Long distance bf cheating

[Ellie j]

My long distance bf cheated on me, and he visited me yesterday. The second day i discovered he cheated on me (messages) but he claimed he nevet slept with her. He rather got made at me for treatinf him like a cheater. He tried to convince me all day, and he told me he was too so innocent that i could even call her and ask. I got mad, called her, and the girl that he cheated with told me she did not know he had a gf, and it was true that they slept. He has 9 more days to stay, and i spliited his flight (half), but i paid for everything and he was going to pay the half next week (he transferred money to his bank account) But now all these happened, i messaged his parents and his parentns talked to him, and he said his paeents will book an airbnb for him and return the entire fligjt, and will leave tomorrow morning. And the money will come next week. He emphasized honesty and loyalty so much and he rather got mad trying to convince me yesterday, so there was no way for me to give him the second chance and i was devastat e

He stayed in the livingroom and this morning his parents still have not booked an airbmb for him. He said he is calling his parents but his parents are abroad that its already getting late over there. Im being patient now but im worried what to do, if i should contact his parents again, and also whether he would really send me the money next week

His parents, he told me last night, that he did wrong, butit is fair if he checked my phone also just in case if i was cheating on him too… they were nice people but i feel scared and not sure what to do

[KateKeymaster]

That really sucks. I think it’s pretty clear he cheated. You saw the messages, you talked to the other chick. I don’t think his insistence on innocence means anything or that a second chance is warranted. I personally would just kick him out and not expect to get my money back. It’s unlikely you will anyway. I would pack up his stuff for him if he’s not willing to do it, and put his bag out on the curb and say, you’ve got to go. Call your mom.

And then you could continue to politely message his parents and ask for the money their son owes you. Or not.

Im sorry this happened.

[JD]

Kick him out. He will figure it out quick enough.

[SkyblossomParticipant]

I’d kick him out but I doubt you will get refunded. If his parents haven’t booked a room for him I doubt they will refund any money. That doesn’t mean you have to let him keep sleeping on your couch. It is okay to tell an adult that they have to leave. He should be able to handle that. At worst he calls his parents and they actually get him a b&b.

[Lucidity]

You do not have to let him go through your phone. It’s not clear whether it was your ex-bf or his parents who suggested this, but that was a completely inappropriate and ridiculous request. You absolutely do not owe him the opportunity to invade your privacy.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Kick him out and let him handle communicating with his parents about an air bnb. Not your problem.

Assume that you’ll never see that money, since it sounds like they’re already looking for ways to get out of paying. If it was them who asked for their son go through your phone, it sounds like they’re hoping that if he finds something, they can use it to deny you the money he owes you. Lovely people.

[anonymousseMember]

He could book a hotel or Airbnb himself. Even if he couldn’t, it’s not your problem. He did this to himself.

Kick him out. And don’t expect to ever get repaid.

[Bittergaymark]

On top of the cheating, he sounds like a rather dimwitted fool, too. LDRs are more often than not a mess. MOA.

[ellie j]

His parents booked his airbnb and before he left, he tried to talk to me, saying i also cheated on him and thats why he began to cheat on me, which is ridiculous. We broke up for a week, and i was devastated and had a meaningless make out with some guy, and told him honestly after a week when we got back together. He also told me he did same with some girl. But he said he actually never did that, telling me thats when he began to cheat on me. However, his flirty text messages were way earlier than our breakup, but he said it was not “cheating” because he did not sleep with her yet.
but he insisted the sex was after i made out with the guy, but we were broken up when i did that, and i told him honestly. He rather began to tell me to give him the second chance since i done him wrong also, and to him, it was also cheating (though we were broekn up lol.) To me, it just sounds like he is trying to find any excuses and being very dishonest, almost sociopathic.

He claimed ever since I made out with that guy, he began to take our relationship not seriously. However, it was never an issue to us, and when we got back together we called and talked every days, and he told me how much he loves me every day. I kicked him out anyway, and he admitted finally texting me that he was just horny and he betrayed me, telling me he regrets so much that he does not want to liv this and he will never cheat on anyone in his life. I said thank you for admitting, said some sweet stuffs. and he texted, “So thats it?”
asking for a second chance.
i think he is a sociopathic… he lied until he got kicked out, kept trying to accuse me and cover himself, idk

[SkyblossomParticipant]

He tried various ways of manipulating you into staying in a relationship. He just changed tactics after you kicked him out and was then surprised when you wouldn’t take him back. You are much better off without him. You don’t need a lying, cheating manipulator. Even not getting a room right away was a manipulative tactic to stay in your home.

[JD]

Kissing someone, heck, marrying someone, when you are broken up is not cheating. Block him.

[JD]

Also there is no need to tell someone these things. People think being honest is telling them every little detail. No. You weren’t together. It isn’t his business.

[KateKeymaster]

I don’t think he’s sociopathic, I just think he’s a childish jerk who got caught and tried to deny it and then twist it to be your fault. This is classic jerk behavior. I also just think your long distance relationship wasn’t working, and that’s ok.

[Author]

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