Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Is this as bad as I feel like it is?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Is this as bad as I feel like it is?

This topic contains 30 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by avatar keyblade 1 week, 5 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 31 total)
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  • #815105 Reply

    I agree with the advice to adjust your expectations. Just shrug your shoulders and assume this is how they are and focus on what really matters—your own little family.

    #815111 Reply
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    keyblade
    Member

    “So … is it just pregnancy hormones, or is this really insulting?”

    It isn’t your hormones. When someone explicitly asks you what you would like to have at your shower, you tell them you have gestational diabetes, and they serve nothing but cake and booze, they aren’t acting as if they care how you feel, especially since the shower involved two three-hour drives for you.

    The good news is that you know it isn’t you; if MIL is Lucille Bluth, they probably take turns being awful to each other (they might be the only people who can take each others company).

    If you wasted a day, chalk it up to a good story you’ll be able to tell later when showers come up. Try to laugh and be thankful, if your husband came from them and turned out okay; you and your husband will probably do all right, too. Congratulations and good luck. You may want to mention your awful shower to some close friends; maybe they’ll feel bad for you and throw you a better one.

    #815113 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    It’s pretty bad. Yeah. I think I would be fucking done. Meaning, that I would never go out of my way to see them again. I’d always be polite. Civil. But that’s about it.

    #815114 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Meaning they see the baby when they come and meet you at a fucking park.

    #815116 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Yeah, you are not wrong but this is a situation where you have to simply shrug your shoulders and say “That’s My In-Laws” (cue, funny sit com music). The are who they are.

    They suck. What you can do is minimize your expectations and minimize your contact to only those times where it’s convenient for you.

    And next time they invite you for any reason you know to pack a lunch.

    #815126 Reply
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    JD

    good grief. That is truly ridiculous. Even if they didn’t do gifts, which is the point of a shower, which they chose to throw, the choke have freaking fed you.

    #815127 Reply
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    JD

    Could.

    #815148 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    It sucks, but also, you know they aren’t pleasant people. I think it’s definitely time to lower your expectations. If you don’t like them and know that they aren’t going to treat you well, then you can make a choice whether you want to expect them to be nice or not. In the future, if you think they are going to make an event unpleasant, then don’t agree to it. You can’t change their behavior, but you also don’t have to willingly give them opportunities to treat you badly.

    #815157 Reply
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    ron

    If by “Is this as bad as I feel like it is?” you mean does it call for a big fight and pushing your husband to tell his relatives how badly they treated you with demands for apologies all around, then no, it isn’t that bad. If you mean should you step away from your husband’s birth family, then yes, it is that bad.

    #815168 Reply
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    Northern Star

    It is very insulting, and you are right to feel like they don’t give a shit about you. You could have spent that gas money on baby stuff, since the tightwad cheapskates didn’t actually shower you at all. But you don’t have to push back. Simply decline future invitations. They can come to you. If they choose not to, so much the better.

    (I mean, if your husband insists on going, you will have to compromise and make a yearly appearance. But, man, I would NOT bother if I was him. And it would not be wrong to state your non-attendance preferences, either.)

    #815274 Reply
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    Miss MJ

    Whoa. That’s quite a shitshow. Probably not ill intended, but still a shitshow. English needs a word for that “WTAF just happened?!?” feeling. I’d just vent, maybe lament what might gave been, then try to laugh. It’s not worth being angry over, though. And, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt. They tried. But definitely don’t put forth all the effort for anything else they want you to drive 6 hours to do. (Oh, and if a friend offers to throw you a baby shower, feel free to say yes!)

    #815277 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    See, I disagree. It all seems VERY deliberate to me…

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