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Dear Wendy

Is he too old to be my man??

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This topic contains 30 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar Sarah 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 7 posts - 25 through 31 (of 31 total)
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  • #728765 Reply

    @Copa I met him after my 30th and he was 37. He turned 38 this year. It was a shocker for my parents but my Dad told him recently that Dad figured I needed an “older more mature man” Haha. Oh Dad.
    I would cap out my age limit for dating around the 5-6 year age range above and 2 below. So 7 was “pushing it” but if I hadn’t met him I’d probably open up to 40.

    #728770 Reply

    Gotcha. I met my last serious boyfriend when I was 26 and he was 31, and at the time, that was pushing my limit at the time. It took until earlier this calendar year for me to open up my age range more than 5-6 years. There was a guy I dated in Jan/Feb who was 39 and it wasn’t weird at all. So now I’m open to the 40ish crowd! I’m also open to guys a few years younger. I do try not to get too hung up on age, and want to be open to a good connection even if the guy is a little older or younger than he “should” be. A former friend of mine was hugely embarrassed that she was over a year older than one of her exes because she firmly believes the man MUST be older, which I think is completely stupid. If I got to pick a guy’s age, I’d (arbitrarily) choose 36. Just sounds like a good age for me to be dating!

    #728772 Reply

    I mean, once you are a mature grown-up, what’s the difference? Is there really a huge difference between 35 and 38? Or 37 and 41? I feel like once I got past the mid-20s or so, it wasn’t like I was, or my life was, changing drastically every few years. I feel more or less the same, personality-wise, now as I did a decade ago. It’s FAR from scandalous, imo, for a 31-year-old to date a 38-year-old. Age is just a number!

    #728776 Reply

    It really does matter less and less the older you get. My husband was 28 and I was 33 when we got married, didn’t matter. Take it back a few years to when I was finishing high school as he was finishing primary school and you’ve got yourself a lawsuit.

    #728778 Reply

    I agree that its not so much about the age difference as experience difference. That’s part of why the half-plus-seven range is a good rule– it naturally expands as you get older (i.e. at 40 it would be 27+, a 13 year gap but at 50 it would be 32+, an 18 year gap)

    When I graduated college my boyfriend at the time was 3 years younger. But by the time I’d been out of school for a year and I was 22 and he was 19, it felt like such a huge gap between us. Because I was an adult with an adult job and adult responsibilities and he was still living in dorms and writing term papers. Your early 20s are a huge time for growth and change, and if you still live at home with your parents you are not at all in the same life experience category as a man with two children!

    If he’s really the one, then he can wait a few years. Get your own apartment (or with roommates), grow up enough to introduce him to your freaking parents, and spend some time getting to know who you are before you become half of a unit.

    #728779 Reply

    Moving in with any romantic partner, regardless of age, after 4 months is a bad idea.

    Moving in with a romantic partner with kids after only 4 months is a worse idea, regardless of age.

    Moving straight from your parents’ house to cohabitating with a romantic partner is almost certainly a bad idea.

    Becoming a de facto stepmom to teenagers you don’t know at age 22 is a bad idea.

    The fact that you are sneaking around and scared of your parents’ reaction shows you are not mature enough to be in this relationship.

    Bottom line, DO NOT move in with this guy. Move out into a place of your own (with platonic roommates if needed), focus on your job/career, learning things like how to live independently and take care of yourself, and learning who you are.

    I think your best best is to amicably end the relationship and move on. The only circumstance under which you should continue the relationship is if you can slow it the hell down, take some time (NOT living together) to get to know each other and determine if what you have is real and not just new relationship hormones. If you cannot do this, it just reinforces the fact that you are not mature enough to be in this relationship. If he is not cool with this plan, it’s a HUGE red flag that he is not the right one for you.

    #728783 Reply

    Your 22 its been 4 months if he was the one you would have no reservations about meeting your parents they would know all about him. At 4 months with someone with their own place when your used to living at home you are in the we want to screw on all surfaces and push our sickeningly new relationship on everyone phase. Also, while I don’t think he should let you meet his kids if you all are discussing living together why haven’t you met his daughter? 22 is when you do these stupid things so you can look back on them when you are his age, so have fun with this but be safe use birth control.

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