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Dear Wendy

Is this man interested in me?

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This topic contains 27 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar Ale 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #749353 Reply
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    Cinda

    We met online, have went on 3 dates and all have been great. We both get on well and are very similar. He is quite a reserved person like me but it’s like he is really holding back or trying to be on his “best behaviour”. One minute he’s all joking and talkative the next he goes quiet. He hasn’t even touched me or tried to kiss me, we have only hugged to say goodbye. He does initiate texting “how are you” kind of texts. But he did mention a joke the other week that was a bit cheeky but I liked it and he mentioned it on our date that he thought he had screwed things up, I thought that was odd as it really was a tame joke. He also came with stubble and normally he is clean shaven, he asked if I liked the stubble (which I do) and he thought he looked scruffy. When I text back to a message he sends he takes about a day to reply back even though he has seen it, this is consistent. I don’t want to ask him out right “do you like me?” because I don’t want to scare him away or pressure him. But I do want to know if it’s going somewhere and I want to kiss him. What do I do? Is he just sending me mixed signals? Or am I just being naive? Does it sound like he likes me but is being so cautious? Please help, thanks!

    #749355 Reply
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    JD

    So kiss him.

    #749356 Reply
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    brise

    He is certainly interested but shy, passive. He asks for your validation, obviously. Yes, you can do the first move and kiss him, but be aware that it will settle a dynamics where you have to do the job yourself, you take the risks, and so on. So you could also lose a bit interest and see how he reacts, if it gives him momentum.

    #749357 Reply
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    brise

    PS. or, you can return the question and ask if he likes you. This could have him make a move. Anyway, it is still early days, right? Perhaps he just needs to know you a little bit longer. Wait some more dates, but stop validating him or ask for the same. And if the situation is still the same, take some distance.

    #749358 Reply
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    brise

    PS n°2 (I am still sleepy, it seems): ask him if he likes you in that dress (not in general, if he wants you to be his girlfriend, this is way too early), or if he likes that perfume of yours, and so on. This should trigger a greater closeness in his behaviour. If not: take your distance.

    #749360 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, I think he likes you, but you don’t know yet if he’s a time-waster who wants validation and companionship but not anything physical. Or just shy. Wait a bit longer, but I’d say something is off if you two aren’t kissing after just a few more dates. If it’s not heading that way, bail.

    #749366 Reply
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    JD

    Look. No one is going on dates with someone they don’t like. No one is really doing social things at all with people they don’t like. That’s called work and we go home at 6. Grab his hand. Touch his arm. Make a move. Don’t get into your head. Either he reciprocated or not. If not, are you into a man you have to always take charge? I couldn’t handle it but some are ok with it. Kinda sounds like you aren’t aren’t though.

    #749373 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    @JD – disagree! We’ve heard of people (men and women) who want free dinners – like that person whose boyfriend never took her out to dinner but might (MIGHT!) pay half of some of their dates. We also have heard about men who haven’t accepted their sexuality who aren’t terribly physical with their girlfriends and wives because you know -they prefer the peen.

    So…OP… have a drink, screw up your courage and tell him that you enjoy his company and would like to see where this could go. Ask him if he’s interested in that too. Maybe he’s inexperienced, maybe he’s afraid to be shot down, maybe he’s afraid to get slapped. Who knows! Talk to him! It’s good to know a person before they stick their tongue in your mouth. I mean, it’s fine to kiss people you barely know too. No judgement.

    #749378 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    In addition to what L said, guys do date women they’re not particularly into, for a variety of reasons… she’s really nice, it’s good to have company / not be alone / be able to say you’re dating someone, regular sex, you don’t have any better options right now, etc.

    I know guys who have shittily dated someone for years that they don’t see a future with.

    #749386 Reply

    I know guys who have shittily dated someone for years that they don’t see a future with.

    If after a little while, the relationship isn’t going in the direction that’s right & comfortable to you, speak up or leave. Don’t sit around waiting for him to tell you what the future is going to look like for y’all.

    Ugh, I hate when women do that. I’ve seen waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy too many women, date dude for 10 years without any kind of substantial commitment. Then wonder why he marries the next chick that he meets after they break up.

    #749387 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yes, women often make it easy for guys to do that.

    #749388 Reply
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    Fyodor

    They’ve been on three dates. I don’t think that this is comparable.

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