This topic contains 50 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by CET 1 week ago.
January 29, 2019 at 2:54 am #822341
I really need some advice on this! So I’ve been at my current job for 5 months. My boss is the one who interviewed me when I started. And he said I was “almost too perfect” for the job. Since then, he has been consistently concerned with my well-being, asking if I’m okay, telling me not to wear myself out too much on the job, etc. He pushed for me to get a promotion into a less physically exerting job. Now I’m essentially his assistant. All of this after a couple months of being there. He has put his hand on my waist while talking to me about things, told me I’m thin, compared me to the young, beautiful character in a movie while saying our female co-worker is the ugly female villain. When he says something funny in a group, he always looks at me first, seemingly looking to see my reaction. He also accidentally or on purpose touches my hand a lot when I hand him things, touches my lower back sometimes, compliments me a ton, elevates me above our female co-worker, seems very protective of me, laughs at all my jokes (even the lame ones), seems to show off in front of me with physical/manly stuff/teasing his friends/etc. I asked him once if he was okay, because he looked like he had something to say. He grinned and responded, “I’ve always got something to say.” So my instincts tell me he’s into me. But it’s been months and nothing is progressing! I was alone with him in his office today with no one anywhere close to us. And he was completely professional, unfortunately…lol. I just want him to kiss me so badly…He’s considerably older than me. I’m kind of shy, but funny and nice when you engage with me. And we’ve warmed up to each other a lot since working closer. And I do a really good job. But does he see me for anything more than just an employee? I mean, he personally pushed for me to get a promotion after I’d only been there a couple of months. And just the other day, he talked to me privately about how I could easily move up in my position. He said that he and his boss had spoken about how well I’m doing and that I’ve really made an impression. Does he think of me sexually/romantically? Or does he just appreciate that I’m a good worker? Sometimes he seems so proper and professional. And other times, I swear, he looks like he’s really interested in me. He smiles at me in such a sexy way. And I just melt inside…Do you think he’s just being extra cautious and slow because of his age or his position? Does he think about me in that way at all? I need help!!! I literally have no one to talk to about this. What should I do to subtly get him to make a move! I want him to know he has a shot with me if he wants it. But anything I do has to be work appropriate and have enough plausible deniability that I won’t ruin my work reputation. I’m seriously second guessing myself right now. i just need some advice! Thank you in advance!January 29, 2019 at 3:15 am #822343
He’s a predatory arsehole who’s abusing his position and using his office as a personal hunting ground. The only way you should be taking this any further is to HR, and give your head a good shake at the same time for falling for it. Men like this have been playing this game since someone installed a desk in a hut and called it an office – as soon as he’s bored he’ll pick another naive victim and be all over her like a slug instead.January 29, 2019 at 3:30 am #822345
Also, what’s the crap with you being ok with him calling your female co-worker an “ugly female villain”? She’s your peer and should be your ally, not a high school-style object of derision. By going along with this talk and seeing slug-man as crush-worthy, you’re making yourself complicit in his cruelty.January 29, 2019 at 3:36 am #822346
Okay, well he didn’t literally say ‘ugly female villain’, obviously. But let’s be real, tell me you wouldn’t be flattered too if your crush compared you to a princess and your main competition to a troll. I mean, come on. And I get it. There is definitely a power dynamic. But he’s been a complete gentleman. He’s never made me feel uncomfortable. And honestly I don’t mind. I’m sure wouldn’t either if you were in a similar position with someone you were interested in. It always sounds creepy from the outside looking in on someone else’s situation.January 29, 2019 at 3:47 am #822349
How is you co-worker you “main competition”? Like in a romantic way? Competition for his attention? If so you seem to have some skewered ideas about relationships, including those with other women.
On your question, I would say leave it be and act professionally. Think about your reputation and your career instead of fantasizing about older bosses.
Also if it “sounds creepy from the outside looking in”, then it probably is.January 29, 2019 at 3:58 am #822350
Newsflash: a boss hitting on a subordinate whilst being offensive about other women is not “behaving like a gentleman”. He’s behaving like the skeevy predator that he is whilst you enable him. He’s not “your crush”, he’s your boss, and you’re not a “princess”, you’re a (supposedly) professional young woman. This is so inappropriate it’s making my skin crawl.January 29, 2019 at 4:58 am #822351
This seems fake to me. You are laying this on a bit thick, don’t you think?January 29, 2019 at 5:18 am #822353
Calling it now: LW is the boss in this situation not the assistant. Just let her do her job and stop bugging her.January 29, 2019 at 6:35 am #822355
1. Isn’t this a little detailed to be fake? I mean, why would I waste my time writing this massive post if it was fake. Just for kicks? Nah. Definitely not. If it was fake, surely I would’ve made it a little more climactic, lol.
2. You all are clearly a bunch of bitter old women. Not one of you had any decent advice. Not one of you missed an opportunity to be rude to me. And not one of you is being honest with yourself about the reality of attraction and what you would most likely do if it were you with your crush in this situation. I’m sorry you think it’s so cruel to be flattered that he elevated me above the other female we work with. But if you’re trying to say that you wouldn’t be pleased if the guy you liked did this with you, you’re lying. Point. Blank. Period. We both like the girl. It wasn’t said in a super mean way. He said it in a teasing, cutesy way. If you had any idea the joking relationship they have, you would understand. But honestly, aren’t you just the feminists of the year? Look how well you support women. Women in situations you read about online, while you’re bashing and belittling other women who just want advice. lol.
3. If I was the boss rather than his assistant typing this, literally why would I be asking how to do more to attract the boss? What good would it do me to get that kind of advice? That’s really stupid. Use your brain.January 29, 2019 at 6:37 am #822356
This fucking can’t be real. No one can be this oblivious in this age of #metoo can they?January 29, 2019 at 6:48 am #822359
I think the LW just wants us to tell her to go for it. Okay LW, go for it. Hope you learn some lessons along the way. Love, a bitter old woman.January 29, 2019 at 6:52 am #822360
This really isn’t that hard. If you’re determined to go for it, then you need to 1) in casual conversation make sure he knows you’re single and lonely, 2) when you’re talking to him, look into his eyes and then look away shyly like omg he caught me looking, 3) lick your lips, 4) drop something and bend over so he can see your butt, and bonus points if you lean over so he can see cleavage, 5) you’re fascinated by everything he says and oh btw you could use some advice on ____ and how about going out for a beer. Boom.