Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

So helpful

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  • This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by avatarron.
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  • #876617 Reply
    avatarAnonymous
    Participant

    Thank you guys for helping me with my topic. I got such great answers.

    • This topic was modified 1 month ago by avatarAnonymous. Reason: Question was answered
    #876624 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    Your MIL is insane. And your husband can’t see it because he was raised in it. Tell him you have to go to couple’s counseling before you’ll consider letting MIL back into your lives. The consular can hopefully open his eyes to her outrageous behavior and give him the tools to set boundaries with her. Thank your lucky stars she lives far away & is too broke to travel much. She really is off her rocker

    #876625 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Your MIL is not right in the head, she wanted to keep your newborn child for a week without you or your husband. That is absolutely insane.

    You are lucky that your husband finally figured that out.

    If you were to allow your MIL to meet the child, what are the boundaries/rules that you need to feel comfortable? Do you need it to be on neutral ground? Do you need to be there or can your husband be the primary contact? Does he have to be there 100% of the time (like can he go to the bathroom or do you think your MIL would try to kidnap the kid – and I’m being totally serious about that threat and if that’s a real concern, that would mean that both of you would need to be there).

    If you feel that there is no circumstance under which you would feel comfortable, that’s OK too. You may want to periodically review as the child gets older.

    Remember, “no” is a complete and reasonable answer to this problem.

    #876629 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Wow, I think you let your husband off the hook way too quickly and easily considering how nasty he treated you during your pregnancy and immediately following the birth of your son. Good for you for suggesting a divorce. His behavior was absolutely grounds for it. How do you go from escaping to your parents’ house after your husband screams at you, calling you selfish (because you don’t want to be apart from your newborn baby and leave him in the hands of an insane woman who has a vendetta against you) to everything being fine a few months later and he’s suddenly opened his eyes to his mother’s crazy behavior? He didn’t open his eyes during your whole pregnancy or the weeks after the birth of your baby when both he and his mother were harassing you. It wasn’t until you threatened divorce that he suddenly “opened his eyes.” I call bullshit. I would not be surprised if he’s working in cahoots with his mother, earning back your trust so he/they can do god knows what with your baby.

    I would never, ever leave my baby alone with the husband and MIL. Please, please get yourselves into marriage counseling and open your eyes to the insane behavior not just from your MIL but your husband, too. The way he treated you during your pregnancy and right after is absolutely not normal and his serious cause for concern.

    #876631 Reply

    I agree with Wendy. He’s not suddenly seen the light, he is in cahoots with her.

    They are fucking crazy. Call a divorce lawyer. I know you want to keep trying but he’s been taught how to be nuts for his entire life. If he won’t forsake his mother after that, god knows what he’ll do. Really.

    At least your parents are amazing. They sound absolutely lovely. I’m sorry for the position you are in, but you have to make the best (and safest) decision for you and your child.

    #876632 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    You have a serious husband problem. He is controlled by his mother and doesn’t seem to actually love, like, or respect you. It sounds like to him and his mother you were just the baby factory. Yes, counseling. Divorce is tricky. Likely he gets shared custody and trots off to his mom with the baby at the first opportunity. You should talk to a lawyer in addition to counseling to determine what the parameters of a divorce are likely to look like. Yes your MIL is insane, but I”m not sure your husband is much better, mental health-wise.

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