Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Keep in contact or move on?

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  • #860848 Reply
    avatarAlex
    Guest

    I have a child from a past relationship and she grew a relationship with my now ex and his family (not biological family) and even though my ex asks to still see child, previously he never has it was nearly half a year without any contact on our last break which I have stated was very unfair as it’s confusing for a child to go through also and I made a point of when we tried again that couldn’t happen but it feels and looks like it already is but is saying different to his family that he wants contact but the effort isn’t their and I can’t force that or be mad as it isn’t his biological child but still why say those things and not just be truthful? I don’t know.

    His family live extremely close and I don’t have an issue with them (there has been previously) but they say the same thing as we don’t really meet up etc so it’s saying and not doing as I’ve done the arranging and plans etc for them all to have contact and I’ve gone to realise if I don’t then there isn’t any really maybe just a hello sometimes if we are passing.
    I just don’t know wether this is just going to make things in the future uncomfortable as if one of us moves on and I wouldn’t force child to not talk to them or stop seeing them but I think is it the right decision as child isn’t interested and doesn’t ask to see them or him.

    I don’t want to just be extreme and ignore them but I feel like in a way this is stopping us moving on I even thought about moving a bit out of the area just so we can have a fresh start. I do care about them and all the children in the family I love them all dearly but I just don’t know if its just dragging the hurt for me and child.

    #860867 Reply
    avatarMaltaKano
    Guest

    You’re right that your kid needs consistency and to not be confused by these adults coming in and out of her life. When she’s little older, sure, you can attend a barbecue if they invite you. But stop putting in effort to make it happen. They obviously don’t care that much. Good luck!

    #860906 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    Since your ex and his family have refused (by their actions if not their words) in your child’s life and since ex is not the bio-dad, I’d step back and not encourage contact.

    #860941 Reply
    avatarAlex
    Guest

    Thank you for your replies the whole situation makes me nervous if I’m truthful as they are a very confrontational family and I know I would be made to feel even more uncomfortable but I’m fed up of the back And fourth and making all the effort. I’m just not sure how I go about the situation I do feel it will dwindle out anyway so I don’t know if I be quiet about it and let it run it’s cause or I say how i feel.

    #860945 Reply

    Just stop making plans. Don’t reply to them or answer their calls. People always say things like “We should get together soon!” Or “we’ll have to do this..!” “You should come by more often,” Those people are different from the people who actually set a date and follow through. If he’s your ex, you owe him and his family nothing, even if they were super sweet and involved.

    You have to do what’s best for you and your child. Don’t worry about what they want. My answer might be different if your child was invested, but it doesn’t seem like that’s the case at all.

    #860955 Reply
    SkyblossomSkyblossom
    Participant

    If you child doesn’t want to be in touch with them then I see no point in trying to foster a relationship. She doesn’t seem to want it and neither do they or they would go to the effort of inviting her to come over. Quit making plans and they will probably disappear.

    #860967 Reply
    avatarAlex
    Guest

    Thank you guys for the advice it’s been extremely helpful. I’m just going to pull myself and my daughter back and just focus on a better future!

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