From a LW:
“I am forty–two years old and my boyfriend is sixty–two years and we have been in a relationship of the past eleven years and whenever I bring up marriage and commitment in our conversation he just gets freaked out and he just does not respond to me. I can ask him questions in all different ways and he just does not respond. For the past eleven years I have never been to his home. He will carry me by his sister and brothers home. When I ask about it he will say that his children live there and do not want any confrontation. I then ask him about his children mother and he says that she abandon them when the children were small and he and his brother’s wife and his mother took care of the children. The children are adults now and are gainfully employed.
My boyfriend will pick me up from home and drop me off to work or anywhere I want to go and also my son to and from school but he hides a lot from me and is very secretive about his life with his children mother. Recently the children’s mother started being around my work place and always meet my colleauges and talks about me and always refers to my boyfriend as her husband. My boyfriend was never married. The mother of his children does not reside in the area that we work nor where we live. She lives in a different district but she is always lurking around fishing for information about me. Now whenever I tell him about it he gets really angry and says that I am lying and people only making confusion. I just got a feeling that he never really ended any relationship with his children mother that is why he is always very secretive and does not say anything much when I talk to him about her.
I am frustrated and need to move on from this. Can you advise me please?”AnonymousseMarch 6, 2023 at 12:28 pm #1119001
Yikes. Eleven years you’ve stayed with someone who has never taken you to their home, I mean, lord. He’s married.
You need to be single for awhile and focus on yourself and your son. This is ridiculous.
Eleven years! Even if he weren’t married — and I, too, believe he is — that’s a really long time to be with someone where you want more commitment than you’re getting.
I’m not sure where you live, but marriage records are public in the US. How easy it is to get that information can vary a bit depending on where you live — sometimes you can easily look it up with a county court, other times I believe you’d have to pay a fee for the information. I can’t speak for others, but I’d certainly pay the fee in your situation.