- April 8, 2019 at 4:19 pm #840418
There’s a guy who I went to college with and have known since 2011. We were friends for the 4 years, and started hooking up when college ended. Basically friends with benefits since we didn’t see each other all the time. A year later I started seeing someone and ceased connnection with the guy. Two years later I end it with my boyfriend and go away for the summer. I never post relationship stuff online, so it was weird timing when the guy started chatting with me again. I meet up with him again and stuff happens again for a couple months. I asked him if he was in a relationship and he said no and that he doesn’t have time since he’s starting the fire academy. I’m fine with that because honestly I can’t see it being more than friends with benefits. This happened last fall. Well, about a week ago I get a message on Instagram from this girl who claims to be his girlfriend. She asked me about photography since i do that as well, and mentioned how she’d want me to take their wedding photos in the future since my work is great. I got completely thrown off. My “friend” didn’t tell me any of this. He’s kinda of secretive. Well, she was curious about me since she’s seen my name pop up on his phone. I also took their friends proposal photos the week before, so it was her in for talking to me. She said how the guy said I’m a cool person, great photographer, and went to college with him. She is head over heals about this guy, and they’ve been dating for a year… so you see where this puts me in an awkward position. I’m furious that he did this and put me in an awkward situation, but also really happy for him if he found true love. I tried talking to him about this and he hasn’t said anything to me at all. I don’t get it. Why would he tell her and his friends about my photography and who I am yet he doesn’t tell me any of this? His girlfriend is so sweet and cool and I feel so bad. I’m getting to the point I just want to tell her what happened because he’s being an asshole. I’ve tried messaged him a couple times, and I won’t anymore since he’s not responding, and he’s seen the messages. He put me in a position of lying to her, but then again I could have been straight forward from the beginning. I just don’t know what to do. Last night I was thinking of how next time she messaged me for us to get coffee and I’ll be straight forward.April 8, 2019 at 4:36 pm #840419
Its really strange that she would contact you out of no where and randomly say she would like for you to take their “future wedding pictures” and mentions seeing your number in his phone. It sounds like she’s fishing. You dont know what they are even if she is telling what they are. He says hes not seeing anyone and you dont know why he isnt responding to you. She might be head over heals for him and doesn’t deserve him or she might by a psycho Jodi Aries. I suggest you do not get involve at all. Delete contact with her and him and stay out of whatever it is.April 8, 2019 at 4:40 pm #840420
Forgot to mention she said they live together too, not sure how long but i think since the beginning of the year. And she originally asked me about photographing her friends wedding and mentioned about them at the end of the message. I have both of their instagrams and I know she’s not lying by the stuff the both post.April 8, 2019 at 5:25 pm #840430
How long ago did you stop hooking up with him? Is it possible they were seeing each other but not exclusive during the time you guys were FWB?
But also…just ignore and don’t talk to either of them if you can avoid it.April 8, 2019 at 5:38 pm #840433
We stopped hooking up in November, and they’ve been dating for a year from March. I don’t know much details though on their relationship which is why I just don’t know what to do or how to feel. I just wish he can clarify things for me and then forget about them.April 8, 2019 at 5:58 pm #840435
I wouldn’t think about it too much. This is unfortunately so common, guys reaching out to exes or FWBs for hookups and not being honest about their relationships. Chalk it up to him being kind of shady, mute them on social media, and move on with life.April 8, 2019 at 8:40 pm #840451
I bet the girlfriend is suspicious. Truly, why else would she slide into your DMs without a specific request for work from you? I would lay low and just hope this goes away.April 8, 2019 at 9:00 pm #840455
Well, why not tell her the truth:
“Hey, your supposed boyfriend cheated on you with me last fall. I didn’t know you existed. Given that, it’s not appropriate for me to do any photography for y’all.”
Then block them both so you don’t get drawn into this crap any further. But she’s owed the truth, IMO.April 8, 2019 at 9:31 pm #840456
Add me to the list of people who think it sounds like she suspects him of cheating or found something suspicious while snooping. All her conversation points, like suggesting you take her wedding photos even though she’s not engaged, and giving you her relationship timelines, were deliberate. She was either trying to prompt you to fess up, warn you to stay away, or both.
I’d want to know if my partner was cheating, but I also think it’s probably not worth saying anything in this case. If she confronts him, it will be his word against yours. There’s a good chance he’ll make you out to be a jealous, crazy, lying former FWB who’s obsessed with him and she might delude herself into believing him. She might spread lies about you or harass you.
You know he’s trash. Block and delete him, don’t respond if she contacts you again, and move on.April 8, 2019 at 9:41 pm #840457
It seems pretty clear that she knows/suspects something. I’m of two minds about this. On one hand, I’d want to know. Especially if I was considering marriage. But also, not your circus, not your monkeys. There’s no shame in never responding, or blocking, or whatever. Or quoting her enormous fees. It’s the infidelity tax.April 9, 2019 at 5:49 am #840473
Walk away. Just walk away from this nonsense. Assume you’re not the only person with whom he’s cheated. Just be too busy to respond.April 9, 2019 at 6:29 am #840477
Stay out of it.