Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Is it time to break up?

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Copa Copa 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #830257 Reply
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    Del

    Hi everyone, I am a college student who has had a boyfriend for 6 months. He’s amazing in every way… But something isn’t sitting right. He’s gorgeous, smart, responsible, and funny. He’s the guy I’ve probably dreamed of.

    Lately, I’ve been feeling different. I know he’s the type of guy I could see myself with for a long time, but the thought of having a boyfriend all throughout college without exploring freaks me out. I miss hanging out with my friends all the time and flirting with other guys. He also gets angry with me over trivial things, which I have trouble tolerating. Additionally, I wanted a boyfriend who could be physically present, not someone who’s absent most of the time.

    I don’t know what to do. I adore him and love being around him. I know I would miss him if we ended. But at the same time, being tied down at 19 scares me. I just don’t feel thrilled mentioning that he is my boyfriend, or even that I have a boyfriend at all. Thoughts?

    #830260 Reply
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    Bella

    If you feel like you don’t want to mention you have a boyfriend, you shouldn’t have a boyfriend. It’s okay to be single. You’re in college, go out and have fun. You have so much time to find someone who you’re compatible with and who makes you happy. Don’t settle for someone who you’re not happy with and who gets angry for trivial things.

    #830261 Reply
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    Diana

    Yes break up with him. Sounds like you want want to be single and have fun during a time in your life when you should. That’s normal.

    #830288 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Knowing that you’ll miss him isn’t a reason to stay with him. I think people are a little too scared of feeling actual emotions these days. It sounds like you aren’t really into him/the relationship at all. Break up with him. No sense in dating someone if you don’t want to.

    #830298 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    “He also gets angry with me over trivial things.”

    Even if you loved that he was your boyfriend, had no other complaints about your relationship, and saw yourself being with him forever, this one line would be enough for me to recommend breaking up. That’s not a quality you want in a partner and will lead to a great deal of unhappiness down the road if you stay with him.

    #830303 Reply
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    ron

    You don’t sound all that into your (I assume back home, LDR) bf. Words like “He’s the guy I’ve probably dreamed of.” and “type of guy I could see myself with for a long time” sound like he falls into the big bucket of guys who meet your general type. The thing is, you don’t want to spend a lot of time with any guy taken from the right big bucket, you want the right guy from that bucket. And… by the time you graduate from college, your definition of ‘right big bucket’ will likely have changed. For one thing, it likely won’t include guys who repeatedly get angry at you for little things. That’s actually a red flag. This particular guy sounds like an insecure, controlling ass.

    If you don’t want to break up with him, don’t break up. Tell him that you can’t be exclusive with him, because a part of the college experience that you want to have is dating multiple guys, but that you and he can probably date again when you’re home for the summer. He may want to (or actually be) dating other girls while you’re away. It’s certainly normal not to want to go through your college years with a bf who isn’t physically present.

    #830311 Reply
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    Fyodor

    Break up.

    #830312 Reply
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    Fyodor

    He’s better off dating someone local and so are you. Better for everyone. You sound totally uninterested in him and are anxious to solicit the attention of local men. Don’t keep him stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with him.

    #830323 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Part of dating is finding out for yourself what you need in a relationship and what you can’t take.

    You have a list of traits for the right guy. You’ve got gorgeous, smart, responsible and funny.

    It’s time to add to that list. Maybe add physically available and also nice and somebody you love to be around. Also, doesn’t get mad over trivial things or add gets mad over trivial things to your dealbreaker list.

    When you aren’t feeling happy with a relationship and don’t want it to last then break up. Most guys who look right on paper, guys who check off the boxes, still aren’t right for you.

    #830328 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark=

    Break up. You are wayyyyyyyyy too young to tie yourself down. Part now as friends.

    #830330 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark=

    PS — as others have said, you SHOULD have trouble with a guy who repeatedly gets angry with you over trivial things. That is simply so NOT cool. To the contrary that behavior is a huge RED FLAG!!!

    #830674 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Generally if you’re considering or thinking about breaking up often, you should.

    Also, angry people often get angrier and angrier.

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