- July 16, 2019 at 12:22 pm #848226Dear WendyKeymaster
From a LW:
“Hi I’m a university student in my final year and everything’s going great except for one thing; I’ve fallen in love with my best friend. From the moment I met her we really hit it off as friends, we’re always together, always talk about anything and everything, confide in each other a lot and she’s there every time I need her and vice versa. We are a part of a larger group of friends however we are in every class so we’re together all the time. As far as I’m concerned the feelings are only from my part and these feelings are quite intense, she’s always on my mind. I face a lot of issues with family etc. but when I’m with her I forget about everything I genuinely feel happy without having to force it. What further complicates things is that she has a friend from back home who she really likes and I know this because she tells me about him, whenever her feelings take over we sit and talk about it, she’ll tell me how she feels so stupid and how she hates herself mostly because the person she likes is comfortably involved with someone else. When we talk I’ll just reassure her and make her feel better in general. I’ve felt like telling her but I feel like it would ruin our friendship and just be too awkward for both of us. My final year of university I just want to spend as much time with her as possible before I lose her. Part of me feels like I should tell her and the other part of me says she never has to know.
Please help me though this.”July 16, 2019 at 1:07 pm #848229anonymousseMember
It doesn’t sound like you think she feels the same way, so I don’t think you should tell her. If you can’t manage your crush, take some space and spend less time with her. Just be a little more busy than usual. It sort of sounds like you’re a bit dependent upon her, in which case taking some time and space and maybe spending more of your time with others or getting more involved with school work or activities might be a good idea. Make an appointment with a counselor at your school. You might as well take advantage of those services if you have them. If she asks, tell her you’re going through some personal stuff.July 16, 2019 at 1:38 pm #848233BittergaymarkGuest
I say, go for it! Tell her!July 16, 2019 at 2:09 pm #848237ConfusedBrideGuest
tell her!July 16, 2019 at 2:32 pm #848242VathenaGuest
I think you should say something – you are worried about it being weird and awkward and ruining the friendship, but it’s already weird and awkward for you! And it’s not a true friendship dynamic if you have these feelings. Telling her doesn’t have to be a great declaration of your undying eternal love. Just tell her that lately you’ve kind of felt like you like her as something more than just a friend. Maybe she says no thanks, but then at least you know where you stand and it’ll be easier to move on.
Storytime: I once had a HUGE crush on a friend for, like, a year and a half. I was totally smitten with her (I’m a straight woman but apparently not 100% straight! She’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted to make out with. She had dated both men and women.) So I couldn’t deal anymore and just told her. She told me she didn’t feel the same way, but we had a great talk. We’re close friends to this day, 17 years later, when we’re both married to men and have young kids. So it doesn’t have to be friendship-ending.July 16, 2019 at 3:50 pm #848244LoganGuest
I would tell her, you’re beating yourself up now, Imagine what will happen when you part ways and never get to tell her in person.
Let’s say you tell her after you parted ways and she said she would have liked you in the same sense if you had asked her out and she was scared to confess her feelings for you while you were both still in school, wouldn’t that be a shitty feeling, ouch.
Either you fess up your feelings now ? Or get A hold of your feelings and takem to the grave.July 16, 2019 at 7:42 pm #848262HazelGuest
tell her, it’s the honest thing to do, maybe she feels the same -yay- or maybe she doesn’t -you’ve still got a friend, so also yay- what not to do is to pretend to be a platonic friend for years and years until one day it all blows up in your face.Friends are precious and deserve the truth, also you might get everything you want .July 16, 2019 at 10:03 pm #848267FYIGuest
Tell her.July 18, 2019 at 4:32 am #848320brookeGuest
tell her! if she’s a true best friend than even if she doesn’t feel the same it won’t be weird afterwards because she will know that your friendship means more than losing it over a confession. if she gets weird about it and doesn’t act like your best friend anymore, than that shows you that it wasn’t meant to be and somebody better is out there for you. good luck 🙂July 18, 2019 at 7:27 am #848323anonymousseMember
Imagine your best friend and confidante suddenly revealing they have a surprise sexual interest in you. It’s happened to me, and it did make things weird and it did change the friendship.