So, a long time friend and I started a long distance relationship a few months ago after we had both gotten out of lengthy relationships with others. It was easier to quickly get into the relationship with him because we had been friends for years and years, previous to me even meeting my now ex-boyfriend, and it’s long distance at the moment, so it allowed me to still process getting over the previous relationship. I’m generally prone to anxiety and depression and I’ll get very wound at times and do dumb things or say dumb things, often times when things are going well – I realize after the fact that I’ve done it and then I go ohhh crap and then analyze myself and realize I’m self sabotaging and it all comes back to how I deep down don’t think I deserve to be happy and also think all good things don’t last (childhood/family issues that I’m still having to work on because I’ve still got current family drama)… Right so, I know these things about myself but it only clicks with me after I’ve done something idiotic. Now back to the guy I’m dating. He’s so so good to me, we really mesh, we’re the best of friends, everything is really really good and shockingly healthy and I love him so much. We’re planning on settling down together & that’s what I do genuinely want, and it’s starting to all come together.. except for the fact that it’s still long distance at the moment, I haven’t seen him in over a couple of months, and after our next time together I won’t see for another few months – after which point we’ll close this distance. The past couple of days I’ve been especially stressed/anxious/depressed mainly relating to family stuff, but I’ve been all over the place all happy one moment and then sobbing uncontrollably not really knowing why in the next moment. I don’t know why I did it, but it was like I so easily compartmentalized, I messaged a guy on Instagram who was a friend of my ex-boyfriend’s who in the past has told me he wants to sleep with me etc. He immediately took my messaging to mean I was interested in him and started complimenting me a ton and I didn’t even flirt per se back, I said just enough to get another text from him, another compliment or whatever, but I felt very cold about it the whole time. It got to the point where he said we should meet up sometime, I agreed, not to specifics, but that “sometime”, but I have no plan of doing so, and don’t want to. If I was single I wouldn’t be interested in being in a relationship with this guy even. He’s not my type, I just know he was interested in me. Well anyways, fast forward not even 20 minutes after the “sometime” we should meet up “soon”, I felt like absolute crap. I honestly feel so awful. I was disrespectful to my boyfriend, my boyfriend who I seriously love, I want to spend my life with him, and what for? Why was I disrespectful when I’m not even planning or wanting to do anything, my comments to the guy were just sweet nothings for cheap compliments because I felt like crap about things and myself today? How could I risk my relationship and hurting my boyfriend for nothing? How could I risk my relationship and hurting my boyfriend for anything really? I can’t believe I did that and was leading that guy on. And then on the flip side, the guy I was leading on, I led him on once before between relationships and it made me feel sick so I unsent all my messages to him and we deleted each other off of Facebook. We stayed on Instagram though. And despite that he’s totally not my type and I wouldn’t want anything with him, he is a decent guy (a bit of an alcoholic and whatnot but overall decent) and I feel bad about leading him on YET AGAIN because I was all over the place today. I don’t know how to handle this. I know I can’t tell my boyfriend about it because of his own issues this would wreck him and definitely be the end of our relationship. But doing this, this made me feel so crap I just know I’ll never do it again, and it further cemented how I feel about him and how I really want to spend my life with him. And with the guy who I’m leading on, it was left at oh we’ll meet up sometime soon. But I don’t know what to do. Do I unsend the messages and block him? Yet again? Do I tell him I changed my mind? What if he gets pissed off and somehow informs my boyfriend? I probably deserve that and that’s honestly probably why this happened to begin with. Things are going so well and he’s so good for me I’m scared I’ll get hurt so I’m just hurting myself. But I can’t! I can’t do this ever again, I need to be with my boyfriend, he really makes my life better. Anyways, this is very long, but I’m looking for some advice if you all have any. Thank you.