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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Love After Cheating

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Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 46 total)
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  • #1100249 Reply
    Ani
    Guest

    I spoke to her, and this is what she said.

    “I love you. You are the person I want to say those words to, to come home to every night, to laugh with. Being with you means a lot to me. But you aren’t the best sex I’ve ever had. I wish we had that chemistry, but we don’t and I don’t know if that will change. That’s why I cheated. It isn’t even that I don’t want to sleep with you. I do. It’s more that when I want to sleep with you, it’s out of love, out of wanting share an intimate moment with someone I love. It’s like watching a movie. You enjoy watching a good movie with people you care about, because you are doing it with them. But sometimes, you want to watch something world-class, too. I cheated because I wanted the best sex of my life again, and I really am sorry, and I won’t do it again.”

    Any advice now?

    #1100250 Reply
    FYI
    Guest

    Nothing stopping her from wanting “world-class sex” again next month, or next year.
    You have a partner who breaks your trust because she wants better sex. Is that acceptable to you?

    #1100251 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Jesus, really?

    I’m not sure how old you are but she just compared you to a boring movie she’s tired of watching.

    If you stay with her, get used to her straying to see some action films or more exciting features pretty often. I think she’s essentially telling you that you suck in bed and you’re lucky to be with her so she’ll stay for the mediocre sex just as long as you know she once said she has to cheat for better sex. So when she cheats she can say, “But we talked about this!”

    She doesn’t care how what she does or says hurts you if that was her attempt at soothing your feelings.

    You should see a therapist about your low self esteem. That any of this makes you think there’s something worth saving here is really pretty sad.

    #1100252 Reply
    Ani
    Guest

    She did say she wouldn’t do it again, though. I don’t know. I don’t want her to be unhappy, and not be satisfied, so I don’t know what to do. I know we need therapy, but do people think open relationships can work after work is put in to rebuild trust, and create some sort of agreement? I believed her when she says she loves me, but maybe love and sex are separate?

    #1100253 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    You really really need to break up with her. You two are not a match.

    #1100254 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    do people think open relationships can work after work is put in to rebuild trust, and create some sort of agreement?

    No!

    #1100255 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    Yikes. You individually would likely benefit from therapy since your bar for staying in a relationship is so low.

    Forget her happiness and satisfaction for a moment. Are YOU happy? Are YOU satisfied and getting what you want? No.

    #1100256 Reply
    Ani
    Guest

    I guess I’m scared that what if I am just not good at sex? Then will I have to ask every partner I have to sacrifice something they want to be with me? I don’t feel I should be asking people to “not value sex.” I guess that’s where I feel at a loss about relationships in general, even if, as you all say, THIS one has to end because the tree has been poisoned long before we got here.

    #1100257 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    The way to get good at sex is have sex with different people. And find someone you really click with physically.

    #1100258 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    You need to break up with her. She’s going to do it again and say “Well you know I have needs.” You need and deserve a partner that thinks you’re the bees knees and is able to communicate what she wants in bed instead of just being all “well you tried”.

    She’s immature, she’s a cheater and she’s a liar. You deserve better.

    #1100259 Reply
    Ani
    Guest

    Okay, I will break up with her soon.

    Might be back one day, but I gather it is time to end this.

    (I am reminded of something I once read on Reddit, about a cuckold/cuckqueen couple who thought that fetish was a gift from God, because their partner could sleep with someone else and it was enjoyable for everyone. I’m not that person, but, honestly, I wonder if they are right).

    #1100260 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    She’s a rotten person. Anyone who tells her boyfriend he’s bad at sex so she slept with her ex is just a complete asshole. And has contempt for you. Also I sincerely hope you were paraphrasing her above and that’s not a copy/paste from a text.

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