This topic contains 34 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by CET 1 week, 6 days ago.
January 4, 2019 at 7:28 pm #814476
I wonder how much of this you have actually talked about with your mother? Has she actually asked you to pay her money when you leave? Could you be putting mental obstacles in your own way because of your own fears and insecurities? Change for change’s sake is scary but it can also be clarifying and you’ll never be in a better position to take a risk (you’re young, presumably healthy, and you have time to try new things out). She’ll be fine and you will, too. People grow up and life changes around. Time doesn’t care how you feel about it’s ticking.January 4, 2019 at 8:11 pm #814481
I don’t understand why you are moving in with your grandmother in a city with less opportunity for you. Stay where you are. Look for a better job, save as much as you can and move into a shared apartment. You don’t have to pay your mother hundreds of dollars a month. If she’s that broke with two jobs, she probably can apply and receive benefits. Or she really should sue for child support.
It’s not scary to live with others if you meet them and decide if you want to do it or not. Some of my best roommates I met off craigslist. Seriously.January 7, 2019 at 8:37 pm #814830
I think what you’re doing is very admirable! to everyone saying horrible things about your mother without even knowing her are truly disgusting. that being said, you shouldn’t hold yourself back from amazing opportunities because of your mother and siblings. if moving to a different city to get a nicer job is what you need to do, then do it. in the long run you will be able to help your mother and siblings more if you have a more stable job. your mom raised you for 21 years, so no I don’t see how helping her out when she needs it is something to look down on. still, you need to do what’s best for you. she can’t be upset at you for that. I think the move can be good. sometimes even people who love each other the most need a little time away. you can always go home and visit, too. and if worse comes to worse this can be a learning experience and you can move back home. everyone saying how you should be working a full time job and be able to live on your own etc don’t understand. depending on where you live it can be an insane amount of money to survive. especially as a 21 year old. I hope it all ends up well with you!January 7, 2019 at 8:40 pm #814831
“There are also seems to be more opportunities in the field I want to be in, in the city my mom is compared to my grandma.”
We know how expensive it can be. That’s why we suggested to look for roommates, or a sublet. If she can afford $500 to pay her mom for rent, she can probably afford to live in a shared apartment.January 7, 2019 at 8:54 pm #814834
depending on where that still might not be enough. the cheapest where I am is $1050 for a bedroom. I did read it wrong though about the jobs. I still think that moving in with their grandma would give them an incentive to work harder, get a better job, etc. if jobs are affluent where they are now, they should be looking into it. if they aren’t then there must be something stoping them.January 7, 2019 at 8:56 pm #814835
however i do live in one of the most expensive places in America hahaJanuary 7, 2019 at 9:01 pm #814837
Dude, I’ve lived in all the big cities with expensive rent, too. It might be a struggle, but it’s still better than living with mom, paying almost a rooms worth of rent every month, not saving anything or getting anywhere.
If she moved to her grandmother’s she has less opportunity. That’s not a good move.January 8, 2019 at 5:04 pm #814928
Jay, unsure the “they” are that you’re referring to. The mother is a nurse and works a second job, as well as supporting multiple children who live with her. Sounds like she’s doing the best she can.
LW, i understand why you may be concerned with leaving your mother at this time but you’re 21 and it’s time to move out. Rent a room that is within your budget (around $500) in the same city you’re in…or a town that’s just outside of the boundary if you don’t mind the longer commute and if it gives you a better deal on rent. This way you can visit your mother as much as you like but can still work on your independence.January 8, 2019 at 5:23 pm #814932
@CurlyQue- I think “they” is referring to the original letter writer with a gender-neutral pronoun.January 8, 2019 at 5:44 pm #814935January 10, 2019 at 8:27 am #815130
I have a hard time relating bc I was so so much happier once I moved away from home at 18. You could not pay me to live with my mom. Anyway…no you should not contribute money towards your mom’s bills. She is an adult and can figure things out for herself. No, you should not feel bad about not being there when your younger siblings are teens to help raise them…this is not your job. It’s your mom’s job to raise her kids and it is your job to be independent, work on your own life, and live your own life. You will be setting a good example to your younger siblings by doing this. I believe that people who cannot move out from their parent’s house are stunted in their growth as a person. You sound very much like a “people pleaser” and so you feel guilty for things and you want to help. But these are not your problems to worry about. You need to learn to be independent and pursue your goals and dreams, work and save money for your own house one day, and live your own life. At your age I shared a cheap living space with 1-4 friends…all through my 20s. I moved to a different state where a cool job was. I worked. I saved. I also took classes and go a degree. I got clothes from salvation army or give aways. I made furniture from cinder blocks or got free stuff people were throwing out. I ate cheaply. Age 29 was when I could afford my first (Small and inexpensive) house. Start saving. You may have to move to where jobs are or it’s a cheaper cost of living. In my 20s I got a wake up call from my co-workers who were ALL about the same age as me and were all putting away a certain amount each month towards retirement. Life goes by fast. Start preparing for your future! GOOD LUCK. You go be you.