Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed.

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    August 7, 2018 at 12:13 pm #784979

    This poor young mother. I really wish she hadn’t agreed to a paternity test… The amount of drama she’s inviting into her life by trying to let you have a relationship with your granddaughter is insane.

    How is letting you know the existence of your granddaughter wanting you to “roll out the red carpet?” You complain she took too long for her to bring you into their lives but then you do nothing but complain about the fact that she and her daughter exist!

    I also really feel for your living son. The amount of pressure and drama he must be getting from you, the emotions of having a niece all while he tries to retain his sobriety must be very difficult. You of course don’t seem to care about that. Only yourself. No matter what it does to others.

    Please find a grief counselor and a support group for mothers of troubled sons. FOCUS ON YOUR HEALING and not on disrupting people’s lives.

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    August 7, 2018 at 12:32 pm #784985

    I bet the mother actually knew which son the father is, and that’s why she wouldn’t do it previously. It’s a waste of time and money.

    She was right to stay away from you as she was caring for an infant and baby. Look at all the viciousness inside of you. You can’t even be happy that you are now allowed into your grandchild’s life. You spite her by not meeting her.

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    August 7, 2018 at 1:06 pm #784995

    Tiffani-
    Ignore all the hatred. Nothing is harming the Granddaughter no matter how much they try to say it is. Everything will work out. Let us know what happens.

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    August 7, 2018 at 1:36 pm #785003

    Yeah, I’m sure her granddaughter is better off without her. In that way, you are correct Carolann.

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    Ruby Tuesday
    August 7, 2018 at 2:06 pm #785011

    We get it, @carolann. Your drug cartel parents really did a fucking number on you. Just because you’re still upset the state took you away from your incredibly fucked up parents does not mean that you are justified in actively praying for that same life for an innocent young child.

    Frankly, it sounds like the only person who ever gave a damn about your well-being was the agency that removed you from your parents’ care.

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    ron
    August 7, 2018 at 2:39 pm #785021

    Carolann —

    Kids are not special Allen wrenches brought into this world to fix their parents and grandparents or to give these adults a reason for living. You apparently felt that responsibility very keenly, but it is not fair or moral or ethical to pace such an expectation upon a young child. Adults need to fix themselves. There is a reason many step programs for addicts discourage romantic involvements in at least the first year of recovery: the addict wants to get well for themselves. Getting well for another person, lover or child, is not as sustainable a motivation.

    Btw, the only hate I see here is coming from OP. The thing she wanted most in this world was for the mother of her granddaughter to take another paternity test — a paternity test which could provide absolutely zero value to this young mother or her daughter and could cost her SS support. Likely after a lot of badgering from son, the mother agrees to the test. Is OP happy? Hell no, she’s hating on this young mother more viciously than in any of her prior posts. She’s aggrieved that she lost time with granddaughter, something that nothing in the world can change, just as this young mother can’t go back in time and choose a more appropriate father for her child.

    OP seems to be operating from a ton of grief over the death of son #1 and two tons of guilt about how the sons,whom she raised, turned out. The solutions to her twin problems lies in therapy — grief counseling and counseling about her sense of guilt. Hatred and sense of extreme grievance toward this young mother will do exactly zilch to help OP. She needs to get help for herself (something she shows no inclination to do), because the problem is within her.

    Suicidal and criminal drug addicts simply should not be allowed to participate in the raising of children. That is simple common sense. The mother and society have a duty to protect the child from this. The mother did her part. I applaud her for that and think she owes OP nothing. Op would willingly endanger her child to suit her own selfish needs, while harming the mother-daughter relationship.

    If OP were to show this whole thread to the mother of her grandchild, that young mother would never allow her into her child’s life. If she were to go to court to force the issue, the judge would laugh her out of court. Her level of hate and venom is that great and her son’s irresponsibility and inappropriateness as a parent is that obvious.

