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Dear Wendy

My body sometimes makes me feel weird and embarrassed

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  • This topic has 25 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 seconds ago by avatarGuest.
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  • #919175 Reply
    avatarJanet
    Guest

    I just turned 19 years old and I am about to start my second year of college. Last year I rented an apartment with two roommates. My problem is about how much I eat. I don’t have an eating disorder. I am just very very hungry. My body is weird and needs more food than other people. My roommates are always complaining or talking about it.

    I have always been this way and my parent are too I think, but not as much as me. The doctor talked to me about it growing up. In middle school people would tease me or joke about it. Sometimes it was good but I also got a little self conscious.

    I started to take sport seriously in high school and I still do. That makes me eat even more. My body just needs food and I only feel right when I eat a lot.

    My college roommates always made comments about my diet or asked questions about it. They made me feel strange enough that I went to see a another doctor about it. No doctor has found a problem.

    After the COVID lock down things got worse because we mostly ate at home. My roommates got very annoyed about how much I ate. They kept telling me to eat less and asking if I was ACTUALLY hungry or not etc. They would tell me I have an eating disorder. They kept track of everything we all ate and then showed me that I ate more than they did combined. Embarrassingly, it was nearly twice as much. One of my roommates is 5’0, maybe 100 pounds and eats about 1200 calories a day. I am 6’1 and 170. Also I still work out every day. They don’t work out at all now. That is part of it, but I feel like a freak. It bothers me that I actually am kind of a freak, but I don’t honestly feel abnormal except for how everyone acts.

    I can’t stop my body from feeling hungry no matter how much I would like to. I don’t always tell people when I am hungry because it is weird. Sometimes I get hungry at times when I don’t want to. I can’t control it and I feel almost like my body is forcing me to be a freak. Once we had a big luch with some friends but awhile later I was starting to get hungry. Before I finally decided to get a snack everyone decided to talk about how much I eat. Some of it was serious, some was joking, some was advice on how I should try to eat a little less each day and such. I didn’t want to eat because they’ll think it is weird but as we talked my stomach was starting to cramp and I was getting very hungry. I don’t want it and can’t stop it. My body IS freaky and putting me in an uncomfortable situation. It was at least 4 hours since lunch but everyone is talking like this and my stomach is twitching and cramping with hunger – I must be a FREAK. I don’t really know how to handle this or what I can do.

    #919226 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    You sound like a still-growing teenager who works out a lot and needs a lot of calories. If you were a boy, people would be like, oh, teenage boys, they have a hollow leg, haha. Don’t let these shitty women make you feel bad about yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you. They’re projecting their own insecurities on you. As long as you’re buying your own food, who cares? Just eat when you’re hungry, and if they say something just come right back at them with, “stop trying to make me feel bad about myself. I’m enjoying my meal.”

    That said, if you’re splitting grocery bills equally and eating way more, that’s an issue.

    #919418 Reply
    avatarHazel
    Participant

    If you are paying for your own food, and you feel well on the amount you are eating, it is nobody’s damn business what you eat. Everybody has a different metabolism. If you work out a lot, and burn a lot of energy, you are going to be hungry- as long as nobody is subsidising your healthy appetite, tell them to go do one. We are all different.They seem like they are being somewhat out of order policing your intake. If it’s a shared food-bills problem, just chip in more, proportionate to how much more you like to consume, and tell them to get off your back.

    #919430 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    You are NOT a freak. Stop saying that. This is 100% okay. You are listening to your body and giving it what it’s asking for. Every. single. body. is. different. It sounds like you are attuned to yours and know what it needs. That’s good.

    Your roommates are assholes, frankly. Who monitors other people’s food like that? If y’all are splitting the grocery bill, and it’s money they’re worried about, then come up with another system whereby you only pay for your own food. Apart from financial concerns, they should not be commenting on your eating. Seriously, that’s super-shitty. It’s none of their goddamn business what you put in your body.

    Please, please release yourself from this shame about your eating.

    I would love to see you take your power back in this situation. I would love to see you shut down people who have the f0cking audacity to play hall monitor with your eating.
    “I eat exactly the right amount for me.”
    “Not that I have to justify this, but I am a 6’1″ athlete and that requires caloric intake. You know that right?”
    “If this is about splitting the grocery bill, let’s talk about that, but otherwise I’m done listening to any comments about food.”
    “Yeah, I do eat. It’s fuel for my body, and I am really proud of how strong I am.”

    Start by telling yourself these things. Start by replacing “I’m a freak” (I detest even typing that) with “I am a strong athlete.” Seriously, their whole thought stream on this is wrong wrong wrong, but it’s seeping into you because you believe the same thing!

    I could tell you why eating often throughout the day is a good idea, especially for athletes, and cite studies, etc., but it doesn’t matter. You’re listening to your body, and that’s what counts. You’re actually doing great. Just believe it, pay for your own food, and stop giving a shit whether anyone else understands your body.

    #919462 Reply
    avatarSea Witch
    Guest

    Your weight is well within healthy limits for someone your height. Heck, I’m 5″ shorter than you and I was at my fittest and healthiest when I was 160 lbs – that was the year I was getting podium placings in bicycle and cross-country ski races.
    Of course you need more calories than them! You’re much taller and probably have far more lean muscle mass from working out! You’re not a “freak”, you’re a tall athletic young woman.

    #919485 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Btw, my husband was an elite athlete (rowing) and says your height and weight are perfect for a serious athlete, like top 10% of female athletes. And of course you need a lot of food. Think of yourself as an athlete, not a freak. Your roommates are idiots.

    #919820 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Your body isn’t weird, you are NOT a freak. You are a tall, athletic woman who works out and therefore needs more calories than someone who is tiny and not athletic.

    Please, don’t waste one more second feeling bad about your body. Please. Your roommates are jerks.

    There are great scripts above. Use them. I particularly think you should keep repeating, “I don’t make comments about your body or what you eat, please stop making them about mine.”

    They honestly sound like complete assholes. Sometimes a group of insecure people get together and enjoy making one person feel like shit. I hope that’s not what’s happening, but if that rings true, distance yourself, find a better situation when the time is right.

    Don’t feel bad for eating when you’re hungry. You have a higher metabolism than they do, your doctors have told you you’re fine. You’re fine. Better than fine because you move your body and it sounds like they don’t.

    You are not a freak. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

    #920826 Reply
    avatarHeatherly
    Guest

    Don’t listen to your house mates, use the script above and then refuse to engage in the subject after you’ve said you bit. And if they continue, literally remove yourself from the room/situation every single time. Make it boring for them- use an even and firm tone but don’t get angry, just state your case and then change the subject and if that doesn’t work, leave.

    These girls sound jealous that you can eat well & they have to calorie count to maintain a semblance of being slim. Don’t let them in your head. Just be you.

    #920955 Reply
    avatarktfran
    Participant

    I’m sorry your roommates suck. I’m really sorry you’re having a hard time. You’re a healthy athlete that knows what her body needs. I hope with the advice people offered you’re able to shut others down.

    • This reply was modified 15 hours, 57 minutes ago by avatarktfran.
    #920967 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    Shut down all talk about how much you eat! Its ridiculous that they even care, but to actually monitor & record how much you eat is fucking bananas. Anytime your eating habits are brought up do not engage, leave the room if you have to. Tell them their focus on your food is getting creepy and you’ve had enough. Pay for all your own groceries. If they can’t stop get new friends. I’m sure jealousy & insecurity are where all this is coming from, but that’s their problem. Keep exercising and enjoying your sport and treat your body well. You only get one

    #921217 Reply
    CopaCopa
    Participant

    Wow. This isn’t okay and it’s super weird. It’s been awhile since I’ve had roommates, but I don’t recall ever paying much attention at all to what they were eating, let alone how much. And I’d NEVER have commented on it because it’s so inappropriate!

    I agree with others that you need make sure you’re paying for your share if you’re not already and shut the comments down. If it were me, I wouldn’t bother with any responses that justify how much you’re eating. Instead, I’d say things like, “Wow, you’re really concerned with how much I’m eating. Why is that?” Or even, “You really make a lot of comments about my food. How would it make you feel if I did the same about you?”

    If you’re calling yourself a freak inside your head, it’s time to stop. Taller, active people need more food. When I was your age, Michael Phelps was always making headlines and I still remember seeing an article or news segment about how much food he ate. He was a very tall, muscular, elite athlete expending a lot of energy and needed a lot of food to fuel himself and ate something like 10,000 calories/day.

    You should also consider getting new friends/roommates. Maybe they’re just clueless, but they seem mean-spirited.

    #921238 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    As others say it does not sound like you’re eating excessively and even if you were it’s really no one else’s business.

    One thing you might want to think about is checking in with a nutritionist just to remove some of the anxiety around this issue for you. Our society places an obscene amount pressure on young women around staying thin and body image. Talking to a professional who can give you a framework for how much you need to be consuming, calories in food, etc, might help you navigate this more comfortably. It moves the issue from a value/good/bad one to a mechanical/technical issue.

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