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Long distance bf cheating

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This topic contains 45 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by FireStar FireStar 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 10 posts - 37 through 46 (of 46 total)
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  • #814142 Reply
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    redgirl

    Okay, first of all, who travels to another COUNTRY without having any cash or a credit card on them?!?!?! Just…who does that? I don’t care if you are visiting someone who promises to pay all your expenses, you should always have a backup plan when you are that far from home! Shit happens, even if you aren’t a cheater. If you can’t afford a hotel in the event that you and your LDR get in a fight when you visit, then frankly, you can’t afford to be in an LDR (not one that involves visits, anyway).

    LW, everyone here is correct. You are not obligated to house and feed a guy who cheated on you. You are not obligated to let him look through your phone. You are not likely to get any money back, which sucks, but write it off as a cost you were planning to spend anyway and then if you do get anything back it will be a happy surprise. Please don’t let him back in your house, as it sounds like he’ll go to great lengths to guilt and manipulate you. And let go of worrying about what his parents think of you. He is their son and they love him unconditionally. They will always side with him. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Lean on the people who always have YOUR back (I hope you have such people, and if not, now is a great time to build your social network) and let them help you grieve this relationship.

    #814717 Reply
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    ellie j

    Update,

    He messaged me more, and i blocked him everywhere. I think he was holding my money just so that he has reason to talk, and he was teling me finally if i dont host him or find him a place to stay, he is really broke to book places so he might not be able to pay me.

    I simply told him that i would just cancel his flight and he can find a way home, and he finally sent me the money (half of flight)

    now he is emailing me he felt weak, and our constant fights, he really thought we wont work out, and though it was selfish he was cheating on me. but also he loved me and he did not want to lose me, so he was being selfish not telling me. He is begging me for forgivness that he will never cheat on me again and now he knows how much i loved him that he will make it happen, and he will do anything to make our relationship work.

    I know everyone will tell me cheaters will be always cheaters, but i miss him and i just want to trust him, part of me wishes i could just forgive him and trust him one last time.

    #814718 Reply
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    ellie j

    he is saying he was really horny though it was wrong, us constantly fighting and me not showing much love, etc, led him to temptations, saying he now knows how much i love him and he is sad about hurting me that he wishes for a second chance.. would it ever work?

    #814728 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    He’s now trying to convince you that it was at least partly your fault that he cheated on you because you didn’t love him enough. This is who he is and how he lives his life. Do you really want to get back into that? Do you want to repeat this over and over? If you take him back he will have learned that telling you that you not showing enough love is the way to make you take him back.

    Block him for real and don’t look back. He wouldn’t be able to contact you if you blocked him in every way. Or continue a long distance relationship where he will have constant temptations and you won’t be able to show him your love and he cheats on you as constantly as the temptations happen. Remember there is always temptation. How you handle temptation is your character, your moral fiber. If you choose him you choose constant cheating and angst and hurt and betrayal. You can do better than that.

    #814729 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    You must understand that he is highly manipulative and tries different tactics until he hits the one that works.

    He lied about his money and tried to manipulate you with that. He was dishonest in his commitment to you and his fidelity to you. Then when caught he is trying to blame his actions on you which is also a manipulative tactic to try to guilt you into taking him back.

    He’s trying to form a relationship based on manipulating you. So instead of founding the relationship on trust and honesty and shared goals and mutual affection you will have one based on his impulsive actions, which are harmful to you, and then his constant manipulation to keep you in the relationship despite the constant betrayal and lies.

    If he respected you he would respect your no contact rule and he would have paid the money without trying to stay in your home and he would have apologized and shown true remorse with no blame on you and he would accept that the relationship was over because he destroyed it.

    He doesn’t respect you.

    #814733 Reply
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    JD

    Don’t let him manipulate you. And let’s satnyou bought that shit, what happens next time you fight or he’s horny? Just go into your email settings and block his email too.

    #814744 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Omg, no. “I was horny and we were fighting,” is NO excuse. This is long distance. This will happen again and again if you take him back because he will learn you are a sucker who will forgive him.

    Please, move on. Block him. There are much better men out there who don’t cheat, and don’t try to blame you for their own behavior.

    #814748 Reply
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    Kate

    Two issues: 1) the problems you guys had aren’t fixed or resolved, 2) hrs not really sorry and is partly blaming infidelity on you. Chances are extremely high you’ll end up right back in the same place. Now you have your money, I’d just make sure he’s blocked everywhere possible and move on.

    #814769 Reply
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    ron

    And… all the lying, including the stories about parents and friend who were going to send money, pick him up, yadda yadda, yet there he still is. And… the guy had to have you buy him the plane ticket then dicked you around on getting the agreed half of money… obviously no intention to give you the money until you threatened to cancel ticket. He is a manipulative, gas-lighting, lying, cheating jerk, with whom you experienced relationship bumps prior to anything in the current round. You are feeling lonely now, true of any break-up including with an out-and-out con-artist of a louse, but now is the time to power through the loneliness and re-find yourself, then find a better relationship with a guy who isn’t long distance. Keep your resolve, block him totally, MOA for good. It really will turn out to be for the good. Just about everyone has been through this sort of thing and found light on the other side. In a few years you’ll be shaking your head in wonder “why did I ever miss THAT guy?”

    #814820 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    How many times do you want to be made a fool of? This isn’t your husband of 8 years and you have 3 kids and it may be worth trying to work through infidelity for the benefit of your family. This is a long distance boyfriend who cheated for reasons HE PARTIALLY BLAMES ON YOU. There is nothing good here. Forgiving someone like this only teaches him that cheating on you has no real consequences and he is free to do so the next time the spirit moves him. You shouldn’t need strangers to tell you cheating is a deal breaker.

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