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“Issue With Boyfriend Having a Non-Bio Child”

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  • This topic has 19 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 months ago by avatarFYI.
Viewing 8 posts - 13 through 20 (of 20 total)
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  • #864947 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    And call me crazy and paranoid, but if he lied about being in the marines, maybe he lied about this kid not being his biological child.

    #864988 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Wow. I have no idea why people are saying the guy could be lying, or that he isn’t really parenting his son.

    The LW is clearly jealous and isn’t going to include information about how close dad and son are, because she doesn’t want them to be close.

    This —
    “I just feel that the time he spends talking to her, is time taken away from us.”
    — could be applied to anything. His job takes away from your time together, as do his hobbies, his friends, his family, etc. Is he supposed to focus solely on you 24/7/365? He was with this child from age 4, and you think he should just abandon the kid!? Because you’re insecure!? Come ON. Grow up. It’s really, seriously so wrong what you’re doing. Foster their relationship! Encourage it! It’s fantastic for everyone! There isn’t anything for you to fear; you can’t force people to love you by controlling them.

    #865004 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ
    Guest

    Yeah, I don’t get the idea that this guy is lying about his past. It’s not odd to me that if he lived with his ex and she moved, she ended up with some of his old stuff that he left for the kid. And, the LW is so plainly jealous of the kid and blaming the ex for it that it’s just painful to read.

    #865059 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    You guys are right, it’s normal and not suspicious for a guy to say he was a diver in the Marines, but to have no Marines stuff in his home like dog tags or pics with buddies or old tees and sweatshirts or travel memorabilia, but that stuff does exist, it’s just his ex has it and would never send it back, let’s talk about how crazy and paranoid you are.

    My friend dated a guy who told her he was a Green Beret or Ranger or something. And i think also that he played pro baseball. And was divorced, but he just had to be at his ex’s house a lot because his daughter wasn’t adjusting well and needed him. Of course he was still married and lived at home and was never in that branch of the military. I think he was briefly Air Force. And the baseball thing was made up too. I went on a date with a guy who said he played pro football in Canada but wasn’t on any team rosters.

    Of course it’s possible (and likely) he’s telling the truth. It’s also possible he’s full of shit.

    #865120 Reply
    SkyblossomSkyblossom
    Participant

    Most noncustodial parents try to talk to their kids daily. They try to text. They try to keep in touch. Many of them try to talk to the kid just before bedtime so that they can hear about the kid’s day and so that they can say goodnight. I think that if the boyfriend was doing any of that she would complain about the time it was taking because it would be time taken away from their relationship. She mentions nothing about any time spent on the boy, only on the ex. Christmas is coming so I would assume that a dad would be buying at least one gift which would take some time and some money and yet there is no complaint about that either. Unless she skipped all of that to focus only on the ex, which is her real issue, I don’t see him parenting. Parenting includes talking to the other parent over issues and finances and arranging visits and just to know how the kid is doing day to day. It also includes time spent directly on the kid. I don’t see any of that direct to the kid stuff happening. Maybe she didn’t mention it but I think it would be in there with the complaints about spending so much time on the phone with the ex.

    Her example of the ex contacting her boyfriend because of a homework issue has him talking to the ex but doesn’t continue with him then talking to the boy. In a similar situation my cousin called her ex and talked to him and then he called their daughter and talked to her. That’s what the noncustodial parent does. They try to be connected to their child, not just by talking to the ex but by talking directly to the child.

    I’d like to hear from the LW. Is he spending time on the boy or not. I think that would say a great deal about what is happening.

    #865175 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    The child is 11, though. He might not have a phone. A lot of contact would be through the ex.

    #865178 Reply
    avatarktfran
    Participant

    Not to mention, the LW supposedly doesn’t have a problem with the 11 year old, so why mention how much the boyfriend talks to him? She specifically has a problem with the ex, thus based her complaints on that.

    #865183 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    omg, it doesn’t matter if she has an issue with the ex, with the kid, or whomever. You can’t force people to love you. The ex is not some wizard who is going to brainwash him back into their lives. And LW cannot make him focus on her and only her. He is with LW of his own volition, yet she’s pissing all over three lives because of her insecurity. The minute you start dating someone with a kid, you have to be ready to encourage / foster / support every bit of love and affection between that parent and kid. That’s the humane, dignified, loving thing to do. And I don’t care if he was in the Marines or not; you don’t come between a parent and child.

    Not in a million years would I try to dissuade a guy from talking to his ex about their kid’s schoolwork. Jesus.

    (And, no, it makes zero difference that the kid is not biologically his. He’s been in the kid’s life since he was FIVE.)

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