Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Major relationship mess. Straight/ bi? What should I do?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Major relationship mess. Straight/ bi? What should I do?

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
  • #851899 Reply
    avatarHazel eyes

    To keep a long story short. My husband left me for a girl 20 years younger. He just announced one day- he was going. Fast forward a year. I met someone else, a woman. I started having feeling for her. The problem is, she’s married to a man 25 years old than her. She’s 48. One night we were out and she asked if she could kiss me. We were drunk and ended up in bed together. 7 months on we are still seeing each other. Both of us have never been with a woman before. However, fundamentally the relationship is wrong. She is still with her husband. She made out she was very unhappy and she was creating a home to set him up. She made out she’s leave him. However, things seem to have changed and this doesn’t seem to be the case. I believe now, she’s got the love, the attention and the social life she craved but wants to remain married to the 76 year old. She loves him? She loves me? I want to walk away- but can’t. I never saw myself to be in this position.

    #851911 Reply

    Who knows? She may be waiting to inherit. She may care deeply for him, but be in a sexless marriage. He may not care if she confines her extra-curriculars to women. You’re dating a married person. In any case, it is a bad situation to try to be in a monogamous-on-your-end relationship with a married person, male or female. Date other people.

    #851973 Reply
    Miss MJMiss MJ

    She’s not going to leave him. If you’re unhappy being a side-piece, then you need to end it. You’ve got control and agency in this situation, use it.

    #851988 Reply

    Here’s my controversial advice: Be a side piece for a while.
    I mean, seriously? Do you even WANT to suddenly be a full time lesbian? Forever? Sounds to me like you are experimenting. And that’s great. Frankly, this seems like a good, safe person to experiment with.
    I remain VERY confused that so many people decide — immediately after LIVING through a case study of failed monogamy fiasco — that they must headlong rush into the shackles and chains of yet another monotony with the very next person they fucking bang.
    MEWSFLASH: it’s not healthy.

    #852065 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy

    You say that you want to leave but you can’t. Why do you want to leave? Is it because of a moral dilemma you feel about seeing someone who is committed to someone else? If that’s the case, talk to her about the rules of her relationship. Is it supposed to be strictly monogamous or is it open? Does her husband give his consent/approval for his wife to sleep with other people/ women? Does he know about you? If none of the answers solve the moral dilemma in a satisfactory way, move on. If they do, then maybe seeing her is a low-commitment way to experiment with your sexual identity, as long as you are ok with being a “sidepiece” and understand she is not going to leave her husband for you (if this is something you want and are hoping for, move on).

    If the reason you don’t want to keep seeing her is because you’re afraid of getting hurt and you know the chances are much greater since she’s married to someone else and can’t give you the kind of relationship you think you might want with her (either now or in the future), you’re right and you should move on.

    This is not the only woman out there. If you want to experiment, there are ways you can do so with women who can be as available to you as you need and want them to be.

    #852071 Reply

    “She made out she was very unhappy and she was creating a home to set him up.”

    What does this mean? Setting him up for what?

    If she is the type of woman who uses someone for financial gain I think you should run. If she will never want an open relationship with you I think you should run.

    I get the sense that she uses people and isn’t honest with people. She made you think that she was in a bad marriage and would leave her husband. That hasn’t happened and isn’t going to happen. Did she lie to you? Is she lying to her husband? If you are coming up with yes she lies to her husband and to me I don’t see any future with her. Why waste your time on someone you can’t trust? Trust is essential to a good relationship.

    You can leave whenever you want. I’d look for someone who is fully available.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
Reply To: Major relationship mess. Straight/ bi? What should I do?
Your information: