Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Just moved to NYC

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  • #849445 Reply


    My husband has been transferred to NYC from Spain for work, and I’ve come with him on a spousal visa. We arrived yesterday. I will be allowed to work in about 3 months (once USCIS process the paperwork) but in the meantime I can’t work.

    I’m finding us an apartment and sorting the logistics of furnishing that etc, but otherwise, do you have any advice for a woman in her late twenties (no kids) to settle in, both in terms of meeting people and keeping myself busy?

    I’m a bit lost, having worked and not relied financially on anyone for years, and having had my own friends when I was lonely or whatever. Now I’m my husband’s “dependent”, financially, socially, etc and I don’t love it… (Obviously, it’s better than the alternative of long distance.)

    Any thoughts on NYC culture /tips about life here generally would also be very welcome!

    #849473 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy

    I was in your boat 12 years ago when I moved to NYC to close the gap in the long distance relationship with my then-boyfriend/ now-husband. I was able to work, but couldn’t find a job because it was the height of the recession and there weren’t many jobs available in general, and even fewer available in the writing/blogging/media world that I hoped to break into. I actually took about 10 months before I found a decent job and until then I was temping, freelance writing, and working one or two days a week at a coffee shop. It was hard to make friends and I was very dependent on now-husband for financial and emotional support as well as companionship. It felt pretty lonely. And I think what made it worse was the pressure I was putting on myself to hurry up and feel settled – to find a good job and build a social network for myself. I thought if that didn’t happen within a few months, I was a loser. Well, it didn’t happen within a few months and so… I felt like a loser! Rather than take advantage of all the solo time I had to go explore the new and amazing and vibrant city, I wasted energy feeling down on myself.

    Don’t be like me. Don’t put pressure on yourself to hurry and feel settled. Don’t worry about making friends right away; spend time exploring. Maybe take a class or two that interests you. Join a gym or yoga or fitness studio. Become a regular and you’ll begin to meet people (and get fit!). Become a regular at your neighborhood coffee shop. Join a neighborhood Facebook group (I especially like the Buy Nothing groups as they’re a great way to build community AND get things you need, get rid of things you don’t need while avoiding consumerism/capiltalism.

    Have fun and welcome to NYC!

    #849483 Reply

    Take this time as a break, while you have the opportunity to! Explore your new city. It’s only a finite amount of time until you could look for work, so why not try to enjoy this little sabbatical as you acclimate?

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