It’s just a cake?

[Kate]

How are his feelings about red velvet cake relevant if it’s a treat she’d like to have once a year on her birthday? Who thinks to themselves, my partner loves X type of cake, but I’m going to get what *I* like instead?

But yes, she should ask him what’s up.

[ktfran]

Good luck getting home @Wendy.

If this guy finds red velvet that repulsive… even if it’s for his SO, whom he supposedly loves, on her birthday… then he could buy her a red velvet cupcake. Instead, he’s like, screw that. I’ll get her whatever I want to eat.

I’m truly baffled.

[Bittergaymark]

People do silly, selfish things all the time because of their irrelevant feelings. Is he a health nut who hates artificial colors and flavors? Because good luck finding a red velvet cake not chock full of sketchy red dye… I’m being cheeky here. But it’s bizarre to me that she simply doesn’t ask the question. Really bizarre. Just ask the question!

Sure — His answer may reveal that he’s an asshole. But honestly? Until she asks she has no real idea what’s going on here. And neither do we.

[anonymousse]

It’s even more bizarre that he won’t simply buy the birthday cake she asks every year for.

[Bittergaymark]

Eh, it’s actually just as bizarre to me she doesn’t just ask him — What’s up? What is this all about? But then I definitely have no problem ever speaking my mind.

LW — what other issues do you have in your relationship? Is this but one example of many similar problems? Or is this cake issue so curious to you as it is instead a lone source of irritation?

[anonymousse]

I was responding to you saying it’s so bizarre she just won’t ask him why. You don’t know that she hasn’t asked him. We do know she has asked him for the cake, though. She wrote that.

There are a lot of reasons people have for not even knowing how to ask for what they want or speak up. A lot of people have experiences different than yours, Mark. And react differently than you would. That’s why it’d be nice if you’d stop insulting women writing in. Women in abusive relationships, for example, often have no idea if what they think is reasonable is or not because of the emotional abuse and gaslighting they often are used to.

Most selfish assholes don’t write into advice sites trying to see if they are “too much.”

Did you take the vomiting emoji out of your first comments?

[Bittergaymark]

1) Nowhere in this thread have I in any way insulted the LW.

2) She herself implies she hasn’t asked when she states she doesn’t quite know how to bring it up without “like an arsehole.” Her words. Not mine. So yeah — I took that that as meaning she has not yet brought this up to him.

3) LW: if you have asked. Please clarify this by updating us with his response. I think in that we will all have your answer.

[Kate]

Mark’s first comments (which were rude and mean and offered no advice) got deleted when Wendy had to revert to an earlier version of the site. So Mark took that opportunity to come back and AGAIN express his opinion about red velvet cake and how nasty he thinks it is.

[Kate]

Oh yeah, now some of the comments are back but the emojis got replaced by question marks or something.

[Bittergaymark]

Oh please. Kate.

Those comments were not rude or insulting. Feel free to repost them. They were all about me not like red velvet cake. Which I don’t — and me suggesting maybe that’s why he doesn’t buy her a red velvet cake.

And there was a post saying that I’ve never much cared what cake people bought me for my birthday. Which I don’t.

Look. If you two don’t like me. Fine. But stop putting words in my mouth.

[Kate]

You used the word “vomitlicious” and a vomit emoji to describe the LW’s taste in cake. Not at all rude or insulting.

I don’t know you, so it’s not you personally I dislike, it’s the majority of your comments I don’t like.

[Bittergaymark]

Oh good, lord, Kate. That was an insult to the cake. Good grief.

[Author]

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