This topic contains 34 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by CET 1 month, 4 weeks ago.
- June 11, 2019 at 3:42 pm #845136
Dear readers, I have a constant tussle with my mother in law who has all kinds of dumb superstitions and beliefs. I am from India and live in the US. She visits us and her other kids for months at a time. We have hired a nanny who is great with my daughter. She get her lunch with her everyday. My mother in law is due to visit soon and has raised an objection to the nanny bringing beef/pork into the house and keeping it in our refrigerator or microwave (we dont cook or eat it ourselves but i have no issues in her getting whatever she wants for lunch).My husband is of course siding with his mother but I’m pretty worried if I ask the nanny to change her dietary habits it might offend her. I feel like this is the beginning of many such other stupid issues that might lead to unpleasant situations. What would you do in such a situation?? Please help and thanks in advance.June 11, 2019 at 4:35 pm #845139
Sigh… Can you buy a mini fridge for the Nanny ‘s food? And tell the nanny as to why you’re asking her to do this. Briefly, not in detail with all your thoughts on your mother in law. I mean, it just seems easier. But then hold fast on all other requests that she asks. See it as one loving gesture and then, say : thanks for the suggestion, I will think about it. Then just don’t do it. If she comes back to the same idea, say : still thinking of I will see what I can do, then don’t.June 11, 2019 at 7:24 pm #845142
Or you could ask her to put it on a specific shelf? Unless the nanny is easily offended, I don’t think it’s going to offend her that much. Especially if you just explain to her that it’s your MIL being particular and that you think it’s silly or whatever. Just be honest with her that you’re just wanting to appease your MIL.
Asking her not to bring it at all or not to put it in the fridge at all might be a bit much and might cross the line into inconveniencing her (by telling her what she can and can’t bring for lunch), but using a mini fridge or asking her to use a specific shelf should be fine.June 11, 2019 at 7:48 pm #845147
Thank you for the suggestions…my MIL does not want it in the house. Even if its in a different shelf or frig…The nanny will be using the rest of the frig for my daughter’s food…there’s no guarantee that she wont be touching her own food and my daughter’s food at the same time. And other common things like milk, juice that everyone uses etc.June 11, 2019 at 8:23 pm #845148
Of course your husband is siding with her?
It’s interesting this is already a thing. How does she know the nanny eats pork and beef? I think you should have your husband explain this to the nanny. If he is going to side with his mother over his wife, let him have the task of asking and explaining.
Your MIL knows that she eats that food, in your home all the time, right? Even if you assure her the nanny will not be bringing pork or beef in, is she the type of person to examine the nanny’s food? Because that’s sure to be offensive.
I would offer to give her a lunch break everyday while your MIL is there or something. Or order lunch in or something.June 12, 2019 at 5:15 am #845158
Has your husband offered any solutions here? Why is this your problem to solve?
There are plenty of proteins that can be eaten that aren’t pork or beef and if someone asked me to switch stuff up, assuming that it didn’t cost me any more money and I had no allergies (e.g. shellfish) I’d be fine eating chicken or fish or just not bothering with meat.
Has anyone talked to the nanny?June 12, 2019 at 5:27 am #845159
Although I think it should be your house, your rules, for the time when your MIL is visiting (presumably staying with you) it might be worth getting some lunch in/making something for the Nanny to eat using the things you usually have. The nanny would probably be fine with this, she’s probably worked with people before who would be unhappy at people putting meats in their fridges, for whatever reasons.Hope the visit goes well.June 12, 2019 at 6:28 am #845161
No, do not allow her to dictate your home with her superstitions and beliefs. Its so rude for people to come into someones home telling them how to live. You go to her home you follow her rules. She comes into your home she follows your rules. If it makes her that uncomfortbale thrn put her in a hotel. Respecting others culture is a two way street.June 12, 2019 at 6:57 am #845163
Lol you are dealing with a 3rd world minded old people here, you can’t reason with them because they are sooo hard headed. The Indian culture is known to be like this, nothing can be done.
The best option is to buy the nanny a mini fridge.June 12, 2019 at 7:02 am #845164
@Poppy – I think the OP has to decide if this is the hill on which she wants to die.
I’m just thinking about when my great grandma used to come for a visit and we’d just follow a kind of half-assed kosher approach for the month of her visit. It was a bit of a pain, but it was important to her so we just did it. When she would leave, cheeseburgers for everyone!June 12, 2019 at 7:05 am #845165
The problem here is the husband, not the MIL. Don’t LW and husband agree on allowing nanny to bring pork and beef into house? Has husband enlisted his mother to help him win this argument? LW says that MIL’s thinking is superstitious, but to me this superstition (really Hindu religion in case of beef, not sure why pork is a problem) is less a continuation of old country ways than LW’s assumption that it is natural and proper for her husband to support his mother, rather than supporting her.June 12, 2019 at 7:05 am #845166
Is this a stupid superstition, or a religious belief?