Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed.

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Viewing 12 posts - 97 through 108 (of 123 total)
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  • Tiffani
    August 6, 2018 at 8:06 pm #784657

    Oracle- How are we a nightmare? The only low life is my granddaughter’s mother. She chose to hide her from us and now expects me to roll out the red carpet. It doesn’t work like that. I’ve decided to bite my tongue and not cause any unnecessary drama, but I still haven’t forgiven the mother, time will only heal this wound that has been reopened. I would have loved to have been in my granddaughter’s life from they very start, but that was taken from me. My living son will have a lot of growing up to do IF he’s the father. He’s already making strides in repairing his life, so that’s a positive start. He still speaks to the mother on a daily basis, and from what I’ve been told,the the mother is embarrassed to admit to anyone in her family that she slept with brothers. This is probably one reason she has kept quiet and never contacted until now. My family might have some issues, but we all love each other.

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    Avatar photo
    August 6, 2018 at 8:16 pm #784663

    Drugs + Crime + Jail + Inability To Pay Child Support + Disregard For 3 Year Old’s Well-being = Lowlife Family

    Nothing you’ve written takes accountability for the way your sons turned out. You show not an ounce of empathy for the woman raising your grandchild and not the slightest concern about this little girl. It’s all about you and your deadbeat son.

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    August 6, 2018 at 8:38 pm #784674

    I am so happy for you Tiffani!
    I haven’t looked back at your post in a few days…
    I know it is true that finding out isn’t going to help you with the grief you feel for your son. I think grief counseling will do you a lot of good. And maybe joining a group of other parents who lost their children. You aren’t alone, I’ll bet there are other moms who have been through very similar circumstances.
    I think not knowing was eating at you and also your son, so everyone can know for sure and move on from there.
    Either way you do have a Granddaughter and everything will pass. Hopefully the Mom will help encourage a relationship with you. I hope knowing for sure, finding some closure and developing a relationship with the Grandaughter will heal some wounds. Those who are criticizing need to understand that finding out about a Grandchild suddenly is jolting especially with all the extenuating circumstances. I think everyone was being a bit hard on you. No one knows what it is like to be in your shoes, but you.

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    August 6, 2018 at 9:00 pm #784683

    And to everyone who said I was making assumptions about the Mom…I wasn’t, I was pointing out that we did not know enough about her to know her or her intentions either way.
    My family was extreme. Yes, my parents were addicts, but my Dad was going to one of the best colleges in the country pursuing an Engineering degree when he got hooked on drugs. He was the “Gifted” Golden Boy from an upper middle class family. It can happen to anyone and it isn’t the necessarily the letter writers fault that her sons turned out like they did. To call her a low life was harsh.
    IMO
    As far as the son having issues with drugs I DO understand the Mom wanting to protect the child, but to put her on a pedestal was a bit much when these were the type of people she was laying with.(and apparently the Mom is still hanging around with the son) What makes her so much better and more capable of change than anyone else? It is nice to hear she appears to be a good Mom, but we know very little about her or her past.
    I do believe children should be protected from drug addicted parents, but I also believe some of them will change their lives around. It does happen. The Uncle/Dad needs to be giving the opportunity to do that. If he screws it up that is on him.

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    Northern Star
    August 6, 2018 at 11:23 pm #784733

    Gee, congrats, Tiffani. You and your loser son might “win” a three-year-old as a prize.

    That’ll fix everything. Yeah.

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    Ruby Tuesday
    August 6, 2018 at 11:30 pm #784735

    What makes the mother so much better and more capable of change than anyone else? We have not heard about her extensive criminal record, multiple jail stays, or struggle with drug addiction.

    There are only two candidates for the father. The first, a man with an extensive criminal record, multiple jail stays, and long struggle with drug addiction, and his brother, who lost his life to drugs before committing suicide.

    That makes her better than everyone else.

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    Ruby Tuesday
    August 6, 2018 at 11:34 pm #784737

    I mean, for fuck’s sake, @carolann, what is wrong with you?

