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Dear Wendy

Job Relocation Fears

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  • This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 3 months ago by Anonymousse.
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  • #1117195 Reply

    I just received an offer from a company to work for them under a development program when I graduate. It was a rigorous process and I am really happy and excited that I was selected for a group of 10 people out of hundreds of applicants. One of the aspect of the jobs is that I would relocate to different facilities across the country. At first, I was excited and was thrilled to get to possibly explore the country right out of college. However, as time has gone on, I am starting to have second thoughts about leaving my family and friends. I am an introverted person and throughout my life, i thought that it would’ve been easy to move. However, now that I’m here, I am scared to lose my closest friends, particularly one person who I believe I have really deep feelings for. I want this job and I know it would be phenomenal for my career, but the idea of losing my friends and family is making the decision grayer than it originally was at. Any advice on handling this fear?

    #1117198 Reply
    Miss MJ

    I would take the opportunity. You can visit friends and family and technology makes it so easy to keep in touch. And, also, you’ll have an excellent opportunity to make new friends in new places. And, if there’s something there with the person you might have deep feelings with, you can see if that develops long distance, as well.

    But, don’t wait around and hold yourself back for it. I believe you’ll regret it if you give up this opportunity out of fear of the unknown or, even worse, for a not-yet-there relationship that doesn’t pan out (or maybe even if it does! – resentment is toxic to a relationship.)

    You worked hard for this opportunity. Go take it!

    #1117202 Reply

    Exciting opportunities rarely come along – take it! Otherwise, you will always be wondering what if. Plus, major moves and opportunity risks are much easier to make when you are young and single.

    I too am introverted and have made a few major moves for work opportunities, and I never regretted one. Besides work, you will have the opportunity to have new life experiences and make new friends.

    I moved away from where I grew up decades ago, but that doesn’t mean friendships have to end. Just before seeing your post I got off the telephone talking to a childhood friend. Last night I exchanged texts with someone from a different country. This morning, I exchanged emails with someone from yet a different location.

    #1117207 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa

    Take the job! Life only grants us a few opportunities to see who we are when taken out of comfort zone… and, really, that’s only if we’re lucky. Home will always be there for you, but great opportunities don’t come along all the time.

    Your close relationships will change, yes, but you won’t lose anyone. I moved around a lot growing up, and a bit after college/grad school, and my best friends are still in my life. We just have more distance between us now. But when we reunite, it’s like we’ve never been apart.

    You’ll make new friends, too. Will you be in some kind of cohort with the other folks you mentioned? If so, I bet you’ll all become fast friends. One of my college besties moved across the country right out of school and was in a financial rotation program at a big company. She quickly made friends with the other people in her program.

    I moved to a new city by myself in my late 20s. It was something I really wanted to do but it took me a few years to get a job offer (I’d have killed for an opportunity like yours right out of school!). It was a little scary and sometimes lonely, but making the leap and taking the fresh start life was offering me was, to date, one of the best things I’ve ever done. I’m still good friends with friends from all stages of my life and when we’re together again it’s like we never missed a beat.

    #1117208 Reply

    I agree that you need to take this opportunity. As an introvert who feels very tied to locality because of tightness to family and friends, it is important that you stretch your comfort level and build a broader sense of what you are capable of achieving. You are young; this is the time to expand horizons, make some new friends, and gain self-confidence. Your family will still be there, so will true friends. It really comes down to cementing yourself within a comfortable little shell or expanding your horizons and developing and learning about your personal and technical skills. It will be excellent preparation for the rest of your life and look great on your resume.

    #1117229 Reply
    Avatar photoDear Wendy

    Moving away from friends and family does not have to mean losing them! I’ve lived far from my family for over 25 years and we’re still close. You just have to prioritize keeping in touch in whatever ways work for you – visits, phone calls, FaceTime, text threads are great! And 15 years ago I moved away from Chicago and my closest friends and came to NYC not for a job opportunity but for a relationship. That relationship is now a 13+ year marriage and we have two kids and a really happy family. And those friends I had to move away from? I talk to them all the time, visit with them a few times a year, and still consider them my closest friends. It is possible to chase dreams and opportunities without losing the connections and loved ones in your life. It’s also possible to move back home if you decide that the opportunity you chased doesn’t work for you. I say congrats on being chosen in such a selective process and go for it!

    #1117240 Reply

    Absolutely take the job.You will still keep your true friends, and do not worry about being an introvert, there is always a place for introverts wherever you go. I’m ancient now but if there was one piece of advice I’d give my younger self it is that there are introverts everywhere, there is nowhere we can’t be, our path may just be a bit different. Good luck .

    #1117243 Reply

    Do it. Take this unanimous response as a sign. I’m an introvert, too. I have moved a lot and it’s always been hard, but I can still make friends easily. I just need more time to recharge. That doesn’t mean I don’t like socializing, just that it drains me if it’s not the select few. There are many introverts out there looking for other friends too, especially at your young age. You’ll be the exotic person from…wherever you’re from, across the country where they are not.

    Have fun, join groups and clubs and be careful and stay safe but meet people and say yes to things. Stay in touch with people and friends at home. I’m an old but we send eachother memes and vent all day and it’s sometimes great to just have people far away, always in your corner. You’ll be okay. I was desperately lonely sometimes, but moving to a new place is fun to explore and build your resilience and capabilities and confidence even if you do it alone a lot. You be able to find roommates of similar age (and habits if you want to be sane) and you’ll be alright even sooner. If you really hate it, you can always move home. I’d give yourself a year. Assume the first six months will be lonely, but make yourself take risks and step out of your comfort zone and explore the new city/place, meet people, try new hobbies. Even just saying hello to the cashiers and baristas or everyone you interact with is low stakes, and it helps you get better at socializing and feeling comfortable. Seriously, people get out of practice and think they’re all awkward- I truly believe we all are -even the carefully groomed ones. And text your friends from home and that person you like. Good luck!

    #1117244 Reply

    Although I will say if you are truly an introvert, maybe you should move in with an extrovert to make friends faster.

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