    Carolann —
    Your persistent belief that allowing criminal addicts to raise a child should be seen as a way to save the lives of the parents reminds me so much of the poster with the hopeless crush on her married boss, who rebutted every suggestion as to why she should just leave the guy alone with her stock phrase “anything can happen” Yes, I suppose almost anything can happen VERY,VERY rarely. Really, you need to forgive yourself for not being able to save your parents. That was never your job as a kid. They failed you and your brother, not the other way around.

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    LisforLeslie
    August 7, 2018 at 10:52 pm #785136

    I for one can only live someone if I’ve known them from birth. It is impossible for me to love someone if they existed before I knew them.

    I also believe that children are put on earth to rescue adults. And we know that people always put their kids first and never behave selfishly. Parents never take the grocery money and use it for drugs. They never hit their kids. And we know that if addicts focus their energy on one person, it always works and they never fall off the wagon.

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    August 7, 2018 at 11:09 pm #785141

    I want to echo @ron’s point about how a judge would react to this post because he is absolutely right. No laws or court rules exist to prevent the mother from submitting this thread as evidence and no family court judge in their right mind would ever consider allowing your family in that child’s life. The only thing that will come of your misdirected anger is that your son is now legally mandated to pay child support (and may have his wages garnished or serve jail time for failure to pay), but the mother will be granted a restraining order against your entire family, effectively ending any hope you or your son might have of every establishing a relationship with this child.

    @Tiffani, if you can’t understand our advice, at least look back on the childhood of the only person defending your behavior:

    “And @anonymouse both my parents were drug addicts. They were also drug traffickers who were deeply involved in organized crime. (My mother is in hiding to this day because she has had a hit out on her for years.I even had to move because one of them found me and I was in fear for myself and my kids.)
    One of my favorite memories was coming home from school all excited because I had concert tickets…only to find my dad near death from an overdose. If I hadn’t stopped by the house he would have died.(he overdosed many more times and eventually died from addiction.) So please stop acting like I don’t know about the plight of children of addicts. Gimme a f**king break…you have no idea!”

    Oh and BTW my brother spent 7 years in prison because when he was 17 years old my father had him involved. Turns out one of the people involved was an undercover officer. My dad had my brothers selling drugs for him from a young age.(the brother who went to prison never used drugs and still doesn’t, my other brother did) This was the same brother that my parents (my dad and step mom) dropped when he was only a few months old (they were high of course) poor tiny baby had a double cast up to his hip. We had to put maxi pads on him under his diaper to keep everything off his cast. I have no idea how they didn’t take him. I ended up in foster care by 13.
    I still believe people can get sober and I still believe if the Uncle turns out to be the dad he should have rights.“

    Please take the time to work with a therapist before your words or actions permanently damage your relationship with your granddaughter. I know you will never regret getting to know her, but don’t ruin your relationship before you get that chance.

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    August 8, 2018 at 10:25 am #785349

    Here is a good article to let you know how a child changes a parent

    https://www.wcvb.com/article/narcan-used-4-times-on-overdosing-driver-who-had-baby-in-car-police-say/22671566

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    August 8, 2018 at 10:49 am #785359

    GeeZeus

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    Northern Star
    August 8, 2018 at 11:13 am #785373

    I figured it out. Tiffani thinks her granddaughter’s mother is a whore. Hey, she slept with two brothers. And that’s what embarrasses Tiffani most—not her two sons’ drug use or criminal history. It’s the fact that they could both be the father to a little girl. THAT’S why she calls this girl a lowlife.

    How utterly, utterly pathetic.

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    Oracle
    August 8, 2018 at 11:40 am #785388

    Depending on the state (and this is most of them) if the surviving son, no matter what the record, is the father they will give him the child 50 percent of the time until the child is hurt or dead. Which means horrible grandmother will be taking care of this child. I think the mother is pretty sure who the father is. I just hope she is right.

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Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed.

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