… but what do you think 

    #1098128 Reply
    Ange
    Guest

    So he’s the worst… Like really, you need other people to decipher that?!

    #1098131 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    He’s flaming garbage, yes, and you appear to be losing your dignity and moral compass by associating with him. I hope you’ve blocked him everywhere and no longer communicate.

    #1098132 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Yeah, he’s trash and if you possibly think you might have “not been good enough” for this dumpster fire, you may want to seek counseling for your low self esteem.

    #1098134 Reply
    Hazel
    Participant

    I don’t know you but the odds are high that unless you are a serial axe-murderer you are in fact far too good for this mess of a human.

    #1098135 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    He’s awful. Honestly, you’re not a whole lot better. You knew he was married, knew all this other stuff about him, yet you wanted to cling to this guy? Your letter still ends with the tone of if he would only leave his wife, you’d be thrilled to stay with him and sort of begging us to see a glimmer of hope that he will leave her. Wtf!

    #1098139 Reply
    FYI
    Guest

    Honestly — maybe I have spent far too much time trying to talk (former) friends out of their insanity — but I have little patience for questions like this. LW, you give a laundry list of garbage behavior and then ask everyone if he is a garbage human.

    The real issue here is YOU. It would be awesome if every single commenter bypassed the drama of this narrative and addressed the real issue — why have you engaged with this?

    You need to spend a lot less time cataloging and dissecting his behavior, and a lot more time addressing your low self-worth.

    #1098140 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    If a man leaves his wife and kids to be “selfish” you know EXACTLY what kind of person you’re dealing with. If a man abandons his own child, he doesn’t give a shit about anyone, and he should not be good enough for anyone.

    #1098144 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    This doesn’t strike me as low self-esteem. It strikes me as entitlement: she wants what she wants and any other women and children in this guys life be damned. It is perhaps too much self-esteem, as she sees herself as THE woman who can tame this (as she declares herself) very bad boy. She can’t understand why she can’t beat the wife and have this pathetic dude for herself. Who listens to a guy declare himself an uncaring sociopath and still longs to capture him for herself? She’s not a victim; she’s a selfish enabler.

    #1098146 Reply
    Financialad429
    Guest

    It’s the instability that has me flabbergasted.
    -Telling me he’s paralyzed by missing his son so much, and that’s why he can’t have a relationship, but he’s the one who says he left his wife & son while they cried just to be selfish, and he never moved back.
    -telling me he should have ended up w his ex GF, but years later they started communicating again & he asked her to move with him… his wife threw him out briefly over it… but then he took it back and ditched her
    -he’ll tell me in the same conversation that he can’t have sex bc he’s still married and feels guilty, and sext me
    -he’ll tell me in same conversation that he’s interested in some other woman, and sext me
    -he said JK I’m never getting divorced, and I can never be more than a friend bc of that, but he cheats on his wife

    #1098147 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Get. Over. It.

    #1098148 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Want more for yourself. Really. You’ll turn into him, with questionable morals and seemingly no emotions.

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