- This topic has 7 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by LisforLeslie.
KiaraSeptember 25, 2022 at 5:47 am #1116164
Hi, I (18F) and Tom* (21M) have been in an LDR for 3 months now. We’ve known each other for a year. Things are great between us, he says if money was not an issue, he would come to meet me, marry me and stuff, we usually alternate chatting on a forum (private chat) and discord. He came online on the forum, opined on a question but did not text me back. He texted me back 6 hours later and went offline again. We usually come online at the same time and he did, but his replies were around 5-7 minutes late even when we were sexting and after sexting and exchanging a few cute words, he went offline. I was waiting for his reply, but he said he fell asleep because he could not get much sleep the day before and he texted me after an hour when I’d gone to bed. It was like he was waiting for me to go to bed or something. The next day, I replied to him in the evening (I’m not allowed to use my phone at work) and he came online at the time when he knew I’d be in bed asleep. Even when we sext, he only says he wants to fuck me and not make love to me. I know I sound crazy and insecure, but idk. He usually does not do this. We talk for an hour and then say goodnight after.
Should I be worried? Often, I see him opining questions about ex and he talks about his ex in those.. I sort of get jealous, but he still loves her a lot, at least, it seems like it.
When someone is saying they would marry you, and you’ve been dating a couple months and never met in person, that’s a red flag. At best it means the person is clueless, at worst they’re insincerely looking to get you to let your boundaries down.
Ok, and then, he’s 21. Does he have a job? When I was 21 and lived at home, I was able to use the money I earned in my jobs to go see my long-distance boyfriend. You’d think if he’s so interested in marrying you, he’d save up for a ticket to see you.
But most importantly, yeah, when someone’s behavior changes and they’re messaging you less, seeing you less, the relationship is moving backwards not forwards, it does mean it’s fizzling out and they’re losing interest. Around the 3 month mark is a common time for that to happen.
Overall it doesn’t sound like he was ever that serious. More like giving you a lot of words and getting virtual sex in return.FyodorSeptember 25, 2022 at 9:18 am #1116168
I don’t mean to sound harsh but if you have not met and dated someone in person you are not in a long distance relationship. For all you know this guy has a girlfriend where he lives and ten other women he’s jerking around online.
Do not invest your time and energy in these kinds of “relationships”. Find a nice local boy and date him.AnonymousseSeptember 25, 2022 at 9:23 am #1116170
Yes, because inevitably LDR only works if you have a solid relationship. Have you ever met? I’m guessing not.
Stop the LDR online only, sexting crap. It can turn nasty so fast and it rarely builds into anything resembling a relationship.
And yeah, if a guy is telling you immediately upon “meeting you” that he’d marry you if money weren’t a problem, you need to back away, not keep seeing him.LisforLeslieSeptember 26, 2022 at 7:03 am #1116176
You’ve “known” him for a year but you don’t actually know him. It’s really easy to be another person online or leave great swaths of your life hidden. He’s said all the right things because saying words are really easy. I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. See how easy that was?
This “relationship” is a distraction. He reaches out when he wants to play a little. It is possible he has other “relationships” and IRL relationships as well.
Yes to what everyone else is saying. You’re 18, your dating pool will pretty much never again be bigger than it is right now. Go out, meet new people, get real-life dating experience. It sounds like you’ve invested too much energy into this online-only, fantasy relationship.AnonymousseSeptember 26, 2022 at 2:10 pm #1116204
Leslie, you are *chef’s kiss.*
I mean that, though.LisforLeslieSeptember 27, 2022 at 6:19 am #1116207
Awww – right back atcha.