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Mother-In-Law No Longer Sending Birthday Gifts as a Message

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This topic contains 20 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar Miss MJ 1 week, 4 days ago.

Viewing 9 posts - 13 through 21 (of 21 total)
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  • #844814 Reply
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    golfer.gal

    I read it as the LW had not planned to be induced. She was once the baby was more than a week late after her in laws had already left, and her mother in law was upset she hadn’t scheduled an induction so the baby could be born when the in laws were there. Which is….not reasonable. At all. And the LW said the issue with the Skype call was that they informed her the baby potentially needed very serious surgey and she had no reaction and said nothing supportive. The MIL then said she felt she handled the situation well. Which, to a son who was terrified and facing surgery and possible disfigurement of his newborn, probably felt extremely hurtful. I mean, I agree counting who got what for their birthday is petty and wasted energy. But i don’t think the LW should have to deal with arranging gifts etc for this woman. Like i said, she’s learned her mother in law is selfish and unreliable. Distance yourself, take the high road, and never again look to her for emotional support.

    #844819 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    When you didn’t send her a birthday gift she probably let everyone know about it. All of her friends and neighbors and relatives will know that she didn’t receive a gift from you. She won’t mention that she didn’t send one to you. You allowed her to make you look bad because you reciprocated.

    When something similar happens and the way things have been done changes ask about it. “I’m assuming you don’t want to exchange birthday gifts anymore. Is that right?” If possible, ask in front of someone who knows them so that there is a witness who sees the exchange. Then they can’t complain later about how you mistreated them.

    #844824 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I agree with the others about your husband needing to handle his family. In response to your specific question, though, I’d probably just tell her that I didn’t send a gift because I thought that it seemed like we were shifting away from gifts. But does she do anything aside from not sending a gift? Because I don’t know that I’d expect to receive birthday gifts from my in-laws anyway.

    #844827 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    So, the husband in this scenario likes dramatic women.

    The MIL was total crazy pants. The LW was out of line telling MIL off for the husband. That’s his job to manage. Not yours, LW.

    Most everyone else had good advice on how to handle future interactions.

    #844831 Reply
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    FYI

    She “snubbed” you by eating some of your birthday cake? Are you listening to yourself right now?! What was she supposed to do — “No, I’m locked in a petty feud with Marjorie, so I don’t deserve cake.”

    If you’re in a tough labor and then home with a newborn, FOCUS ON THAT. Do you know how fortunate you are!? You have a new baby. Christ on a cracker, who cares what your MIL is doing? YOU are the one who stirred the pot by giving her a totally out-of-line lecture about loving her son!! Was that really necessary? Come on now. Learn to ignore behavior you don’t like.

    #844852 Reply
    bagge72
    bagge72
    Participant

    Yeah I’m not sure she’s mad at all that she ate some cake, I think in that scenario, it’s that she took a cake that somebody else got her, and made it seem like she put so much effort into her birthday, but in reality she used a cake somebody else bought, and didn’t get her a gift.

    But either way, the LW and the mom are both Petty AF. The mother in law is a real piece of shit, the way she handled the birth, and the LW’s husband should have stepped up and said something, but he was too scared too, so the LW felt she needed to let the mom know how she treated him. I’m guessing their is probably a pattern of this mother in-law taking advantage of her son, and him doing absolutely nothing about it, so the LW felt the need to finally step in. This actually all really comes down to the husband not being a good husband. Doesn’t stick up for himself when his mom treats his family like shit, doesn’t take care of the gift giving for his own family, or his wife’s birthday cake.

    #844862 Reply
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    brise

    LW, you have an awful MIL. Just realise that she is a nutjob: why was she there anyway for the birth? To host in-laws at the end of a pregnancy is the last thing I would like to do. Too much work. You have to manage their visits at the time that is convenient for you, not for them. They don’t have a right to impose themselves when they want, even less to impose your delivery date, she is simply crazy to expect that. By the way, they could go to a hotel. I wouldn’t want to host such people, really.

    Everybody gave good advice. Think at an emotional defense to protect her from her intrusions. Don’t resume gifts. Do avoid this woman as much as possible, don’t stay in her presence alone and be neutral to her when you interact, but polite. Don’t cause anymore drama, do not invest any energy in her. Just let it die. And please, don’t let her come visit you during your birthday. This is the last person I would like to spend my birthday with. Let your son interact with her and thank God everyday that you don’t have to live with such an intruder in your vicinity.

    #845182 Reply
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    Allornone

    I’m not married, but am in a long term relationship of half a decade. I have no idea when my “mother-in-law’s” birthday even is. Why? Because my boyfriend handles it. When her birthday comes around, he buys a gift, tells me about it in case I want to contribute some money toward it (which of course I do), and he usually pays a visit to give it to her without me. She’s never gotten me a birthday present and I’ve never even thought about it until this post. There is absolutely no reason for to (she has gotten me some lovely xmas presents though). Also, my own mom and I don’t exchange gifts for birthdays (because, as adults, we don’t need to), but I usually buy a lovely card, my boyfriend co-signs it and I send it off. We each handle our own family. That’s how it should be.

    #845189 Reply
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    Miss MJ

    Yeah, my in-laws doesn’t get me birthday gifts, either, and vice versa. Nor do my parents and my husband exchange birthday gifts. My husband gets his parents a gift and tells me about it and I get my parents a gift and tell him about it and that’s it. If we’re together at the time, we’ll do dinner. But, all this drama over grown adults exchanging birthday gifts (or not exchanging them, as the case may be) strikes me as silly and petty.

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