Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My anxiety is taking over me

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Kate.
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  • #1103264 Reply

    I have a perfect relationship with my boyfriend. And I’ve had bad relationships in the past. The other day was a 1 year mark with my and my ex breaking up I was fine with it tbh it’s just a couple of days before our breakup I had a dream we broke up then it came true. The other night I had a similar dream with my current bf and it’s freaked me out and really flared up my anxiety to the fact it’s waking me up early in the morning. He says we are fine it’s just my anxiety is constantly needing the reassurance everytime we aren’t talking on FaceTime with eachother. It’s also making me overanalyse his voice when he’s tired he gets very moody so he sounds distant. I love this boy so much and I feel like my anxiety like in my previous relationship will effect this one.

    #1103272 Reply

    Well, let’s separate 2 issues. First, those kinds of dreams are common and don’t mean anything.

    Separately, your boyfriend has been a bit more moody and distant lately? And is this an online relationship, meaning not in-person? If so, I’m not trying to be a dick, but you don’t have a perfect relationship. If you don’t spend much or any time together in person then I promise you, this is not a relationship, it is a fantasy. You will understand the difference when you have a relationship where you do spend everyday time together. If it seems “perfect,” it’s because you two are on your best behavior without any of the everyday shit on display.

    And yes, if you sense a change in behavior from a guy you’re involved with, it’s usually because they are indeed pulling back. I suppose anxiety could make it hard to trust your gut, but that’s usually the situation.

    But before I go too far down an irrelevant road, is this an in person relationship or not?

    #1103273 Reply

    What Kate said.

    You’re saying your dreams have come true before and you believe this one will also come true?

    I think you should pay more attention to how this person makes you feel and treats you and worry less about your dream. Dreams are often just our brains playing out scenarios we are worried about. So maybe you’re worried about it and that’s why you dreamed about it.

    Try to let it go and relax, unless there are legit concerns you have. You should be able to reassure yourself that it was just a dream and not need constant reassurance. That might actually put extra strain on your relationship. No one should have to constantly reassure you to make you feel okay. That shows you need to work on your own self esteem.

    #1103274 Reply

    He very well could be feeling exhausted / moody / distant as a result of having to do all this reassurance. If you can’t stop with that, it might be time to see someone about your anxiety. It’s interesting also that you said your relationship is “perfect,” rather than great or loving or nurturing. Are you a perfectionist? Is your mental health dependent on things being perfect?

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