Is it me? Am I wrong
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Thank you all again, you have all said what I already knew deep down but didn’t want to admit.
@Miss_MJ I told myself this almost two years ago but failed to walk.When I asked a year ago “if that’s the way you behave with a female relative, what would you do with a non relative”?
His response “See what I mean by your suspicions, even if I stop with ***** you’ll accuse me of something else”
I have walked now and contact has been severed but he has left me with the legacy that I’ll never trust anyone or feel confident in a relationship again.
Look, almost all of us has had a relationship where there were trust issues and we maybe put up with too much bad behavior or should’ve broken up sooner or never dated the person in the first place. That shouldn’t make us feel doomed forever or like we aren’t worthy and deserving of a good relationship with a trustworthy partner.
The problem here might be the trust issue you have with yourself and your own judgment and that’s something you can work through and improve upon. There are tons of self-help books on this very topic – of cultivating strong intuition and trusting that. You may also want to explore – maybe with the help of a therapist – why you stayed in this relationship far past the point of it no longer working for you. The good news is, this is pretty common and there’s a lot of guidance and support available in working through these issues and getting to a point of trusting yourself.
“I have walked now and contact has been severed but he has left me with the legacy that I’ll never trust anyone or feel confident in a relationship again.”
Therapy. One shitty guy doesn’t deserve this much power over your entire romantic future.
What Copa and Wendy said. This guy is so not worthy of being allowed to dictate your entire future. Also, take a break from dating until you feel confident in yourself, able to trust your instincts and intuition, and no longer feel unable to trust anyone. You do not want to be that person who punishes their new partner for what their old partner did, or uses the “I’ve been wronged/cheated on” excuse to engage in bad behavior yourself that hurts your new partner. That is the quickest way to chase good people away and end up in a crappy relationship again. It’s ok to say you need to heal and recalibrate before you date again.
Take some real time and get professional help and work out what happened here. You did, again and again choose to believe him and stay with him. Why did you stay so long, if you thought something was wrong? I mean, other than the cousin stuff, he sounds really coarse, sexist, and mean? What were his positive attributes? If you don’t trust someone, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. Take some time to really figure out what happened and take the next relationship very slow.
If he were talking to someone not related you would have flipped your lid. This one element made you second guess everything and he counted on that. Either he really does want to sleep with his cousin (ew) or he’s enjoying playing this game because he knows he can’t sleep with his cousin and he’s enjoying torturing you.
In either case, you set a boundary and he crossed it. A normal person doesn’t talk about their undergarments with their cousins – at least not in a sexy way. Ew.
Next time focus on actions not words. Words are easy. Actions show truth.
