Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

my bf thinks that im growing weight, its been 3 months of dating, both 24.

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice my bf thinks that im growing weight, its been 3 months of dating, both 24.

  • This topic has 22 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 5 months ago by avatarJBR.
Viewing 11 posts - 13 through 23 (of 23 total)
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  • #850033 Reply

    Dump him yesterday. What a jackass.

    #850083 Reply
    avatarAndrea Letsen

    You seem like a lovely woman whose built a good solid life for herself.

    Even IF you had put on a pound or two, he is in no position to be making negative comments about your appearance.

    The really ‘grrr’ part for me was reading about him actually taking a photo of you, unbeknownst to you, at an angle he even later aknowledged doesn’t do you justice, and used it to try and prove his cruel comments had substance (which they do not).

    The only thing people need to go to the gym for is to take care of themselves, for themselves because they want to. It should never be to hold on to a partner.

    One day you may have children, and many women are afflicted with extra weight long after pregnancy. There are illnesses that can cause weight gain. There are also people who are perfectly happy to be a pound or two heavier than the average size-zero model. And no man has the right ever to put demands on what you choose for your body.

    You deserve a lot better than this treatment. Men who hold women to these unreasonable standards are often the ones left single, still trying to ‘play the scene’ at an age which doesn’t look good for them, whilst the good men out there who would treat women right are married to kind naturally beautiful women like yourself and actually enjoying a relationship with substance.

    You do what’s right for you 🙂

    #850148 Reply

    I will share the meanest thing my wife has said about my looks.

    “Honey, your hair is doing a weird thing let me fix it.”

    The meanest thing my ex-wife said? “You don’t put any effort into how you’re dressed.” (Not a point I would dispute either)

    Good partners don’t critique your appearance unsolicited. They don’t try to make you feel bad. Why are you dating someone who makes you feel bad?

    #850192 Reply

    Noone looks good at an unflattering angle! dont let social media or the media in general fool you. Tell this guy to STFU and that if he doesnt appreciate you, believe me there are alot of other guys that will. But seriously, he should be making you feel beautiful at your most comfortable of stages, he should keep his negative and unrealistic expectations to himself.

    #850196 Reply

    You are only 3 months in.
    When your new boyfriend comments negatively on your looks and put you on warning that he will break up with you if don’t hold to his standard of good looks then you
    BREAK UP with him.

    #850200 Reply

    Dump him dump him dump him.

    This is definitely not the makings of a long term partner because long term your appearance will change. You’ll get fat. And/or you’ll get wrinkles. And/or maybe you’ll get pregnant and basically everything about your body will change. Or you’ll get a disease or injury that alters your appearance– maybe a melanoma will take a big chunk off that chin, or a broken ankle will make it so you can’t work out for a while and you’ll put on some pudge.

    I agree with Fyodor that its ok when you’re young to be in a not-a-forever-type relationship with a total d-bag if you’re having fun. But it doesn’t sound fun to be badgered about your weight all the time. And he didn’t tell you the story about his friend dumping a girl for getting fat as a random anecdote. He did it as a threat to make sure you knew your place.

    Dump him dump him dump him.

    #850274 Reply

    I’m late to the party, but I hope you already dumped him!

    #850285 Reply
    avatarAnother Jen

    “…he apologized and said he never meant to offend me or anything.” Really? He thought taking an unflattering photo, showing it to you, and criticizing your appearance was a super nice thing to do?

    He’s a jerk and a liar. He criticized your looks to put you on notice that he won’t stick around if you put on weight and then he tried to gaslight you that “he never meant to offend you.”

    Dump him and find someone nice.


    #850286 Reply

    It’s not going to get any better. Dump him and keep on you being you. There’s plenty of “chubby chasers” out there that will appreciate you regardless of size.

    #850322 Reply


    I believe that everyone is beautiful in there own way, and the way I see it is… if he truly loved you he wouldn’t be putting you down like that. The fact that he said that it was an extreme case where you looked ugly tells me that he doesn’t look at you and think you are pretty no matter the situation. The whole point of a relationship is to feel comfortable with someone and in your own body slummed around as your worst self and all done up as your best self and for someone to love both sides of you. The fact that its only been 3 mths tells me that this is early signs of rejection, hes always gunna think he can find something better when in reality he won’t. I think you should sit down and have a proper conversation with him about this and if all of his responses are negative I would sack him off and move on to the next. Find someone who makes you love yourself more 🙂

    #850550 Reply

    Do yourself a favor and move on….. My ex pulled the same shit when we first started dating and I wish someone had made me realize at the time what a red flag that was (I was young and overlooked alot of red flags at the time). Count yourself lucky that he is showing how he really is now.

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