Mom Hurt Over Pierced Ears
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Backstory, Im currently 20 years old, I grew up very religious, where one of the major rules was no piercings, due to a verse in the Bible that talks about not making any cuts or tattoos in the skin. However, soon after my 20th birthday, and after doing research, I went to a tattoo parlor to get my ears pierced for the first time. I decided not to say anything to my mom, because I felt as if there was no need to. I’m away in college, and my mom and I have a pretty good and open relationship, so when she saw a recent picture of me, I knew she would be upset. However, she seemed more disappointed that I didn’t tell her versus the act of doing so. I told her I just didn’t know how she would react, and I just didn’t think it was a big deal. She’s now telling me she’s very hurt and has been crying. I feel so guilty.
You don’t have to do anything, but if you want, you can call her and be like, hey, you seemed upset, can we talk about it? And just hear her out.
At the end of the day, it’s your body and you’re an adult and can make your own choices. And ear piercing is not a big deal imo and she’s being kind of dramatic to get upset about it… but I could see her being hurt that you didn’t talk to her about it. That’s relatable. You could have a chat about that if you want.
It’s understandable that you feel guilty for not telling your mom about getting your ears pierced, especially since it goes against the religious rules you grew up with. It sounds like you made the decision to get pierced after doing research and considering it carefully, but it’s also understandable that your mom would be upset by the news.
Perhaps you could try to talk with your mom and explain your thought process in getting your ears pierced. Let her know that you didn’t mean to hurt her or disregard your religious upbringing, but that you wanted to make a personal choice about your own body. It’s possible that she just needs some time to adjust to the change and process her emotions.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that you have the right to make your own choices and decisions about your body, but it’s also important to respect your family’s beliefs and values. Finding a balance between the two can be challenging, but open communication and understanding can go a long way.
Not only do you have the right to make decisions about your own body, you have the right to practice or stop practicing whatever religion aligns or doesn’t align with your core values and beliefs. This is a wonderful time to not only explore self-expression, but to explore your value system and to think about how best to support that in your spiritual practices going forward. If the religion you grew up with doesn’t align with your values, it’s ok and very healthy to cut it out of your life.
As for your mother and your relationship, it’s ok that she’s upset. Adults get upset – it’s part of life. She will survive. Her emotional balance is not your responsibility. Her own behavior and attitude is what prompted you to not share your ear-piercing decision with her. If she wants you to open up to her more, she can make the choice to stop being so rigid and judgmental in her attitude and behavior with/around you.
Thanks for the advice guys. I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone because they wouldn’t understand. But, I’ve come to realize that I need to stop seeking parental approval for everything I do. She’s going to have to realize i’m my own person and respect that. I’ll always love and respect my mom, but she’s going to have to accept me for who I am, unconditionally.
^I do think I should seek out therapy, for always wanting to please my mom, and always feeling like I have to take care of her emotions and feelings.
