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Dear Wendy

Is my boyfriend using me?

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This topic contains 33 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by Kate B. Kate B. 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #822423 Reply
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    Twiggy327
    Member

    I bought a house a year ago after my divorce. My boyfriend moved in with me and my 3 children shortly after. We had agreed that he would pay me the cost of the mortgage @ $900 per month and I would take care of everything else. Food, utilities, toiletries, etc. It worked out okay for a few months and then he started being late…and later…and now he hasn’t paid me anything since December. He paid me 3/4 of December’s “rent” and I havent gotten anything since. He pays child support for his kids that he is trying to gain custody of but is not paying a lawyer. He goes for the final trial next Monday to determine whether he will have primary custody of his 2 kids during the school year. My concern, is that I have a hard enough time maintaining my household on my single income with my own 3 children, I am terrified im going to drown once he brings his 2 kids into the mix whilst still owing me goign on 2+ months rent now. I’ve asked him repeatedly what the deal was and he always brings up that he does a lot for me. He coaches my son’s wrestling and takes care of my chickens and folds laundry, etc. Which i 100% do appreciate but does that mean I shouldn’t be upset that you can’t even afford to pay your own way and youre expecting me to take on your 2 children?? I don’t want to throw him out because he literally has no where to go and that would seal the deal on his custody. I know he pays a lot of money in child support every month and its limited but he’s not even offered like “Hey i know its not what we agreed and Im really sorry im late again but heres $200 or $300 for now just to help with the bills this month until I can get my finances in order.” nothing. Should I throw him out or should I not expect him to pay me???

    #822426 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    Posting this over and over will not change the advice you receive.

    #822427 Reply
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    Northern Star

    I mean, you can (and maybe should) throw him out, but you say you can barely support your household as it is. What are you going to do when his 900 a month isn’t even a possibility?

    #822428 Reply
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    Twiggy327
    Member

    I dont understand the posting it over and over again but I can manage all of the bills on my own, i just feel resentful that Im paying for him to live and eat and now possibly raise his children while he contributes nothing. $0 to live there. Im not his mama.

    #822430 Reply
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    Twiggy327
    Member

    p.s. JD would you feel comfortable living off of your girlfriend who has 3 kids to raise by herself?? I lived with my grandmother for a short time after i separated from my husband and paid her a monthly rent and bought my own food and paid for my own cable box while still saving money for a down payment on a house…..

    #822431 Reply
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    dogmom

    Then throw him out.

    #822433 Reply
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    ron

    So, your solution is simple: kick him out. You can’t force him to pay, but you don’t have to let him stay and you certainly don’t have to add two kids to the mix.

    #822435 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Kick him out. He’s not trying THAT hard for custody if he’s not paying his agreed upon rent- your mortgage! and relying on you to buy everything else.

    And yes, you have posted this multiple times. Unless there really are numerous deadbeats sponging off their girlfriends while making excuses and saying the fact that they coach one of the kiddos’ sports team should make up for that.

    He’s dead weight. He contributes nothing. I’m pretty sure your kids could feed the chickens and fold the laundry.

    #822436 Reply
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    ron

    By the way, you chose a really stupid way to divide expenses. Why should he or would you want him to pay mortgage on your house. It possibly clouds ownership of equity in the house. Far smarter for you to pay the mortgage and him to pay other expenses or just the same $ inclusive fee.

    #822439 Reply
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    Kate

    https://dearwendy.com/topic/am-i-right-or-is-he-right-boyfriend-argument-debate-over-money/

    This was the one with the idiotic cameo from the “boyfriend.”

    #822444 Reply
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    Twiggy327
    Member

    We figured out how much he should pay via the mortgage amount on the home…he doesnt physically write checks to the mortgage company…so no it wouldnt cloud ownership, the money comes out of my checking account every month. Based upon the cost of 1 bedroom apts in our area (he would need a 3 bedroom for his kids bc they are different genders though) and the cost of utilities it ended up being $300+ cheaper for him to live with me rather than getting an apt. The arrangement put us both in a financial situation where we were both able to have extra spending cash and also save money. Which, is working out great for him I guess but not so much for me.

    #822445 Reply
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    Twiggy327
    Member

    Hi everyone! nice to talk again! nothing has changed. still the same. I got a raise though so woo hoo for me I guess!

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