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    Oracle
    August 6, 2018 at 11:59 pm #784747

    You think the mother is a lowlife because she kept the baby away from from your two, in and out of jail, druggie sons. I say she is being a good mother. You think your son (sons) have issues. Way beyond that. Growing up to do, oh it’s way beyond that too. You have been a poor to say the least mother. Both, I repeat both your sons are beyond losers. One could have just happened but both? Flash you are being a bad grandmother too. You seem to be trying to mess up this child too.

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    saneinca
    August 7, 2018 at 2:46 am #784800

    Tiffani, the only known low life so far seems to be your son even from your narrative.

    If your other son is as mental as you, then your grandchild’s mother did a good job keeping you and your screwed up family away from the child.

    It is unfortunate that she now brought the child to your attention. I will pray for the child’s continued safety ad welfare.

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    August 7, 2018 at 2:52 am #784801

    Tiffani-
    I wish you the best and I don’t blame you for how you feel about the situation. The Grandchild is young yet and you will have plenty of time to ease into your relationship with her. You aren’t doing anything to hurt the Granddaughter and she is apparently being taken good care of so ignore all the negative responses. (I do :))Give yourself the time to get help with your grief and process everything you have gone through.

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    ron
    August 7, 2018 at 10:36 am #784948

    Tiffani-

    So, now this child’s mother has agreed to give you what you want, but your feelings for her have bloomed into full-fledged hate and loathing. Nice! Until you fix yourself, get over your grief, and are able to see this young woman’s actions from the standpoint of a mother trying to protect her child, you will only be a very bad influence on this little girl and her mother. Your level of hate and entitlement is astonishing.

    Of course you loved both your sons and they loved you. Of course you wanted to fix them. That does not mean this mother wronged either you or your sons. Just reading the description of them, from their own loving mother, I get the clear picture that it was very wise of the mother to protect her daughter from them. If this is the conclusion as seen through your description of them, I can only wonder how dangerous they appeared from the perspective of this young mother. Her primary, tops by a HUGE margin, responsibility was to her child. Her second responsibility was to protect herself. Any rational responsibility to you and your sons is well down the list.

    You are projecting all your concerns and guilt onto this mother.

    Carolann —
    A little girl is not a tool you pull out of your toolbox to fix two damaged adults. It is not at all fair to the little girl. It is not her responsibility to fix her father and grandmother and likely she will be damaged in the process as both you and your brother were, without succeeding in fixing your father.

    You are right that we don’t know everything about this young mother, but knowing the LW’s attitude about this woman and how her family has been wronged by her, I’m very certain that if LW knew very bad things about her
    that she would have recited those things in one of her updates.

    Even taking your assumptions as givens, that this young mother is also an addict and a terrible person, I would still give her kudos for trying to protect her daughter from both of these sons. They clearly were both extremely troubled, drug-addicted, in at least one case criminal. Not the person any diligent, protective mother wants around her young child. The mother did good by keeping her daughter a secret for as long as she could.

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    August 7, 2018 at 11:42 am #784972

    Tiffani, you really need to get some help for yourself. Nothing was taken from you. She just gave you a gift, and you hate her for it.

    And if you, just finding out that you have a grandchild, don’t want to roll out the red carpet for her…it’s no surprise to me your sons have had such issues. You are obsessed with your anger, obsessed with what’s been “taken” from you, so much so that you can’t even see the blessing in front of you. It’s really sad reading every single comment you make. You are wasting all your time being angry at the wrong person. Look in the mirror. You won’t even go meet your grandchild. That’s really messed up.

    Carolann, yes, you were making assumptions. You still are. She isn’t hanging out with the uncle, he tells his mother they talk everyday, which I bet is bs. You seem to think addicts are great and honest people, which is really sad given your supposed history.

    As for using a child to help an addict get better…that’s sick and truly delusional thinking.

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Is he the uncle or father? Please help…advice needed.

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