Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Men and Their Compliments

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Viewing 12 posts - 37 through 48 (of 59 total)
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  • #756842 Reply
    Coral Evans

    @Fyodor: my point was that Essie freaked out at me saying something offensive about males but seems cool with the double standard when men are making sexist and ethnically discriminatory remarks.

    @Gaybitterman: seems like I struck a chord there with the “beta” comment. Yes my job and my lifestyle make me a catch, and if they were not insecure jerks looking for validation of their masculinity by “scoring” with their socially conditioned notion of “feminine” they would see that just as my late husband did. As for the assumptions about how “artistic” or “culturally relevat” my job is you have no idea what industry I working or what I manage so you are speaking from pure ignorance.

    For those that have good advice thanks and for the ones that put me down due to my hobbies, lack of drinking or ethnic looks (I don’t like Melania but by now you ALL know that lots of Eastern Europeans have this look and we are proud of it)…
    You are just as bad as the prejudiced jerks that keep chasing one nighters.


    #756851 Reply

    No one is cool with it, but they’re not here. In fact, we told you not to date those people.

    “Yes my job and my lifestyle make me a catch, and if they were not insecure jerks looking for validation of their masculinity by “scoring” with their socially conditioned notion of “feminine” they would see that just as my late husband did”

    Maybe if you are having this much trouble finding an appealing person who has long term interest in you, you are not as much of a catch as you think you are.

    #756852 Reply

    I love the false-consciousness narrative. Society has tricked them into not knowing how great the LW is! If external forces hadn’t brainwashed them they’d think she was fantastic. She has a job! She’s been to other countries! Don’t they know how amazing that is?

    #756853 Reply

    I didn’t know there were women in the Incel movement!

    #756858 Reply
    Avatar photoTaraMonster

    LW, your dating problem stems directly from your faulty outlook on relationships. Beta vs. alpha, drinkers/drug doers vs. wholesome, smart, cultured folks, etc.

    You’re attracting men who make sweeping generalizations about women because you also subscribe to those sweeping generalizations. Work on your empathy, and try prioritizing kindness, compassion, and similar values in a partner instead of lumping them into ‘misogynistic alpha’ and ‘wimpy beta’ categories. Men, like all people, are far more complex than that.

    #756862 Reply
    Northern Star

    Nobody likes a snob. At least, not long-term.

    #756865 Reply
    Avatar photoSkyblossom

    “Yes my job and my lifestyle make me a catch, and if they were not insecure jerks looking for validation of their masculinity by “scoring” with their socially conditioned notion of “feminine” they would see that just as my late husband did”

    You are the one who is choosing to date these jerks. Why do you miss all the signals that say they aren’t right for you? That is all about you. These guys aren’t looking for validation. They are looking for sex. They may not want long term relationships. They probably like the chase and playing the field. They probably aren’t interested in a catch. I think you may be looking for validation by dating these guys. It makes you feel good that alpha type guys find you sexy and want to have sex with you. You need to realize that is all they want. They aren’t trying to catch you for a long term relationship. They just want sex now.

    #756878 Reply

    Isn’t Alpha synonymous with self absorbed, sexist jerk?

    No one wants to date a stuck up woman who stereotypes everyone she sees and thinks she’s better than everyone else. Everyone bores you. People who have lifelong friendships which take time and care to maintain (like actual relationships do) but that’s so limiting to you.

    If you think people are disposable, are you surprised that this is the type of man you attract?

    Obviously, you need to do some deeper introspection. If you were a catch, you’d be able to have a relationship with a man of your choosing. Or at least a second date.

    Since you believe you are a catch on paper, it must be your attitude. Something about who you are, in person that even puts these lotharios off.

    #756880 Reply
    Carol Evans

    @Spaceysteph: I didn’t even know what that was. BUT I think your comment is reprehensible at best and could be grounds for a lawsuit. Insinuaiting that ANYONE has ties to a group that has committed crimes is slander and actionable in a court of law.

    : there is no false-narrative. EVERY woman and EVERY man for that matter should know their worth and should be proud of their accomplishments that they worked hard for and not accept being used or degraded. Sorry, you sound very bitter.

    #756882 Reply

    I happen to think Fyodor is friggin’ awesome. Just for the record 🙂

    #756883 Reply

    Watch out SpaceySteph… the internet police are coming for you!

    #756885 Reply

    Carol Evans —
    I think on the whole you’ve been given good advice, with a few posters objecting to your tone. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”. You’ve decided you know how to find the sort of men you want: the ballsy ones who come up to you and ask you out are the strongly masculine alpha male winners you are seeking. You’ve gone through a lot of them and found that rather than winners, they were just boring guys interested only in sex for one night — that night.

    I think if you had a chance to date them a few times, you’d learn that the majority of them aren’t at all what you would consider an alpha male. They are just guys who have had difficulty finding a relationship/sex and are now following the script from one of the many advice books for men giving the secret way to date and bed a beautiful woman. By their own self-definition, they are losers, not alpha males, and they are following a long discredited creepy script, for the most part.

    Here is the criticism of you which is valid: you refuse to change your approach; you refuse to hunt men in a different pool. Most importantly, you are missing all of the signals these men are telegraphing to you as to what they are seeking. They are trying the ‘boldly hit on many women and you’ll eventually find one willing to date and have sex with you’ numbers game that their guidebook suggests. Instead of recognizing the obvious, you are interpreting these guys as super-sexy, ballsy, super masculine macho, successful alpha males. More than that, you are failing to see that they aren’t seeking a relationship with you. They have wrongly sized you up as a woman interested in quick sex. That is what they seek. When you agree to date them, they think their view of you is confirmed, because that’s who they are.

    Your problem is one of communication, obtuseness to verbal and non-verbal clues, and misreading signs of male confidence and power.

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