Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Kicked out

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  • This topic has 5 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 1 month ago by avatarele4phant.
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  • #962751 Reply
    avatarAnastasia Zetineb

    I got in a really bad fight with my parents over politics. I told them to stop screaming at me and to talk to me like a normal human being and they called me disrespectful for that, saying that it was their and that they could speak however the fuck they wanted. I run upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom because I don’t want them to see me crying and I hear my dad screaming downstairs how I’m an ungrateful bitch, and telling my mom that she should just hit me so that I can learn better. Mind that I’m 18. Then he starts to say that he’s going to kick me out, take my phone away and leave me out on the street without shit. Continuously saying that I’m ungrateful, he also wants to put a tracker on my phone “to make sure I’m safe “ even though that’s out of context. He told me to go downstairs, but I was scared so I played it off as if I was using the bathroom. once I heard that I started packing everything up. All my belongings, everything. And when I was done I went downstairs, like he told me to earlier, hoping that he would scream at me so that I could just leave. But instead he didn’t say anything to me. I have a place to go to and a plan. I just don’t know if should leave or not. They’re very controlling and emotionally abusive. I want to leave but I don’t want to hurt their feelings

    #962752 Reply

    I know I’m going to get roasted for this, but that… doesn’t sound that bad? No one hit you, or has hit you, correct? They threatened to kick you out but didn’t follow through. Suggesting your mom should hit you is kind of rough, but she didn’t. Calling you ungrateful and pointing out they can say whatever the fuck they want in their own house? In the context of a fight about politics? Not invalid or abusive. Threatening to kick you out? Yes, rough, and potentially abusive. But they backed down.

    You need to decide for yourself what’s best for you, and if that means moving out, maybe you should. However, with a roof over your head and food on the table and no one harming you, maybe you can stick it out (don’t fight with them about politics, that’s on you) until you’re truly ready to move out and pay rent.

    #962756 Reply

    And obviously if I had invested a dollar for every time I was called a bitch or spoiled or ungrateful or my mom hit me, I’d be retired by now.

    #962757 Reply

    This is pretty common and it doesn’t sound great, but it also doesn’t sound like you’re in danger.

    You’re becoming an adult, and legally you are an adult, but it will be extremely hard for you to move out, get a job that will pay your expenses. So is it possible for you to stay put, stay quiet and just learn how to live under your parents house for the time being?

    As much as I hate saying this, you’re going to learn soon enough that throughout your life you’re going to have to make risk based choices on how much you want to stand up to authority. Yelling at a judge (if you’re on trial) will likely land you in prison. Telling off your boss or a customer will likely get you fired. Spitting at a cop will get you arrested.

    So if being quiet and pretending that you live with your crazy ass landlord that charges you next to nothing but insists on being a massive jerk is possible, that’s a hell of a lot safer than couch surfing.

    #962758 Reply

    It is hard to get an accurate impression of your living situation. Yours is not the first family to have fights over politics in the current environment, pretty much regardless of where you live. Your father seems to have a temper, but you don’t say this fight is normal. Strange that he threatens to throw you into the street with nothing, yet wants a tracker on your phone (which he threatens to take away) to make sure you’re safe. Kids on the street aren’t safe. You can’t be tracked by a phone he’s taken back. Totally contradictory. He’s not a deep thinker when he loses his temper, but you don’t say this is typical behavior.

    The biggest gap in your post: you say that you have a pre-arranged place to go, but not that you are able to support yourself as an independent adult.

    #962759 Reply

    So, we’re all intrepreting this from our own childhoods, but I found this pretty distrubing. Yelling, name-calling, threats to kick people out or violence, surveilling you remotely, that’s all pretty not normal or healthy in my opinion. Particularly since you say this *isn’t* a one-off.

    That said, your options are pretty limited here. You can move out…or you can try to tiptoe quietly around the situation.

    And for gosh sakes, don’t talk about politics with your parents. Surely it won’t be productive, so just don’t bring it up and don’t engage. You won’t be changing any hearts or minds.

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