He fully understands the concept of what’s in an hourglass. He doesn’t want to marry you. Perhaps he doesn’t want children and is running out that clock. Whatever, after 2 years of serious discussion and aborted ring shopping, it seems clear he’ll never marry you. If that’s important to you, MOA. You are being strung along and he has been at least semi-cheating on you.

I’m so sorry, but he does not want to be married with you. That’s the truth if it. Why you big can’t speak honestly together is a mystery. Why you stay despite his hesitancy and your own bitterness towards him is another mystery. It seems like his has run its course, maybe two years ago?

Is your name on the house? Did you pay 50/50? What about the dog? I was in a similar situation except we only made it four years before I figured out we were not meant to be. Splitting the house, dogs and cats were difficult but it didn’t kill me. I’ve done many, many harder things. And then after that, I met the BEST guy. We got married and have been together 13 years.

Leave him. He’s never going to propose. If he does as you’re leaving, it’s a Hail Mary pass and should be ignored.

You shouldn’t ever spend years trying to convince someone to commit to you. I’m so sorry. Be free and get into your bad bitch era.

Also meant to add: Stop comparing yourself to younger people you see “having their happily ever after.” If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that there are plenty of people in lousy relationships that look “perfect” from the outside. One of my friends who is now divorced was married for four years. From a distance, things looked great. She had a handsome, educated, high-earning husband; they moved abroad together; they went on lavish vacations together. They were miserable — they fought constantly! they separated multiple times in four years! — but only the few of us she was confiding in knew how bad it was. Heck, I’m sure there are probably people who look at your long-term, live-in relationship and think you’re living your happily ever after.

I don’t think everyone else is living their happier ever after, but- YOU know for sure that you are not. You’re not going to get there, not with him.

Reread your letter. You’re not happy, you’re not in a happy relationship, but you want the lifetime commitment, why?

It’s not a box to be checked. If you really want love, really love- you need to move on ASAP and stop sinking more time in with someone who doesn’t seem to make you happy.

LW – I have been where you are. It was seven years, and we did, finally, get engaged. But then planning the wedding was hard — too hard. And, I knew that having kids would have been hard because every decision was a battle. The reality was that while there was much love there, something was wrong and deep down we both knew it. I was living his life, waiting for him to make any and all decisions and just hoping he would be excited about something in OUR life. I was in my early 30s at the time too. Four months before the wedding I called it off. He wouldn’t agree to send the Save the Dates — which were already late! It was one of the hardest, most rewarding things I have ever done. It will be incredibly painful, but you will rebuild.

It has been four and half years since then. I spent the first two years dating and focused on my career — it was SO MUCH FUN. Then I met the love of my life and within 6 months we moved in, a year engaged and then a year after that, we were married. I NEVER had to wait for him, I was always a “hell yes” to him, not a maybe AND I love him in a way that is unexplainable. Yes, there will be hard times, but the right person works with you, not against you. It will be hard, but on the other side is something so much better for you.