Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

My best friend is in a toxic breakup and went back

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  • #891957 Reply
    avatarLeslie wuu

    My best friend has dated this guy for about 8 months. It was the worst 8 months. They broke up multiple times a month and it was not a healthy relationship. He didn’t have his shit together and the relationship halted her growth. He bullied her never wanted sex never wanted to do anything. he treated her horribly. As her best friend it hurt seeing her go through this pain but always go back. I tried to intervene as much as I could but she always went back. She finally broke up with him and it’s been a few weeks but they met up and had sex and she’s confused but he wants her back. This is no way healthy or a good idea. He is poison to her. I’m disappointed, hurt for her, and worried that she’s gonna be put through all that pain and suffering all over again. What should I do.

    #891962 Reply

    Realize that she is an adult and is free to make her own horrible decisions. Honestly, if it weren’t him, it would’ve been some other jerk eventually (most likely). If she has doesn’t have enough self-worth to kick assholes to the curb, then she is an easy mark.

    She may learn, but you in no way have to listen to the drama. You can just say:
    “I think this guy’s an ass, and you need help.”
    “What are you going to do about it?”
    “I am happy to help you find a therapist so you can exit this relationship.”

    #892069 Reply

    I think everyone has that one friend who bounces from shitty relationship to shitty relationship or who stays in one for years. There’s nothing you can do. For your own sanity disengage. Tell her you care about her, but her relationship with this guy stresses you out & you’re not available to rehash their latest drama. If she brings it up tell her you sympathize, but she should talk to a counselor about it. Then change the subject. Hold the boundary firm. But make sure she knows you’re still her friend. People will stay in god awful relationships when they think that’s the only person they have. And shitty partners know this & exploit it

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