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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Is my relationship ever able to go back to how it once was ?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Is my relationship ever able to go back to how it once was ?

  • This topic has 8 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 months ago by FYI.
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  • #1090502 Reply
    Riley
    Guest

    I’ve know my girlfriend for a year. We finally started dating in February. It was my first relationship of my life. Everything was great but a month in everything hit.

    I got scared of being in a relationship since everything was new to me and I panicked and broke up with her in March.

    Now that night, all of our friends are were yelling at me (and rightfully so), so later on I went to my neighbors (college apartment neighbor) who is a girl to talk. I needed someone to talk to and she was the only one that would listen. I ended up staying the night because she ended up falling asleep during me talking and I was like wtf I guess I’ll go to sleep there instead of going home.

    Nothing happened, nothing. I understand how fucked that is going over there, there’s no excuse break up with my girlfriend and sleeping over another girls place (I shouldn’t of gone in the first place, and I definitely shouldn’t of stayed) In April, since me and my neighbor were friends, I stayed over a couple weeks later 2 times and we made out but nothing else (I slept over one time before me and my girlfriend were even talking but still I never had sex with this girl).

    I was still talking to my ex, as I wanted to remain friends with her after we broke up because I knew deep down I wanted her, I was just scared of a relationship since it was my first. There were times we had sex and she slept over, and I realize doing that with her and sleeping over my neighbors at the same time is completely messed up

    Towards the end of April I fully realized how I love my ex girlfriend and cut off my neighbor completely, and in the beginning of May, me and my ex were official again. Before we got together, I told her how I slept at my neighbors, and she was upset but said it’s in the past.

    Yesterday, we were talking about the past, and I brought up my neighbor and that exact situation how I regret sleeping over there and making out with her later on in April. My girlfriend ended up misunderstanding that situation that I told her before we got together, (as she thought this all happened before we were dating) and she said we’re done. I ended up driving a couple hours to see her and we talked it out, she said she needs to regain trust in me to keep this relationship. She’s 100% correct, I shouldn’t of went to a girl to talk when we broke up and I shouldn’t of stayed the night the first time.

    I shouldn’t of slept at my neighbors later on 2 times and making out with her (yes I was single but it still wasn’t right and I have to live with myself). My neighbor told me before she had a thing for me, but never acted like it. Sometimes towards the downfall of my relationship id think about her and if I was with her, would I be in a better relationship.

    I truly realized how much I love this girl in May and that’s why I got back with her because I want to be with her forever. I don’t know how I can live with myself knowing I hurt her by breaking up with her, and making out with another girl when we were broken up. Im giving her space rn, and I know forgiveness won’t happen overnight. Is there any way one day things go back to how they were ?

    #1090503 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    You’re both extremely inexperienced / immature, and I think you need to take a huge step back from deciding you love and want to be with someone forever, who you dated for one month and then casually hooked up with for a few more.

    Like, whoa. You’re violently swinging like a pendulum between not being ready for a relationship and wanting to settle down for life. Within 3 months.

    Your biggest mistake was bringing up the thing with the neighbor AGAIN after having disclosed the information and it being settled. Why ever mention it again??

    Your (ex) gf will probably get over this. Ask her what you can do to regain her trust. Reiterate to her that you wanted to be 100% open and honest with her and that is why you disclosed that you fell asleep at your neighbor’s place, and that you will continue to be 100% open and honest. Ask her what you can do to make her more comfortable.

    Honestly though, lose the idea that you’re about to mate for life. That’s just going to mess you up. Take it a day at a time.

    #1090505 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    Honestly? Making out with somebody else while you are broken up — and thus single is not exactly the great crime you seem determined to make it out to be.

    Date your ex. But go slow. NEWSFLASH: The odds of you two winding up living happily ever after forever are about the same as me marrying Madonna in the next 24 hours.

    #1090507 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    Also, anytime somebody is hung up
    on regaining trust? Run. What they really truly mean is that they will gleefully hold this over you… Forever.

    #1090508 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    Also, anytime somebody is hung up
    on regaining trust? Run. What they really truly mean is that they will gleefully hold this over you… Forever.

    #1090512 Reply
    FYI
    Guest

    Forgive what exactly? You didn’t do anything wrong. You made out with someone while you were single. So what? You talked to a neighbor. So what? That’s not a crime.

    Try to just enjoy dating without bringing a shitload of unnecessary drama into it. This stuff about “live with myself” and “regain trust” and “cut her off completely” and bringing up one lousy make-out session repeatedly — all that is drama. Unnecessary drama. Try to enjoy your life.

    #1090513 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, you didn’t do anything wrong. My advice on what to say was to get your gf on board if that’s what you want. Don’t act like you did anything wrong either, just like you’re being respectful.

    #1090523 Reply
    bloodymediocrity
    Participant

    My dude, you’re fine. Your biggest problem is you’re apologizing for things that aren’t wrong as if they were horrible breaches of trust.

    1) Talking to a female friend after breaking up
    2) Sleeping at a female friend’s house after breaking up
    3) Making out with someone while single
    4) Having sex with someone while single

    These are all perfectly ordinary things, yet you’re presenting them here and to your (currently ex) girlfriend like you’ve murdered someone. Just stop dude. It’s fine.

    And slow way down here. You’re not ready for anything for the rest of your life right now.

    #1090536 Reply
    FYI
    Guest

    bloodymediocrity — He didn’t even have sex with the neighbor! Just made out while single.

    LW, don’t apologize for being alive.

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