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Dear Wendy

My best friend is replacing me

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar Logan 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #843593 Reply
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    Elena

    Me and my best friend are friends since we were 9. We are now 16. Her name is Sam. When Sam was 11 she meet Ana. Fast forward to high school. We are all going to the same high school, but Ana and Sam are in the same grade. Before, me and Sam would walk to school together every morning and we would walk home everyday after school. But now, Sam walks alone to go get coffe with Ana. At first it was bothering me but I didn’t say anything and I got used to it. We even stopped going home together because Sam and Ana were going to get coffe together again. Whenever Sam was in a mood to go for a coffe or just a drink she would call Sam. And if Sam could’t go, she would call me. We stopped going out, we stopped going for a walks, because she is always with Sam. I told her about this, she felt sorry and said that things will change. One week after our fight, everything went back to how it was before. I don’t know what to do at this point.

    #843608 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    Expand your friend circle. It’s normal to have friends come and go as you get older. Acknowledge Sam isn’t really your best friend anymore and join groups or volunteer to meet other people who share your interests and value your friendship. Don’t make yourself available to be anyone’s plan b.

    #843621 Reply

    Yeah, friends come and go. Look for new friends. That doesn’t mean you have to cut her out completely, but you don’t have to wait around hoping to be included.

    #843622 Reply
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    MaltaKano

    This is a time in your life when you and your friends will start branching out, redefining yourselves, and finding your passions. Part of that is friendship shuffling. You and Sam might still be close in some ways, but that might look different going forward. It wouldn’t be super healthy to be attached at the hip forever. Find some new people you’re excited to be around. Don’t begrudge Sam her new close friendship with Ana. Keep inviting Sam to do things you love doing with her, but also expand your circle and explore new sides of yourself. Your friendship with Sam might wax and wane over the years, might turn into a secondary friendship, or it might fizzle out. That’s all okay, even if it’s a bit sad. People have a way of staying in our orbits if we don’t try too hard to lock them down.

    #843623 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    You can’t turn things back to how they were. Of course you are disappointed but you can only control you. That means find more friends. Do you have any activities? If so is there anyone that seems fun? Can you invite them to do something? If you don’t have activities look at what is available where you live and try something that sounds like fun. You could also get a job and meet new people that way.

    #843629 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    I’m sorry. I know this sucks – a childhood friend of mine started making new friends in high school and it was really sad.

    But it’s also normal. As we go through life, we change. We will meet new people that we click with that we want to spend time with. People we used to have a lot in common with we will feel less close to. That’s not to say we shed all our previous friend, but someone we were very close to may become a less close acquaintance.

    I don’t think your friend is doing anything wrong by becoming closer with someone else. I don’t think your wrong for feeling hurt, but you can’t blame her. This just is.

    The one thing I might suggest is branching out yourself and finding more friends. It feels less traumatic when you start drifting away from someone if they aren’t the center of your social life.

    #843814 Reply
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    Logan

    Seems like you can only be friends but not BFF, Sam found a new BFF

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