Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Is he telling me the truth?

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  • This topic has 18 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by bittergaymarkBittergaymark.
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  • #857266 Reply

    A couple of months ago my fiance, out of nowhere, told me he didn’t know if he felt the same. This went on for about a week where we hardly spoke and I spent the whole time pretty much sobbing. Then he agreed to try and make it work. However, the day after I found an email on his phone where he had bought antibiotics online for an Sti. I confronted him on this and at first he lied, saying they weren’t for him. Then he told me he couldn’t remember when it happened as he was drunk, then he said it was ‘ages ago’ and then his final response was that he went to a brothel the day before. I don’t know whether or not to believe him as he wasn’t honest straight away about it and also, why would he need antibiotics if he went to a brothel as surely a condom is used?? I agreed to stay with him and move on for a number of reasons, however I’m concerned now I might have an sti. I’m going to get myself checked but I don’t know what to do if it comes back positive. I have given him so many opportunities to be honest and one reason why I chose to forgive him is because the sex was meaningless. However, if he has had an affair or cheated multiple times I don’t think I could move on from this. None of it seems to make sense. What would you do if it comes back positive?

    #857376 Reply
    avatarPart-time Lurker

    I would have left the minute I heard the word “brothel” come out of his mouth. Actually, I wouldn’t have waited that long. No matter how much you love him if he’s sleeping with other women he doesn’t love you. Which, he already told you months ago.

    #857401 Reply

    Gse, this situation is so ambiguous. Hard to say what to do.

    #857403 Reply


    Don’t stick around for more bull sh1t. Try — try — to have some self-respect. Any further hurt you experience in this relationship is on you, because you have all the facts you need to GTFO right now.

    #857407 Reply

    He knew he had an STI that requires an antibody to treat and didn’t bother to tell you. Untreated STIs can make women infertile, or cause worse problems. He didn’t care.

    I would say that this shows he doesn’t love you…but he’s already told you he doesn’t.

    He’s not going to be sticking around for long, but that’s not really relevant. You shouldn’t want him to stay. He doesn’t care about you. You should want a man who loves you with his whole heart, not someone who’ll “try” to love you.

    #857409 Reply

    Obviously he’s not telling you the truth. He wasn’t going to tell you he had an STI, and he told you several different bullshit things when you confronted him. Are you seriously asking if he’s telling the truth?

    #857411 Reply

    He told you a series of stories. Why would the last one actually be honest? You can’t trust him. If you take him back the two of you will slowly disintegrate as a couple. You might as well get it over with and break up.

    You can’t trust him now. You will constantly feel the need to check up on what he is doing and question where he has been and who he has been with. The relationship you had is over. He has permanently broken it. You can drag it out but you can’t fix it. You can even forgive him and be unable to trust him or fix it. Forgiveness and trust are two different things. He’s a liar. You now know that. He lies to you. He can’t be trusted.

    #857420 Reply

    I mean, either he cheated on you with a prostitute or he did something even worse such that cheating on you with a prostitute is somehow less damning. Also he said that he doesn’t want to be with you.

    #857425 Reply

    So he went to a brothel and then immediately knew he had an sti and ordered antibiotics 24 hours later? I don’t think it works like that…the symptoms take days or weeks to come up. It’s much more likely he was cheating on you for a long time, either with one person or multiple people. That’s why he was pulling away. He also knew he had an sti and chose not to tell you, putting your health at very serious risk. He has already told you, verbally and with his actions, that he doesn’t want to be with you. He literally does not even care if his cheating resulted in you getting severely sick and losing your ability to have children. Even if you test negative, it’s still true that none of this makes sense, because he is lying. It’s very obvious what you need to do, and that is leave him immediately. If you insist on staying then you should never, ever have sex without a condom because you cannot trust him not to cheat, you cannot trust him not to lie, and you cannot trust him to value your health or safety.

    #857470 Reply

    Whether the test comes back positive or negative, dump him, like now. He’s practically begging you to, but he doesn’t have the backbone to break up with you himself. He doesn’t love you. He’s willing to risk your reproductive health through an STI, because he just doesn’t care. Why would you stay with someone who doesn’t love you, and who has said he’s unsure about his feelings for you? Honestly, this shouldn’t even be an issue.

    #857535 Reply

    LW you are doing the right thing in getting tested for STIs….buying antibiotics online doesn’t seem safe?…. did he even get tested by a doctor? Wouldn’t the doctor give him a prescription….what if he had symptoms of an STI, but bought the wrong antibiotics online? make sure you get tested for all the most common STIs just to make sure you are ok….alot of diseases can have similar symptoms so absolutely see a doctor to get a proper diagnosis….as far as the guy, I would end things….if he cares so little about other people that he can’t even be bothered to use a condom then he isn’t worth a second thought

    #857544 Reply

    1) He doesn’t want to be with you
    2) When pressed, he’ll “try to make it work with you”
    3) He lies to you repeatedly
    4) He visits brothels
    5) He has unprotected sex with you after visiting prostitutes or brothels
    6) He has an STI and hasn’t seen a doctor

    I’m concerned for your self esteem.
    Get yourself tested and dump the fiancé. Don’t have unprotected sex with men who visit brothels, prostitutes, or lie to you. Aim higher.

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