Is it a red flag if my friend doesnt like us hanging out without her?

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  • This topic has 4 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 months ago by Anonymousse.
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  • nikki
    November 17, 2023 at 12:20 am #1126665

    I’ve always been a little confused about her and whether I should be friends with her or no.

    A recurring thing I’ve seen is that she becomes passive-agressive or directly mad when she sees that we havent hung out with her.

    We had a class that she wasn’t in last week, and were messing around and posted some pictures on nstagram. Then she replied to my story, subltly and a few minutes later not so subtly making us feel bad for it. We apologized and tried to include her in everything we did as much as possible after that.

    Today, we were on a call, which we didn’t invite her to, cause her parents were strict and we wanted to talk about something juicy- one of us agreed that we would text her about it afterward.

    She then noticed from the active/on a call statuses that the three of us were on one and asked us to go F*** ourselves.

    Are we in the wrong, or is she a red flag?

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    November 18, 2023 at 12:06 pm #1126670

    Is it a red flag? Kind of.

    Since you refer to some parents being strict, I’m going to assume you’re not adults here.

    Your friend is experiencing a lot of jealousy and wants to be included in things, which is fairly normal. She has an unacceptable amount of it though and seems to be lashing out any time she feels excluded. I’m sympathetic to her, but what she’s doing isn’t acceptable. You’re not obligated to soothe her feelings of jealousy.

    You don’t seem to be very close friends with her, and it doesn’t seem like you’ll miss her much if you weren’t friends with her, so you can just let the friendship fade naturally. It’s a consequence of how she acts. I don’t think you should say “hey we aren’t friends anymore” and it might be worth it to let her figure out how to act.

    At the end of the day though, in my mind when someone tells you to “fuck off”, it’s ok to listen.

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    LisforLeslie
    November 19, 2023 at 7:46 am #1126683

    No one likes to be excluded, but this sounds like she expects everyone to follow her schedule – which is unrealistic and quite frankly, a bit delusional. Toddlers think the world stops when they go to bed at night.

    Agree with @bloodymediocrity – if someone tells you to fuck off – it’s ok to say “OK”

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    Avatar photo
    November 20, 2023 at 10:22 am #1126716

    Is there a larger pattern of her being left out? I agree with the other posters, but mostly chiming in to say that her reactions are probably because she’s never learned a better way of handling uncomfortable emotions. Not saying that excuses her lashing out. You don’t have to accept that kind of treatment from anyone, but you can also be the one to try to have a calm discussion about things should you feel so inclined.

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    Anonymousse
    November 20, 2023 at 1:02 pm #1126728

    I just ignore behavior I don’t like and you know, maybe make a witheringly hilarious burn once in awhile. It’s not her fault her parents have a tight grip on her. I wouldn’t not exclude her more because she makes annoying jealous comments.

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Is it a red flag if my friend doesnt like us hanging out without her?

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