Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › Is it normal for your other half to fancy someone else
- This topic has 5 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 5 days, 12 hours ago by CattyGoLightly.
We have been together a while and are still really attracted to each other, I trust him fully. We both use each others phones at times if needed and I was using his to look at something on Facebook (as I don’t have the person on mine) and noticed he had searched for a girl from his new work, he’s been there around 6 months now, we are 33 and the girl is around 21/22. I then looked on insta and he had searched her there too. I didn’t say anything and found the details I needed (was a photo with details of an event posted by someone I don’t have on Facebook) and handed him his phone back. I don’t know if he finds her attractive and wanted to look at her social media out of curiosity. I haven’t mentioned it all because I don’t want to sound insane and I trust that he would never ever cheat on me. How would this make you feel? Do you think it’s natural to find other people attractive (I know I obviously have) and that I have no right to feel jealous over this?CopaParticipant
I do think it’s normal to find others attractive when you are in a relationship. I’d only care if a boundary was crossed.
I don’t necessarily know that looking her up on social media is a sign he is attracted to her, though. I’ve looked up coworkers before out of curiosity. I’ve looked up my boss before — he is a married man and I am not attracted to him. About once per quarter, I look at the social media account of a coworker I find grating because her IG is wide open.ronGuest
“I trust him fully.” Your post strongly suggests otherwise.LanaGuest
I don’t think it suggests they don’t trust him, I think being attracted to others is completely normal human behaviour – but then so is jealousy (within reason) it doesn’t mean that you don’t trust the person you are with. I assume if you felt there was a boundary crossed or another reason for the search that you would speak to your partner about this? My husband gets jealous over my crushes from TV lol doesn’t mean that he doesn’t trust me!
First I wouldn’t assume as above he has searched her because he is attracted to her (even if she is younger and I am assuming attractive and this is why you’ve made the assumption ?)
Secondly, if he is, you trust him fully never to act on anything like this – you have most likely felt an attraction to another person but this is meaningless and your relationship is notAnonymousseGuest
I can not tell you how many people, usually women, who write in that they looked at their partner’s social media, saw they’ve looked at other women and write in here asking about what it means.
It means you snooped and saw something you didn’t like, (which by the way- is not a great example of how you 100% trust him) but that means nothing, and you likely know it. I bet you look up people. I do. What does it mean when I look up a HS friend but I’m 40? People are naturally curious and we have searchable engines at our fingertips. Is it bothering you because she’s hot and younger?
Ask him about it. Tell him what you did. Just be honest and talk about it if it’s bothering you. It takes some looking to see who he’s looked up. That’s ridiculous to me. To invade your partner’s privacy to the extent you look up what he’s searched for on Instagram and Facebook. You are the one who seems to have the issue, you’re insecure. Handle that first, if you actually do trust your bf. Stop snooping. People deserve privacy.CattyGoLightlyParticipant
I mean it’s pretty easy to see who someone searched for on Facebook, and it would require zero snooping. If she were going to the search bar to find someone’s profile or event for the info she needed, then previous searches automatically pop up.
Going on Instagram did require some snooping though, but I think just don’t do it again and take it as a lesson learned.
I’d say it’s just harmless looking on his part. I fall into Facebook and Instagram black holes… Then delete the history immediately because how could I explain the deep dives I’ve gone on without sounding at least a little unhinged. But I think tons of people do it! Sometimes you just want to know if your childhood neighbor who kept poop in a box ever ended up in jail, or what could possibly explain why your coworkers are the way they are.
Side note: I love my partner, but I’m not dead either. It’s normal to find other people attractive and/or to be curious about other people’s lives. My general attitude is to trust a partner until they give my a reason not to, and this is not a reason to stop trusting your boyfriend. Also, it’s normal to feel a little jealousy every now and then. That’s ok too! Just don’t let it take over things.
- This reply was modified 5 days, 12 hours ago by CattyGoLightly.