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Dear Wendy

Left after giving birth ..

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This topic contains 16 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar allathian 3 months ago.

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  • #844987 Reply

    My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me a little over a month ago, simply broke up with me and left that same day, no notice what so ever. We share two babies Delylah is 1 year old and Daphne just turned 3months old. It was really painful at first but 5 weeks later I’m doing much better except I still have resentment and can act bitter towards him because I know there’s someone else in the picture. I’ve come to find out about so much disgusting crap he has done after I gave birth to my first and throughout our second daughter. It’s disgusting and just heart breaking, I catch myself thinking about it often and try to cut myself off from going into deep thoughts. I’m wondering what is right from wrong. Should I be filing child support when we have already come to an agreement just because I know I can much more than we agreed on? Also should I file a custody agreement schedule. He can be awful at answering at all and doesn’t pick up the babies when he’s suppose to because he will go out and drink or hangout all night with his girl. When I talk to him about doing these things he refers to me as a petty bitch ect. It makes me beyond livid.

    #844989 Reply
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    Ange

    Of course you get that child support and make sure you document how little he’s doing to spend time with the kids as well, it’ll work in your favour for custody. Someone who calls you horrible names and abandons their kids isn’t worth you being so gracious to him.

    #844997 Reply
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    Logan

    Yaa hit him in the wallet and only weekend visits, the guy deserves nothing from you as be abandoned you and his children when you all needed him to be there the most. Make him pay using the system and the courts. He will soon see how badly he messed up.

    #845002 Reply

    Yes, you need to file for child support. Don’t be considerate to him when he’s been a totally lowlife to his children and to you.

    #845003 Reply
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    Part-time Lurker

    You are NOT being petty. Filing for child support and a formal custody arrangement isn’t about making him pay or getting even. It’s about protecting yourself and your children so that you have emotional and financial security and stability. Without legal protections in place he can simply stop paying whenever he feels like it, lower the amount he gives you or simply walk in and take your kids whenever his latest girlfriend starts thinking she’d be a better mom and he wants to play house. Do you want to wind up homeless because you were counting on the money he gives you to pay rent only to have him decide he doesn’t feel like giving it to you that month? I can not stress enough how important it is for you to take the steps necessary to insure stability for your children. Granted, even with a court order in place he could still refuse to pay or try to take the kids but you’d have legal protections in place to help you resolve the situation. You’re a single parent now, you have to put your children first.

    #845013 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    There is nothing petty in arranging financial support for your children. There is nothing petty by formalizing the amount of time each of you will get with your children, how decisions will be made regarding school, doctors visits and other facets of shared custody.

    Don’t worry about getting more, just be consistent in saying that you want to make sure the kids have what they need and that doing this through the courts ensures it. Publicly take the high road.

    Don’t rush into a new relationship, you don’t pick ’em so good.

    #845025 Reply
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    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    Don’t think of it as punishing him, think of it as taking care of your children. Children cost money and they should never have to suffer because their dad is a deadbeat. Same with visitation, it it for the good of the kids to have stability/structure like knowing when dad is going to show up. Of course you can’t make him show up when its his turn, but a custody agreement also prevents him from showing up and causing mayhem when it ISN’T his turn.

    #845026 Reply
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    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    Also I’m very sorry this happened to you. Being left alone with an infant and a toddler is very difficult. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. If you don’t have a support system nearby (family, mom friends) make sure you seek out some mom friends. I go to a mommy and me workout class and the moms there are really great– mostly SAHMs who would fall over themselves to help someone in your situation with playdates, meals, childcare, etc.

    #845042 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    You aren’t being petty or a bitch when you request that he help raise his children. You are expecting him to be an adult and a father.

    The kids deserve the support so go to court and get what the court says is fair. It doesn’t matter if you have an informal agreement. He has children to support. He helped make them and he now has an obligation to help raise them. It doesn’t matter that he calls you names to get you to ask for less and that he would rather spend his money on himself. Go to court and get the amount that a man should pay for his own children.

    If it is more than you need start saving the extra. Everyone needs an emergency fund.

    When it comes to him taking them for visitation I’d be wary if he won’t provide a safe place for them to stay. Get court ordered visitation but if he doesn’t show up because he would rather be drunk then they are better off spending the night with you.

    #845053 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    There are a couple of reasons you should file for child support and get a custody agreement.

    It gives you backup. The requirement to do right by his kids now has the force of the legal system behind it. You don’t have to deal with negotiating child support with him. Your lawyer does that. You don’t have to argue with him if he doesn’t pay. The court system does that.

    More importantly, you do it because as a mother, you have a responsibility to advocate for your children. The law requires their father to contribute to their support. Look at it this way: this is money that he owes to your daughters, to help pay for their food, clothes, a roof over their head, etc. Your job is to see to it that they get it.

    #845057 Reply
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    Oracle

    Stop being stupid and see a lawyer.

    #845081 Reply
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    FYI

    “we have already come to an agreement…” Oh, gurl. It’s only been a month, and he’s already broken an agreement on when he’s going to pick up his TINY children. He will NOT pay you what he agreed to pay you. For sure, guaranteed, 100%, no doubt about that.

    This is gonna get messy.

    Get. a. lawyer.

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