Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Make it make sense

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  • #1101637 Reply

    I am a 24 years old. I started dating my classmate who is 30 for about 3 months ago. We were friends for a year before we started dating. In the beginning of the relationship he was very loving and sweet. Then we had our first fight/disagreement a month in. After that things changed. He stopped calling me “baby” and being touchy like he used to. We would sit right in front of each other in silence and I would say “Why are you quiet” and he would say he is trying to concentrate on reading a book but always answers his texts laughing. Which makes me roll my eyes cause what type of concentration is he getting. So I broke it off before we were two months in. I stated that the reasons of breaking up was that I was not happy. I felt gas lit cause I noticed changes in how he would treat me but when I pointed it out, he would start complaining about something I have done. I felt like he lost interest and that was okay but he can’t expect me to stay where I do not feel accepted and appreciated however I accept him flaws and all. I thought I was doing him a favor. However he came to my house to apologize and I honestly wish he stayed away for me to gather myself because he came to explain his “disinterest”. It made sense then. Obviously its rubbish now I realized he never explained why he was distant he only came to tell me that I must not be distant when he is and that him not being loving should not dictate the relationship. Now he left the country for 3 weeks (he is coming back in a few days) the contact became less and less. The he posted a status saying that “Some people might feel like they are being cut off of peoples life but that is because they have nothing to offer but shallow conversation. They are not being cut off they are being sidelined.” I honestly would not associate any statuses he makes to be me. but the shoe fits. I have been sidelined. I have tried my best to be a pleasant gf. I struggle sometimes because of my mood disorder with other people. After one argument earlier he did say “If I knew you were like this (unstable moods) I would have not asked you out. He said this before our first break up. Writing this, I feel as young and as stupid as I hate to admit I am.

    #1101638 Reply

    Since you specifically ask to make it make sense, I’m going to be blunt.

    Your boyfriend is acting like an ass, and you’re a bad fit together.

    At two months, if he’s acting disinterested already, you just need to cut him loose. If he’s this much of a pill now, he’s going to be an even bigger pill at 6 months.

    Many men blame women’s “unstable mood” when they get mad at them for being assholes. This is practically textbook gaslighting.

    You deserve better than this. Let him go and don’t look back.

    #1101639 Reply

    I see it another way. I mean, maybe he’s a jerk but asking him why he’s quiet while he’s reading a book!? C’mon. He’s reading! It doesn’t matter if he answers a text or two while he’s doing it. It sounded like you expected him to be 1000% focused on you at all times? That’s not sustainable after the first couple of weeks.

    #1101642 Reply

    Thing is he wasn’t reading the book.

    #1101647 Reply

    So the comment above, about how you were bothering him when he was trying to read, overlooks the fact that there was a big, noticeable change in this guy’s level of affection just one month into the relationship. After a big fight. And you weren’t happy. It sounds like breaking up was the right thing to do. Maybe you two were better as friends and you just don’t work as a couple.

    But are you getting mental health support for your mood disorder? If it’s affecting your relationships, you should probably get some support in learning how to manage it.

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