- This topic has 146 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Ruby Tuesday.
Northern StarNovember 13, 2018 at 5:11 pm #807881
“I don’t know the relative well enough to know if they would have told my GF that she needed to tell me ( if it is true ) first and my GF just didn’t.”
This is a real possibility, too. That jumbled thought process from the relative makes it seem more likely the info about your GF’s addiction is true, to be honest.
You seem to believe the relative.BittergaymarkNovember 13, 2018 at 5:21 pm #807882
If what they said is true. Then your GF put you in a crappy situation. Don’t blame the messenger because it is simply more convenient…
Your mind is going wild with suspicions and this is exactly why you should have shared this immediately.
Imagine how she’s going to feel that you didn’t trust her enough to tell her.
If this is just bs, this relative is messed up.
Anyone who uses someone else’s possible suicide to manipulate you into silence probably isn’t coming from a place of good intentions.PearlwhiteNovember 13, 2018 at 5:25 pm #807884
Hi Poppy-I did that!-problem is that my GF has health problems that have a range of symptoms and many of them could also be drug use or withdrawal symptoms. So-that did not help!ele4phantNovember 13, 2018 at 5:30 pm #807885
So – it sounds like in fact you do believe there is some credibility to this relative’s claims. Or that it’s at least in the realm of possibility.
You are long overdue for a discussion with your girlfriend here. I think to an extent, her reaction will be telling (although – at the same time I’m sure she’s going to be pissed and deny it – which really isn’t that telling because if someone was going around saying I was a heroin addict I’d be pissed and deny it too – because it is ludicrous).
You need to talk. And put a pause on any live moves until you feel confident.PearlwhiteNovember 13, 2018 at 5:38 pm #807886
I did ask my Gf if there was anything more she had not told me or I did not know and they said no. They explained more about a couple incidents I already knew about. There are issues in the past that I know of,they could be explained by use of drugs and addiction-financial issues for example.ronNovember 13, 2018 at 6:01 pm #807887
The bottom line here seems to be that, for whatever reason, you don’t trust your gf. You can’t buy a house together under those circumstances. You also didn’t trust your gf or her ability to have a reasonable discussion enough to tell her what the relative actually said. You have agreed with a relative, one she doesn’t get along with well, to keep secret and internalize/raise doubts about your gf and your relationship what would be a hugely nasty, scurrilous lie if it in fact isn’t true. You have no way of knowing who is being truthful, but it seems that you largely believe the relative. That says a ton about the state of your relationship and lack of trust in your gf.
It sounds like your gf is a trans-woman, which might be the actual cause of this relative’s animus.
It would have been vastly better and easier to tell your gf the whole conversation right after you got off the phone. Now it will be awkward and your gf will have reason to distrust you and to doubt your loyalty. And you’ve also sentenced yourself to days of helplessly stewing about it.
This really could be a relationship killer, which may be exactly what this relative intended.ronNovember 13, 2018 at 6:07 pm #807889
Or, with LW’s shifting pronouns, gf could also be gender-neutral, which has same impact on possible motive by relative, although I think relative likely to react more strongly to trans.PearlwhiteNovember 13, 2018 at 6:23 pm #807890
My GF is a born that way girl. I should have said what the relative said-the full story-but I was shocked and in disbelief. It felt like if I said it straight out,from this relative, it would too hurtful-I don’t know,I guess if true, and likely there is truth there, to lesser or more degree, than I am very upset that my GF never told me the whole truth. and I am still mad as hell at the “helpful” relative.PearlwhiteNovember 13, 2018 at 6:28 pm #807891
And Ron,I D0 trust my Gf-but this is a she said/he said situation and with all I know,I can see that either side could be telling the/their truth-I honestly don’t know!
Call the relative up and explain to them that you dislike the position they have put you in and now you would like proof of their claims other then their word and be honest with them that due to what they have said ypu will have to disclose who you are as you must now confront your girlfriend about what has been said. Also, what health issues resemble signs of addicts because if she has what appears to be addictive behaviors then she is on drugs or abusing alcohol, which ever it may be. What are her behaviors? Have you looked for signs such as needle marks, burnt spoons or missing spoons, signs of drinking outside her body language, square foil, constsbtly sniffing and touching nose, etc….. Someone finances is not an indicator of an addict and symptons of depression are not signs of an addict. Those can be factors to addiction but that’s not solid proof.PearlwhiteNovember 13, 2018 at 7:38 pm #807893
No,Poppy-there are no obvious things like that-and maybe it was all in the past,if it happened. I am talking about sweating,rashes,itching type stuff which may happen with blood sugar issues, acute infections,etc.which she has had.