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Is there hope for my relationship?
Ive been with my bf for 3 years and we both wanted to marry each other. Hes the kindest soul ive ever met and really is the best. A few months ago, he asked to breakup, this was a shock for me and it was revealed that we had issues in our relationship (my insecurities etc) which build up through out the years and it was too much for him to bear. He tried ignoring it because he loves me but it was too much to handle. I promised him I would work on myself and be better if he gave me another chance and he agreed. For the past 2 months, I have been doing much better and my bf agrees that if we were always like this he wouldnt have wanted to break up. He also thinks the relationship is somewhat nicer than what it was before. However, he has very strong doubts about us working and for now doesnt see a future together. He thinks we may work out in the future but he seems unsure now. He also feels as if he loves and cares about me but the feelings may not be romantic anymore. He is willing to invest and work together and communicate more. We will also be going into long distance in 2 months as well. Having said that is there any hope for us working? He wants this to work but doesnt seem to have hope.Dear WendyKeymaster
It doesn’t sound like he’s into it anymore and that he’s sticking around only because he cares about you and doesn’t want to hurt you. And it also sounds like you are probably masking your feelings to seem less insecure or needy or whatever it is he had issues with (or what you think he had issues with) in order to make your relationship “work better.” You really can’t keep someone around by acting like you’re happier or more well-adjusted than you are. Eventually, all that pretending catches up with you.
You would probably benefit from some good old-fashioned growing up – focusing on yourself and what brings you meaning and purpose in life. Who are you outside this relationship? What are your interests and hobbies? What about friendships and other important relationships in your life? Investing in these things will give you a deeper sense of self, which will help alleviate insecurity and make you a more appealing partner going forward.
But, yeah, I don’t think this relationship is going to work right now. Maybe in the future after you’ve both had other experiences and a chance to grow and evolve….AnonymousseGuest
Everything Wendy said.LisforLeslieGuest
You’ve been on your best behavior, but have you actually changed? Have you fixed whatever it was that drove you to the behaviors in the first place?
He knows the real you – and he knows that this is likely temporary and that you are going to fall back on old patterns unless you do the hard work to deal with your insecurities at the root.HelenGuest
I think he’s stringing you along till you go long distance. Then he’ll fade out. Or break up from a distance so he does have to deal with the fallout. He’s telling you he doesn’t see a future and his feelings might not be romantic. Believe himronGuest
It doesn’t sound like your relationship is close to being sound enough to survive long distance.VeronicaDavis10Guest
It’s definitely possible for your relationship to work out, but it will require both of you to put in effort and work on the issues that led to the breakup. It’s great that you’re working on yourself and making improvements, but it’s also important to communicate openly and honestly with your boyfriend about his doubts and feelings. Long distance can also add extra challenges to a relationship, so it’s important to have a plan and make sure you’re both committed to making it work. Ultimately, it will take time and effort to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship, but it’s possible if you both are willing to put in the work.