“Is He My FWB Or Something More?”

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  • This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by VeronicaDavis10.
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    March 20, 2023 at 1:02 pm #1119215

    From a LW:

    “I have been seeing a guy on and off that an older lady introduced me to with the intention that we would be just good friends. After getting involved sexually, he said that we were together and that I can call him babe. We both enjoy being with each other because the sex is excellent. He likes to give me oral pleasure but I am not keen on giving him the same ( he never asked for it or demanded it). I spoke to him about it and it never seemed like he had an issue with me not liking to do it. Needless to say, I have given it to him a few times.

    I figured he had someone else when he started seeing me less. I had a discussion with him about where the relationship was heading and he said he was torn. That really hurt. However, he tried to fix the statement that he was torn as to whether or not he wanted a relationship with me because I have children and he has never dated anyone with kids.

    Turned out, he lied about his whereabouts. I went to his house around 4 am in the morning and he wasn’t there. He had told me at around 12 am that he was waiting on the water to heat up for him to take a shower then call me back. He never called back. I got suspicious and drove by his house and his car was not in the driveway. He called me later that morning and said he fell asleep. I told him that he is not telling the truth because I drove by the house and he was not there. I prompted him to check his camera to see that I really drove by. He got mad at me. Told me that I don’t trust him so why do I want to be with him. He then told me it was over and broke up with me.

    I stayed away from him. He contacted me later and we met up. He talked about us going on dates and me meeting his mother. I felt he was now serious. However, after getting involved with him sexually, he never carried through. It ended up in a FWB situation. He is very kind to me. He does whatever I ask him to do for me around the house, fixed my computer, buys me new computer, buys me printer ink, helps with my homework, babysit the kids while I travelled abroad etc. He is very tender with me. But he told me that he likes me and only wants us to be friends. We have great sex still. Lately, he has been staying longer and doing it harder. Does this mean he has less feelings for me?

    All the good he has done and the great sex we share have made me fallen in love with him but he said he does not love me, he likes me. I told him I have feelings for him and that I love him and asked that we be in a relationship but he refused. He said we tried before but it never worked out so we can be friends if I like. He said we are not on the same page. This has been going on for 2 years.

    I am hurting because I am deeply in love with this guy who has been kind to me consistently but does not want to move forward. I asked him how would he advise his sister if she found herself in this situation I am in with him. He later answered by saying that he would tell her that if she is not being abused and treated badly then she should do whatever she likes. I asked him what if in the future he finds someone else. He said he would tell me. I told him that already hurt just to hear him say that to me.

    I love him and want more but he has expressed he does want more. I asked him why. He said because I am crazy. Yet I have not acted that way. He said his mom told him that she is crazy because she was her birthday is the day before mine and she’s crazy, too. I don’t think that’s fair to me. I do express how I feel when I am hurt but I have not wronged him because I want him so much. My question is, do you think there is the possibility that he will eventually want a relationship with me? Or should I just let go hard though it is?”

    March 20, 2023 at 5:59 pm #1119219

    It sounds like this man has been very clear with the level of commitment he’s willing to give to you, you just haven’t listened. If you want a relationship move on, he’s not it.

    March 20, 2023 at 6:27 pm #1119220

    If you want to be perpetually unfulfilled in this relationship, keep seeing him. If you want to eventually be totally heartbroken when he meets someone he actually wants to be in a relationship with, keep seeing him.

    If you want literally anything else, move on. It’s never going to get any better than it is currently with him.

    March 21, 2023 at 6:28 am #1119222

    Why do you want to be with a guy you don’t trust, who isn’t at home at 4am when you drive by to check up on him?

    He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. I’m sorry, but you can’t change the way other people feel about you. I mean, what is the appeal, the sex? It’s too late, he doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore.

    I’m sorry things did not work out the way you want. Sometimes that happens. The best thing to do at this point is to move on with dignity. Stop contacting him. Therapy.

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    March 21, 2023 at 11:56 am #1119227

    “He said because I am crazy. Yet I have not acted that way.”

    LW, you literally did a 4 a.m. drive-by to verify whether he was lying to you. That’s super weird and creepy! I’m not condoning him calling you crazy — I don’t think that’s okay and generally-speaking, I believe that for most “crazy women” out there, the dots can be connected back to a man treating her horribly — but it sounds like you’re coming a bit unglued here. You are dickmatized!

    Anyway, he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Move on! I’m positive there are men out there who will buy you printer ink, won’t lie to you, AND want to date you.

    FWIW, my sister literally wasted FIVE years on a situationship. FIVE. In late 2021, they went on a road trip together. On the way home, he told her he’d been seeing someone new and wanted to pursue it, and this trip was their nice goodbye, but he hoped they could stay friends. My sister was not okay! Don’t let that be you.

    March 21, 2023 at 8:27 pm #1119228

    Yes, I will agree that driving by your man’s house because you don’t trust his words at 4 am are…not cool. I won’t say crazy, but that’s next level drama. If that’s how little you trust him, you’re silly for wasting the gas.

    Also, copa, WOW. I would have flipped out. “This is our nice little goodbye. I sure hope we can be friends.” My eye would twitch and he’d be seen no more. Unbelievable!

    March 22, 2023 at 5:34 am #1119229

    This is where the saying “if you love someone set them free” applies. Set him free to pursue commitmentless interactions.

    And set yourself free to find the relationship that meets your needs – this one isn’t cutting it.

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    March 22, 2023 at 9:20 am #1119236

    @anonymousse – It was so bad. She became close friends with her situationship’s best friend + wife during the five years and the best friend + wife asked her what happened. When her ex-situationship found out she was talking, he threatened to sue my sister for slander. LOL. And she still wanted to stay friends with the guy! Omg. He sucks, but he did tell her early on and a few other times throughout that he didn’t want a relationship with her.

    Anyway, LW, listen to him when he tells you he doesn’t want to date you. He’s not playing hard to get. Get mad that he lies to you and called you crazy. Tell yourself you deserve more than this and walk away on your terms. You say he’s kind, but is he? Cause IMO kind people don’t behave like this.

    March 30, 2023 at 1:14 am #1119401

    “It sounds like you’re in a difficult situation. It’s clear that you have strong feelings for this guy and have been hoping for more from your relationship. However, he seems to be content with the FWB situation and has repeatedly told you that he doesn’t want to move forward into a romantic relationship.

    It’s important to listen to his words and actions, as they clearly indicate his intentions. While it’s possible that he may change his mind in the future, it’s not something you can count on. It’s ultimately up to you to decide whether you’re willing to continue in this situation knowing that it’s not what you truly want, or if you need to let go and move on to find someone who wants the same things as you.

    It’s also worth considering whether this dynamic is healthy for you. It’s great that he’s been kind and helpful in many ways, but it’s not fair for him to call you “”crazy”” simply because you have expressed your feelings. It’s important to be with someone who respects and values you, and who is willing to communicate openly and honestly.

    In the end, the decision is yours to make. It’s not an easy one, but it’s important to prioritize your own needs and happiness.”

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“Is He My FWB Or Something More?”

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